Sunday, October 31, 2004

my mind is running...

i know my mind is going nuts, at times...but recently, yesterday after talking to my mom, there is a sense of focus in me now. there is this fight in me to come out strong, i want to finish why i am here, go back and excell. i will do it..i want to do it.

i know it's gonna be hard, i know it's gonna be very very painful, but do this i must. i have faith in my love, faith in my mothers love and most of all i have faith in god's love for his children. i know i don't come out as the religious person, but in all honesty i am one true believer. beyond my believe for god i believe in love, for love is god and god is love.

for the love and god...

Saturday, October 30, 2004

...my prayer

i know i don't write much these days..but there is a lot of things running in my mind, and i can't write anything these day....

i pray, thats all i have to do, i pray...till the end

my prayer...

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

my thoughts...

right now, i have to say, i don't know much. i can't explain what i'm going thru emotionally and mentally. ever since yesterdays news, i've been sick. suffering from a cold fever, and ofcourse my heartache, which i've never experienced before. this pain it far too much for me. honestly death does look like a better idea.

i am angry at her, but at the same time i still love her with all my heart. at least one of us are happy, rather her than me, all the better. she deserves it. i hope he keeps her happy, and always love her for who and what she is. i wish her all the happiness in the world. one that i missed out on sharing.

i know two things right now...one, i still love her with all my heart and soul. two, i have to focus on why i am here. if not for me, least i owe to my beloved mother, who is has given up so much for me. and i must go thru with being here no matter how difficult it is. i will prevail in her name, for this is my promise to her.

i pray my sins will reach the end of it's sentencing soon, for every night i pray for my death. but if doesn't come, then i shall live on, for my mothers love, and in god's name.

...too much pain...

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

an ode to my Princess...

Where’s my rainbow?
My rainbow...
Who turns stone to fruit
Thorns to roses..
Where’s my rainbow...

Me who roamed the lands..
Flew without wings..
Because of you,
Oh my rainbow...
All my dark nights
Turned to bright sunny days
Because of you,
Oh my rainbow...

I have only but one heart,
And to you it belongs.
And knowing this..
Is bliss to me.
I have only but one soul,
And to you it belongs.
And knowing this...
Has my immortality vow fulfilled.

Whether forgotten...
Whether refused...
You shall always be
The glow of my heart
For eternity.

Where’s my rainbow?
My rainbow...
Who turns stone to fruit
Thorns to roses..
Where is my that rainbow..

You were my sunshine
When it rained
You drenched my thirst
When my soul dried up
You held me like a mother
When troubles surrounded me...

Fishes swim upstream once every season
As painful it is, it's nothing to them
You still swim thru the rivers of my heart
As painful as it is, it's worth your every memory
Whether forgotten...
Whether refused...
You shall always be
The princess of my heart
Till the depths of time.

Where’s my rainbow?
My rainbow...
Who turns stone to fruit
Thorns to roses..
Where is my that rainbow..

my heartache...

as i'm writing this, my eyes are filled with tears. i have the notion to just plunge to me death, the pain has no barriers and has surpassed anything that i've ever felt. i'm afraid to step into my very own mind, right now. death is plastered all over it...

i just talked to one of my friends, who told me my princess is seeing someone else...

i can't even describe my pains...

rather be dead

chicken sambal..reviews

"not bad for a first timer, actually this is superb for a first timer" - c.g. -

"first try and you made chicken already, wow...and it taste great" - raja -

"superb, simply superb" - kumar -

Monday, October 25, 2004

man on fire

one word...brilliant

the movie is a must watch movie. tony scott does an excellent job, not to mention denzel who is good as always. he plays john creasy, ex-military men, recruited by some weathy south american to be his daughters bodyguard. i guess you know by now how the story goes, girl gets attached to bodyguard, girl gets kidnapped, bodyguard dedicates his life in saving her. thats where you're wrong. see denzel plays a guy who's got demons haunting him from his past, about what he did as military assassin. he has practically given up hope in life or finding redemption for what he s done. he becomes an alcoholic (see the way denzel turns up at the beginning of the movie, with his enshaved face, awesome). thus befriending this little girl who shows him, it's okay to live again. but it's all taken away. denzel goes on this rampage killing. i mean terminator 1 kinda of rampage killing. he grabs hold of this guy, who he wants to extort information from, so he duct tapes his hands to the steering wheel than cuts of his finger one by one, the burns it with the car cigi litter...vicious i tell you. he has this killer look in his eyes and you cleary see no remorse. every hit (kill) gives him some kinda state of extacy. there is one scene where he stucks up c4 up a guys ass and gives him 5minutes to spill, then blows his ass up, literally speaking. and all the time he is tied up to the bonet of a car. well i have to say he does have a fetish or demolishing the fingers of people.

the brilliance of tony scott bringing those flashes in between is so good. i love the way how the film quality changes in one single scene from movie to viewcam. the movie isn't exactly one with powerful dialoges, but there are a few good ones.

now somebody has please got to tell me if this one is based on a true story? couse it somehow did come out like that. okay for those of you thinking this is gonna be a fast pace action/thriller kinda of movie, you're dead wrong. it's got that clint eastwood 'unforgiven' flavor to it. remarkable shots of mexico city by the way, the thing that really struck a cord with me was that they had christopher walken in the movie, and he played a very small role in it. they should have exploited him more.

all in all i'd say the movie is another one under denzel's belt of excellent films, along the lines of 'the hurricane', 'malcom x', 'john q', 'crimson tide', 'training days', 'remember the titans' and of course the one where he missed out on the oscars, 'philadelphia'. well i must watch his next release 'the manchurian candidate' and 'tru blu' which i think has just gone into production.

movie buff signing out, over and out....

a day to be proud...

get this, i get up at 12. vacuum the entire house, then clean the toilet and the bathroom. then i wash up, cut up some onions and green chili, grind up some garlic, then get this! i clean up chicken. then got it all nice spiced up, with ginger, garlic, termuric powder, and lots of chili powder. then i finally cooked them all. i made a really wicked chicken sambal. woohoo...

i mean a couple of months ago, if someone told me, this week, you'll have to clean the house and then cook, i'd show them the middle finger. but now look at me, i'm cleaning, i'm cooking..oh my god, i'm mom! i would have never imagined myself like this in a million years. well i have to say this though, i'm proud of myself. i wonder what will my mom say...

"son, i'm really proud of you"...or..."serves you right, for being such a spoilt brat"

i bet you my dad will be laughing his ass out if he found out i'm doing all this. before i left he always said, why you always sleep, huh? well...circumstances shoves a man into places he never knew existed in him huh...i told ricardo this, and he asked me, who are you and what have you done with the real rajes? heahehae....

well i have to try my super duper cooking, heaheahe...(you can imagine the smurk on my face now!)

later....

can't sleep

well it's 2am, and i can't sleep. i did doze off for a few seconds earlier around 10.30pm but got up (had a dream, nice one though..ric you were in it). now wandering aimlessly trying to see if i can fall asleep again. sigh....

well today was not bad of a day, met another malaysian, staying here, jay. nice guy (seemingly) heahehae. we were at hq, watching the downfall of the great unbeaten record of arsenal, slayed into pieces by the red devils. 2-0...oh yes you heard me right. 2-0. i just have to ask MU this one question, liverpool you go and beat, arsenal you go and beat...birmingham, portsmoth..you go and draw...sigh. well i'm still a devil so hats off to you guys. nistelrooy, 3rd time is the charm huh? and wayne rooney, well ofcourse it's no big secret he wasn't tripped, but fell by a trailing leg of campbell. well i've seen penalties awarded for much less fouls. so mike rilley, i can't say you did the right thing or the wrong thing. you had a decision on you hands and did what you thought was right. btw, i anak jantan and i'll say it, ferdinand on who was it again, was a foul and he should have been sent off cause he was the last man. but hey, don't hate the player, hate the game.

speaking of games, rubhino rubhino, man. so close yet still no victory at interlagos. i have to say ferrari kinda got everything wrong this weekend, strategy, tyres, and definetly a lot of bad luck. i mean, schumacher spun on turn 2, we've seen him do that before, too much power down the turn and on the white line, boom, loses the back end, and spins. his race could have ended if klien who was behind him had clipped him of rear ended him. but all in all, the way ferrari went into the race was no suprise this is the result. they have both championships clinched, and they only wanted to see rubens thru his illusive interlagos win. the south americans however still had a home hero win it la...montoya. i was impressed with massa, man he was quick. well rubens, massa, zonta, even montoya, as good as they are la...no match to the great senna in interlagos. did you know up till 2000, every champion that has ever won has won the brazilian gp. yes yes yes, it took the 7 time world champion to beat that record as well. and today i think he has a new record for the most all time points scoring by a driver. but schumacher was very quiet today, almost too quiet. is this signs to come? hmmmm....i'll just give you one advice, never count the scarlet baron out, not by a long shot...

well i still can't sleep...

my thoughts are wandering home, school....and you know who else. i wonder how is she doing, i know she has exams going on. i hope she does well. i'll pray for her, forever... i know some of you are probably sick of readin my sad stories, but then again, hey, this is my blog. heaheahehe. sometimes you know you just wish you can turn back time, change the past. sometimes we wish we can live in the past also (ricardo, you know what i mean, right). almost nothing is in our control is it? cosmic powers swirl us together and explode us into a million pieces falling stars. some soar, some kill dinosours, some end in muzeums. just ocassionally one or two make really far away into the next galaxy and explore the beyond. have you heard the phrase 'miracles do happen', how about the one 'miracles do happen, but to only those who believe in them'. do you believe in miracles? are there even such things? or just god's cruel writings on the wall again? do you believe that our story has been writen down somewhere out there and everything is just playing accordingly?

suddenly there is this silence in my head...i guess life is all about the jostles of your feeling and your emotional burst, trying to fit them together like a huge jigsaw, problem is you're only finding the pieces along the way, and even then their alway middle pieces. i guess you only find those corner pieces toward the end huh? if there ever will be an end?

still not sleepy....

i guess sometimes we kinda take life for granted huh? i mean do we really appreciate the good things in life, the roof above our heads, the hand that feeds us (for me, that would be literally speaking), the little things that we have, those tiny comforts that some don't have. you know humans are always obsessed by the big, shiny, expensive stuff. but how about the view of brown leaves falling from a tree, oh a nice breeze blowing our hair wildly around. i'd go damn, should have used gel! seriously sometimes we look up and say, i wish for that, i wish for this...seldom people say i wish it all stays like this, forever. if you were really happy, and didn't want anything to change, would that be settling, contempt or giving up? i guess the answer will vary, reminds me of the diesel honda advert here, 'hate somthing, can hate be good'...very catchy song.

well i still can't sleep, but might as well go wandering on my sofa. my trusty sofa...

later....

Sunday, October 24, 2004

can't write...

so much to say, but dunno why can't seem to write it all down. maybe i'll try later or tomorrow morning.

later.....

rubhino...rubhino....

well well, the brazilian does take pole in sao paulo, just as he did last year. and the crowd went bezerk. this is one place where racing is so passionate, that the fans drown out the noise of a formula one car. oh yeah and monza as well. but yesterday when rubens crossed the finish line and clinched pole in a very dominating style, suddenly we couldn't hear his car anymore. all we could hear was the crowd going 'rubhino' and all of them doing the samba. another driver who carries great number of fans here is the columbian montoya (south american also what)...but i have to talk about my hero also la, poor fellow, had a huge crash during practice, car went up on flames, lost an engine, got penalised 10 spaces for an engine change...so i'm guessing thats why he qualified in 8th. he's on a full load of fuel, he is out there like a fuel tanker and i can tell you, he's on a one stopper. so watch out for some fireworks when he's fuel starts to run low, especially during the middle of each of his stints. argh argh argh. well last night i downloaded ayrton senna's crash video. sigh. in my book the only drivers driver. unbelieveable passion for the sport. sigh....

well kamal is here. he and basil are making a feast. later we're gonna head down to hq and watch the showdown between the devils and the gunners. can't wait. but to be honest it's gonna take a huge load of hardwork and brilliance by the united players to beat a well oiled machine like arsenal. they're playing so well as a team. they move in one motion and only one goal in each of the platers minds. unbeaten in 50 games,,,phew. what i wouldn't do to watch a goal like in 1999 F.A. cup semifinals, ryan giggs ran pass 5 defenders and scored pass seamen, to take united to the finals.

so later guys, i'll let you know how the two events go down....

Saturday, October 23, 2004

lesson...a success

well my first cooking lesson was a success. made chicken curry. honestly i didn't cook at all. i was just helping. the only thing i cooked was the rice, sliced the garlic and watch the chicken defrost. heahehea. but i have learnt how to cook it, i will try my mom's recipy on monday. see how that turns out first.

well later got to watch the qualifying. tomorro is MU v arsenal, at old traford, cool, we'll go down to hq and watch it, it's at 4pm, then later after that can watch F1 at 6pm. full day huh. cool...

now i'm bored, dunno what to do. did i mention how bad the tv is here. bad.

later....

my first cooking lesson

well today i'm gonna learn to cook xomething from basil. he has told me bring the chicken out of the freezer. so far thats it, until then, i've just learnt how to remove the chicken from the fridge. well today is a saturday, so far no plans. my housemates are thinking of going to the movies, but i don't feel like watching a movie. maybe because i'm just to excited, looking forward to the last grand prix of the season.

i can imagine today if rubens barrichello qualifies in pole, man it's gonna be a fiesta, samba style. you know he has never finished the brazilian gp before much less win it. they call it the sao paulo jinx. last year was a real mayhem man, remember when 6 cars spun out in the race at the same place, including the great rain maestro schumacher. and then the alonso, webber crash pit entrance. and then the confusion that whether kimi won it or fisichella won it. kimi took the trophy but later the race win was awarded to fisichella. well this weekend it's gonna be strong for the tiffosi boys, especially for rubens. but the person i'm looking forward to see is jenson button, he has been denied his move to williams, so he is obligated to drive to BAR, know my question is, if he loses a race will they call it sand bagging, like the did to senna in 1988/89. hmmm...

well it is cold outside, i can see the fog above the trees. and today i saw a squirrel, eating the fallen apples. did i mentioned that the apples are falling these days, is that why the call it fall? heahehea...

anyways, later.....

Friday, October 22, 2004

soul therapy

i talked to my mom!!!!

i knew i had to, well she misses me like hell and ofcourse i miss her too. the whole time she was talking, i knew she had tears in her eyes. well we talked for 2 whole hours. it was like therapy for the soul. i really miss her a lot. my dad told me to stay there, and i could hear her saying in the background "don't listen to your dad, come back!"....heaheha.

well she thought me how to make some chicken sambal, i'll do it on monday. see how it turns out. and if this time i burn down the kitchen, somebody keep the fire department on standby. my mom told me not to drink a lot. i wonder how she knew??? ricardo??? speaking of the devil hey ric, pls pass the things to my brother by sunday. monday my dad is going to go see his friend, who is the GM of DHL, so ricardo, don't delay!...and thanks dude.

so finally nirpal has a gf, heaheha. well not gf yet la, but his sister intro him to this girl whom his parents are very keen for him. heaheahe, nirpal, only one advice, take it as slow as you can. the most beautiful part of falling in love in actually realizing you're in love, and you wanna be there as long as you can. good luck dude...

anyways, me with tears in my eyes wanna go watch badboys 2...sigh, which also reminds me of her.

later....

friday??? doesn't feel like one....

you know, today i got wet in the rain again. it was so sunny when i was in class, when i came out to go home, it started to rain. sigh. you're right shenn, the weather is depressing, you know the suicide rate is the highest during christmas. which is about 2months away. you know during winter the day is gonna get shorter and thats gonna be worst. damn i hate getting wet in the rain.

anyways, today not too bad, went to class. on the way home bought some doughnuts. you know 5 doughnuts for 1pound, cool. no complains there. but try converting that, rm7 for 5 fucking doughnuts. heahehae. todays biggest talking point, nope nothing important, just that prince harry attacked some reporters, and the entire britain is talking about it!!! get a farking life, wankers!!!

well anyways tomorrow, is the weekend. brazilian gp. argh argh argh. you know today's paper they were saying mexico has made a bid to come back into the F1 calendar. after what, 12 years, i think the last was 1992. thats nice, replace one old circuit (oh btw, the british gp, buh bye) with another old circuit.

hey ricardo, have you seen the mercedes benz F400, they ripped of my tilting tyre theory. remember i told you that in F1, in order to make the grip better they should tilt the tyres inwards or make it into a con shape, so it would increase the centrifugal force thus increasing grip. aiyo, the new benz prototype F4oo has that technology. oh man. remember when i found out your cybercafe/disco idea was already in existance and you said someone is bugging our conversations...i guess you were right. we're being bugged (x-files music here)....

anyways me wanna go eat my 7ringgit worth of doughnuts.

later.....

Thursday, October 21, 2004

fooooooooooooood.......

cooking has become an issue here, well since the washing of the dishes became an issue, the cooking has also. whoever cooks will have to wash up all the dishes. well i have monday, tuesday - kumar, wednesday - c.g., thursday - raja, friday - raj, saturday and sunday basil and me. well i volunteered for the weekends, so that i can learn something from the best chef in the house. well today raja was suppose to cook but he ad to work. he told me to tell kumar not to cook on tuesday, cause he was off and wanted to cook so kumar to cook on thursday. but kumar, being the idiot stubborn egg head he is, said no, since i've already cut up my onions i'll just cook today. end result today, no food!

well me and c.g. couldn't take it anymore, i asked him if he wants take out and he jumped at the idea. so we ordered pizza. get this, 6pounds for a large pizza and get one free large. cool huh. so it's 3pounds a large pizza. but you buy it during the day ouside, i pay 2pounds++ for a slice of pizza, chips and gravy and a drink for lunch at the SU. that sucks, i wanna 3 pounds for a large pizza like today!!!

sigh, shenn, i have to steal your oprah line again...'can't have it all at once'. and how come you always sick huh (read your blog)? i think you need a vacation, somewhere to just put your feet up and do absolutely nothing. hey ric i am serious, when i come back we're doing langkawi okay! no backing out of it! don't tell me working, no money, mommy don't let, gf wanna come along, ass hurting from sunburn!!! nothing like that okay!!!

later...need to go down my pizza's

piercing cold winds

well today was not so bad of a day. got up went to, folded my clothes (did laundry last night) got dressed, went to uni, had another boring project management class. damn he has given our group assignments, and the due date is 2nd dec, same as our individual assignment. oh man. well got to get a move on my assignments...

well after class i went a bought a extension cord, which wasn't necessary. there was a power point behind my table, and ofcourse i bought a 4 slice bread toaster. things here are very cheap if you work here. the toaster only cost me 9pounds. i mean that is a very reasonable price, for the living here. oh well we'll see if i get a job here after my studies finish here.

you the weather here is really unpredictable. i got up and there was a bright sunshine outside, then when i was about to leave, it was raining, then on my way back the wind was co damn cold, i could see my fingers turning purple-ish blue. and when i reached home, there was the sun again but it was raining together. damn this country. and you know when it rains, it never really pours. it's always drizzles. sigh.

anyways, later....

(me very hungry now, wish i had mom's mutton curry now)

there is no spoon

i just watched the matrix, the first one where they give everybody hope before they rip it all apart in revolutions. well it really gets you thinking doesn't it? are you the kind that believes in fate or are you the kind that makes your own fate. to control or be controled. what kind of person are you? in reality you'd think you're in total control of your life, but truly, don't you think the force plays us all well. we're merely pieces in his game, how he moves it, where he places us and where we end up, does all depend on him, or us? what is the matrix?

now for people who do believe in the matrix or the force, hey no problem there. you wake up with the thought everything's all set for you, somewhere out there your memo has been typed and sent out, everybody has read it, and they're all gonna do accordingly. now for the people who don't believe in the force, whoa. it's a whole new story. nothing seems to matter. everythings a load of crap and ofcourse, no one tell you what to do. fine with all that shit. the problem usually lies with us. the ones who believe we play a huge part in fate's decisions.

we're the totally fucked up ones. we think every action has it's equal and opposite reaction and thus we do things with the prior thought of the future. we some how have this fickle knowing that "what we do, ecos for an eternity" (gladiator). we somehow think we had something to do with that, this..and the worst part is when we take credit for it all. now if you were the believer 'he' takes credit for it all. if you're a non believer you'd take credit. but if you're a fencer. what the fuck then?

there is no spoon huh? so why the fuck does it hurt so badly?

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

tattoo...

today i was searching for more tattoo designs, the whole day i was watching tv and surfing for tattoo designs. i've learnt something though;

Tattoo Styles
Polynesian style is a branch of the Tribal style whose
characteristic is bold black abstracts or figurative designs There are many
different Polynesian styles of tattooing: Marquesan, Tahitian, Samoan, Hawaiian,
Maori... Every Polynesian island has its own style and every tattooist also has
his own style - more modern or more traditional, fineline highly detailed work
that utilizes delicate single-needle outlines, or rougher style, more oriented
on design or more oriented on symbolism...

so i guess i'm going polynesian too. they have the best tattoo designs and one design that cought my eye is the one the rock has on his shoulder. it has it's own meaning too, i wonder if they can do the exact same tattoo, but maybe i want something like it though. it is huge and it will take up my entire shoulder, shoulder blade and my upper arm. the thing that is bothering me is that it might not come out the way it looks on him (obviously). and ofcourse i should get it without telling my mom either. hope she doesn't read my blog. heahehae. hey ric, what do you think. i know its huge but looks cool, right? i really like it too. tell me what you think okay.

hey you can see what his tattoo looks like











dead man walking...

i am a fan of tom hanks, i have been ever since i dunno when. and if there was one movie of his i'd never watched was green mile. well yesterday my housemates brought back 3 movies 'green mile', 'LOTR return of the kings' and 'city of angels'. well 'return of the kings' was a movie that i don't think i'll be able to watch ever. the night i watched it with my princess, was so magical. we had one of those couple seats in the cinema and the whole movie she had my arms in her, and her head on my shoulders. i still remember, she was looking at me during the movie, and i asked her what, why is she looking at me and she said she loved me very much and dropped her head on my shoulder again. it was the happiest i've ever been.

well there was no way i'm gonna watch 'city of angels' either, a movie that inspired me when i was courting her. the line, 'just fall, take the plunge' was my only motivation to fall in love with her...

so it was green mile. and at the beginning of the movie, when michael clark duncan is lead into the jail block, the deputy keeps saying 'dead man walking here'...and i looked up into the celling and thought to myself, i pick a movie that i've never seen, and shouldn't remind me of anything and boom, it calls out my name again. god, you're cruel man. but i'll give it to you, you don't give that easily huh. well least one thing make assured, i'm always on your mind ain't i.

dead man walking....

hey karen...

happy birthday karen...

thought i didn't know huh? anyways i do and happy brithday. remember your birthday when you guys did it at finnegan's, oh man, bad hangover. heaheahe.

have a nice great day, okay.

p.s. how old are you?

why do people still do it...

i have to ask this question, especially to the stupid british and americans, why in gods name are you people going to iraq? i mean what is it that you don't understand, that they don't like you or you're not wanted there? after the ken bigley kidnapped and his cold blooded murder, now one of the aid worker (brit also), oh man. if you ask me, nuke the damn country, including iran, afghan, pakisthan, just do away with all those war bounded countries, it's sickening to watch all the news on the news, about bombings there and here. and the ones who gets killed are the innocent ones. you know these guys have to understand one thing this is a war against terrorist, and if the war is still going on, hey bush, blair...you're war is far from over.

anyways, today i have the house all to myself again, peace and quiet. well i have some studying to do. better get to it. you know i have to say i love this gloomy weather, it's not hurting my eyes, heaheahe...

somethings on my mind..

i hate it when i get that feeling that somethings in my mind but i can't tell what it is? it sucks. now i'm gonna go all night trying to figure this out. but least it couldn't be worst than last night. oh yes i was up till 4am, cause my dreams were keeping me awake. these days the dreams are just non stop. i wish i could stop them, but i can't. the worst part is there is apart of me thats doesn't want these dreams to stop. what is a dying man to do, just bare the A.GO.N.Y.

later....

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

china man, china man...

they never change, do they? everywhere they go they always have to spit, talk as loud as they can, and just take take take...a guy (malaysian chinese) who is friends with the people at my house came by, C.G. sold his car today to that guy. he sold it for 400pounds. made a profit huh...but the guy had a phone call and suddenly i felt as though i was back in malaysia, man does he talk loudly on the phone. what the fuck is wrong with the chiinese? you know you screaming into the phone is not gonna make it sound any clearer or and faster. i can understand people shout into their phone in noisy places. but at home? doesn't make sense, does it?

sigh..china man, china man...

leena wants me to post up pictures of inside my house. nothing to see inside my house la leena. it's a very small house la. see la, next time. for now i'll go watch my champions league match.

later...

gloomy tuesday...

today wasn't much of a day at all, did absolutely nothing...the weather was so gloomy and guess what, i had the house all to myself. the whole day i was just listening to songs, flipping channels and ofcourse made some hot chocolate. you know i like days like this, when i have no one at home and i have absolutely nothing to do, just lazing around and enjoying the nothingness. actually i guess thats what i'm used to. well later there's an MU match, champions league match against sparta prague.

well now i'll go watch 'friends', this is the one where rachel move out of monica's place. which season is this?

anyways later...

(poeple are back home, so much for peace and quiet)

St. martins view, chapel allerton

ladies and gentlemen, meet the neighborhood...










i thought i should show you where i live, i guess i'm running out of things to say. well it looks just like the movies huh? but i have to say one thing though, the roads are fucking small, narrow...

p.s. notice how cloudy it is, it was only 2 in the afternoon when i took the pictures.

Monday, October 18, 2004

i cooked again...

well, i didn't burn down the kitchen, i made fried rice, mommy style...well 10 eggs, green chili, onions, and some steamed brocolli. well it smelled great, i haven't tried it yet. but C.G. did and he said it's nice, might be nicer if soya souce was added. not bad huh?

well today i called ricardo, tried calling my mom. couldn't get thru, damn. anyways, it was nice to hear a friendly voice after so long. and ofcourse he told me about his new car plate. sigh... i guess i have to see it everytime i see you huh, nvm. i guess, i just have to bare with it.

hey yuets, i know your secret..shall i write it...heaheahe. (ssshhhhh) i wont la.

later guys, must go try my fried rice.

7813...

why god? why?

have i sinned you that badly? or is it that you've tried taking my life physically but failed miserably, so you're going the emotionally way? ricardo, is this a sign? well if it's not than what the fuck is god's point? what, i mean what is he trying to say? oh man, i am really not in his good grace am i...right right, he has given me good things. you, my family, my chance to come here, my health (sarcastic)...but doesn't he understand what i want the most, what i'm dying on the inside for everyday?

well anyways, congratulations on your new car and this time take good care of it.

later......

dear best friend...

hey, have i done anything without telling you? ofcourse i'll tell you what tattoo i am getting, better still i'll do one better, i'll show you.

these are my choices for my wrist...





and one of these are going to be on my right arm, most probably the yin/yang one...





and this one the back of my leg...



so tell me, like them? actually i surfed the net for them, and i really intend to get all of them before i come back to malaysia. hope i don't get arrested in KLIA, speaking of home. dey i miss home la, i miss everything about it, you, my mom (who else you obviously know, but that can't be helped). dude i'm getting lonely here man. i mean i really try and fill my day up with stuff to do, but still her thoughts haunt me. the last few days, i've been having dreams of her non stop man, some of them are really nice, some flash backs, and some...i can only bear with much tears. thats why i wanted to come back for christmas. well don't worry, i haven't like really decided yet. it was just a thought that crossed my mind. the only one thing right now that i am sure of is that i love her, with all my heart, i love her and i'll never stop, god forbid it, i'll never stop. i miss you man, i miss home, my mom...tried calling her the other day, but something is wrong with my phone. have to get that checked out. anyways dude, i have to go for my medical check-up now. i over slept and missed my bank appoinment already...

later....

Sunday, October 17, 2004

28 st. martins view AGM

well today we had our meeting, as we call it, where by we talk about matters that disturb us, and also the new cleaning timetable, cooking, and ofcourse rations. well they collected 10pounds each for food, then our vacuum brokedown, so 5pounds for that one, then the water bill 15pounds for that, then another 5pounds for a new shower head and hose. the one we have now is busted too. damn thats a total of 35pounds. and i haven't found a job yet. need one soon. well next month before the 10th we have to pay our rent, 50pounds for me. oh yeah i forgot. friday i have to collect my cheque for my rebate from the uni. some good news there. (tattoo) heaheahe.

well tomorrow i have to go to the bank and see someone about my direct debit, and then at 2plus i have my medical check-up. so kinda full day, considering what i have to do later, i have to cook!!! argh...well i think i'll try some of my mom's fried rice. see how that comes out. i'll let you know tomorrow if i didn't burn down the kitchen.

you know if i save enough money next month, i think i'll go back for christmas. but the only thing that is on my mind is that i'll have to study for my exams in january. and beside if i work during christmas i can earn some money. but first of all i have to get a job! keep my fingers crossed. and yours too huh...

black thrill...

well adrian told me to post more pictures, so that was me dressed all in black as usual (wearing a lot of black these days), going out to the movies yesterday. well black all appropriate for the bride and prejudice mourning...




later....

hey ric...

sorry man i wanted to sms you the softwares i wanted, but something is wrong with my phone. anyways if you do go down to low yatt again look fo me okay,

1. Autocad 2000
2. Mastercam/Surfcam
3. ProEngineer

ask ai chin, maybe she knows where to get these softwares, it so expensive here cause you can't get pirated softwares and the lecturer is so careful to release it outside of the uni due to the license thingy, he gave us a student version to use back home, but that cd is not working in my laptop, dunno why. so ric if you can find these softwares for me (hey pirated ones okay)

thanks man.

p.s. remember i said it was a bright sunny day earlier, it's raining here now....

michelle, michelle...

i met this girl with ricardo, way back in 1997. and after that it was kinda dunno what happened to her, she went to the uk, then she came back to kl, she was working, bla bla bla and she had disappeared...she's from penang btw. and couple a weeks back some one added me, and yesterday that person came online and guess who. michelle! wow, i mean oh my god.

and you know what? she's getting married and of this year! i think she is younger that me, oh man. people my age are getting married and i'm just trying to finish my degree. sigh.... anyways it was nice talking to michelle again, after so long. and wish you all the best for you wedding, make lots of babies okay, heaheha. so that means next year can collect ang pau from you la. btw, michelle has a wicked looking tattoo on her hip, i've always remembered that tattoo, looks like the man utd devil with her name on it. really cool....

who said the sport is dying?

two weeks ago there was a russian company announced that they're coming into F1 in 2006 and just these week a dubai company announced they're coming in next year. so with the likes of jordan, jaguar and minardi going out of the sport. well least there will be 2 more coming in. but wait, i'm pretty sure somebody will back the jordans and jaguar, somebody will buy it. F1 is 1F spelled the other way around. so anything can happen. but first of all i want to see bernie fuckellston put the silverstone circuit back into the calendar. he has given the green light but hasn't decided yet on a date and wants to see improvements on the circuit.

sudden;y i have the need for speed. need some go-kart action or some F1 action, back home i have some fantastic races recorded, but here i have to watch itv and pray the run some nice racing shows. the other day the played down a race between an F1 car (button's BAR), a superbike, and a powerboat. it was a quarter mile drag between the 3. i haad my money on the superbike to they can get off the line quick, yes quicker than an F1 car. and as i expected the bike and the F1 car were always neck and neck at the start. but when the car got into top gear...buh bye! the power of an F1 car was so awesome that it blew away the competition after it got into high gear and the 800bhp kicks in. he made the drag in under 10seconds. the bike was about 3 or 4 seconds behind. the boat however made all 3 runs in the exact same time, 16seconds. that was a good show. argh argh argh...

miss my discovery channel, extreme machine, tech tuesday, junkyard wars. damn...even more things to remind me of home. and ricardo, where is the pictures of my pinky? heaheahe, nvm wait till you get your waja, then you can take pictures of both cars and send it to me. i wonder if my dad has fixed my rims back? damn his car is so cool, i only kinda really sat in it only when he sent me to the airport, the car can run, and it was so smooth and quiet. whewww...camry is a camry.

sunday...

this is my 6th sunday here...and i've already started to miss home. my mom, ricardo...these pivotal people in my life, whom i've never been without have suddenly left a void in me that they're not there. the last i spoke to my mom was last week. ricardo has been busy with stuff. life here is not so bad. i have no complains, but it does get lonely here.

"running but i can't hide"...

yesterday my friends back home had a reunion. and i wasn't there. ricardo said it was the probably the first reunion that i was not there. ricardo hate to break this to you but incase you didn't notice, most of the reunions happen at my house or i arranged it (fracturing my arm, getting into hospitals). well wish i was there yesterday with you guys, but as someone told me before, "you can't win them all". although i read in shenn's blog, wait was it shenn's blog? "you can have it all but not all at the same time" i think oprah said that. i can't remember where i read it already.

well today is a bright sunny sunday, but this is british weather. you can't tell. well the leaves are really starting to fall, so fall is officially here. we'll see how this sunny day turns gloomy. cheers

later....

Saturday, October 16, 2004

bride and prejudice

i went to the movies thinking i was gonna watch a denzel movie, but my housemates bought tickets for bride and prejudice, not too bad of a movie. bollywood meets hollywood. but my eyes were tearing all the time. watching the bollywood part of the movie made me feel so horrible. the only thing that came to my mind during the aishwariya rai dance scenes was my princess. the last hindi movie i watched was 'kal ho na ho', with my princess. after that i haven't watched hindi movie nor have i even listened to to a hindi song. damn...i felt so horrible. my princess dancing to 'do la ree' was just playing in my head and tears were flowing from my eyes. i have no idea how long more i can take this. my spirit is being haunted, my heart is being murdered everyday. just when i got up the way i did, i had to go and watch this huh...

do i deserve this much punishment, have sinned that much...W-H-Y? cries of a dying man....

dreams of a lullaby

"dreams are spirits visiting you from the other side" well thats what the (red) indians believe...

no one can really explain dreams can we, some will say this and some will say that. you know the best person i like to tell me dreams to is my mom (ricardo you laugh at my dreams la). she listens and always tell me something i wanna hear and there is always a hug after that.

by know you guys would have guessed it who my dreams was about...
i don't remember the dream but i remember her face and our conversation, it was as usual, magical being in her presence. yes even in my dreams, she is perfect, sometimes too perfect. when i do dream about my princess, i just love the thought of her crossing me in my sleep, but ofcourse there is always that hangover mornings or should i say mournings. when i get up after one of those dreams of her i just wanna curl up on my mother's lap and just cry, cry till i disolve into tears...

right now i miss my mom too much. you know you'd think a new environment will change things a little. unfortunately the man who invented the phrase "you can run but you can't hide" wasn't lying. i told ricardo before leaving, i have to leave, everything here is too painful...but, ricardo told me it's gonna be worst over if i run away from my pain. well dude, you were absolutely R.I.G.H.T. but i guess pain does get immune sometimes doesn't it, somebody pls say it does...

well housemates wanna go watch bride and prejudice, i wanna go for denzel's man on fire.

later...

Friday, October 15, 2004

man utd...

there is this big protest going on here to prevent some big american tycoon from buying up a major stocks in the club. hey whats so wrong with that. more money, you morons.. more money, more talented player (chelsea, abramovich) not that we need any though. and their demonstration is gonna go off on a big scale next week during the arsenal v MU showdown. hope it doesn't get ugly, concerntrate on the football guys...

did i mention i have a lecturer who looks like alex ferguson. and also i have one classmate who looks like steve mclaren. that dude asked me when i was writing my name in the register, "oik, yu wittin yok addressss there?"...today he said by week five he'll finally have my name down, heahehae. funny dude, but kinda helpful. he is a mature part-time student. he's a manager in one of the plants near by. cool huh?

later...

(i sense i'll be writting a lot tonight)

friends...

you know they run friends here on...i think on all the networks. it's so confusing. i mean one night rachel and ross got married in vegas, then the next day i'm watching rachel has moved in into joey's place, then monica and chandler get invovle with each other, then the next day rahcel is pregnant with ross's baby. the next day joey is stealing a peguin from emma, rachel's daughter...then pheobe robs ross when they were kids...whoa. i wish i had watched more friends with ricardo. the first thing i do when i come home, e-flix, and it's gonna be friends season all night long. hey ric, remember that night you, navein and my brother had that movie night, with chicken wings, ikan panggang, and la la...wow, that was a nice night. too bad it was not an all nighter. that was the night we watched 'cast away'.

ahhh....movies, good food, good friends...good times

full term...

well i have my final year project selected, today i got another assignment for project managament and another assignment for 3d modelling. oh man...well the good thing is that for project management the assignment is a 1500 word essay which is 70% and 30% for the presentation. for 3d modelling is just to create a model of an end product and that is 100%, no exams for both, cool huh? and these are my core modules. heahehae.

okay, today is a friday night, it's raining outside and i'm cold and hungry. can it get any more pathetic. oh yes it can...with me it always can. here in the uk they all q' up for the bus and there is no rush at all. when the bus driver thinks it is full he will close the door and leave, he will not care if there is more passengers. so it's kinda like an unmentioned rule her that everybody will q' up (no matter what!). today, it was raining, i walked from the uni to the bus stop (which i do everyday, sigh) and there is a q' waiting for the bus in the rain. and i was apart of that idiotic act. standing there in the rain, i was thinking would i ever do something like this back home in malaysia. then two people crossed my mind, first yuets, for telling me a couple of days ago to go dancing in the rain. and my princess, she loved getting wet in the rain. and i used to scold her for doing it, she had asthma so it really wasn't good for her, and yet she'll insist on doing it ....

well tonight i'm gonna curl up with my laptop, tv, music, hot bournmita (cadbury chocolate drink), and my thick blankie...it's a night in guys...

see if i have something to say later...

(btw, my blog has averaged 5 post a week, stupid ppl i write everyday la!!!)

circle of life...

well i just finished my project proposal, it's very brief. i just put in my project title, a very short description about the project and made up some gantt charts for the project flow schedule. well i'll hand it in tomorrow, and we'll take it from there, if there is somewhere to take it.

oh well, leena read my death wish, as i would call it and she said it was the most depressing thing she has ever read (and karen said it was a very lovely paragraph...). well at the end of the day we fail no realize that every soul is born with only one certainty, and that is death. and it is the only one thing we can never plan, or should i say many fail to plan. wouldn't it be nice if everybody could draft out the way we wanna go. i mean we'd think our creation wasn't plan but thats between you and god. i know not many people think about their own death, well at least normal people wouldn't. but call planning ahead or even being well prepared. heaheahe...

hey didn't mean to make you cry, i was just writing pout something that poped in my head but if you thought that was depressing, don't read any further. the death part one thing, but how about the funeral??? well i'd like the ceremony to take place in one of those high mountain shore lines, you know the ones like in ireland or scotland. well obviously i'd like to ashes by then. a small part of my ashes will be given to each and everyone who is in attendance (oh btw, my funeral is by invitation only) then they cast my ashes into the air on looking the ocean. and the remainding ashes, well either ricardo or adrian is gonna have to do this. cast along hockenheim, the old track. heaheahe. rest in peace.

what am i saying, i believe in the relativity theory, and besides i believe in reincarnation. so it's a never ending cycle...

Thursday, October 14, 2004

...

i got back from uni like an hour ago, walk in the door and i catch one of my housemates watching porn. oookkkayyyy. no biggie, i watched porn before, and besides it's normal for men to watch porn, it just means they have an active sexual mind. okay you wanna know what gets to me. i only know him for, what? how long have i been here. come on man, i don't know you to sit and watch porn with you. and the worst part, he was watching porn about a man having sex with a married woman, she only doing it to save her husband. do you know how much damage that can have on a guy who is still not over the woman he loves, the man who still cries at nights because the thought of another man with his woman crossed his mind, can you imagine how i was just burning on the inside, visions would just pop in your head and....oh man.

right now i would just like to say, i mean, come on. not only you caused an awkward moment but you made me suffer so much on the inside as well. but then again, he wouldn't know that. and i don't blame him. you know sometimes when things happen and you just know god's punishing you. well this was one of those things....

later....

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

death is an illusion

to kick the bucket, curtains, end of the road, to cash in, walk thru the tunnel....

there was once adrian and me were having a conversation about how we'd wanna go. adrian said disappear into the night (pills la, obviously). thats my biggest fear, t0 disappear. but when adrian looked at me and asked me how'd i wanna go, in a very joking manner i told him that a gunshot to the head. i even added that i wouldn't wanna pull the trigger, probably attach a string from the door knob to the trigger, then call on somebody. heahehea.."honey...come in for a second".

but honestly, how would i wanna go...

remember Bicentennial Man, both andrew and amanda lie down next to each other and they get switched off by galatea. (how am i remembering all this?)....perfect, in a technical sense.

well i wish mine was a little different, instead of a bedroom, how about we shift to the beach (maui or mexico coast), hang out there during the night, talk all night long and watch the sun rise together. then end up together on one deck chair with both of us in each others arms, 'faith of the heart' (or 'to be with you', or 'can't help falling in love') playing in the background. a nice cocktail drink in both of our hands. we smooch all day, nuzzle noses together, i stare into her big brown eyes all the time, her huge therapeutic smile, and take her scent in the whole time. the nice beach breeze, just remain like that till sunset. just before sunset, i'd like to say..

"my life was a dream and you were my neverland. you gave me zest for life, you gave me tears, you gave me smiles, joy, pain, lust...you gave me a destiny to fullfil, a journey to complete and today i thought it would end, but now looking into your eyes and i see my reflections and i know without a shodow of a doubt, my death is an illusion, cause my love for you is immortal...i love, you and only you, forever....."

just then i'd kiss her forehead and clutch her in my arms. my eyes should mellow down...and i fade into an eternity of hers...

"it's been a long road..."

now THAT is immortality at it's best, and god, if you're reading my blog, you know, work your magic.....

project, project, project...

ever since i finished high school, i have been doing projects after projects. man, GMI had so many projects. i had the paper punch production, then the file retainer, the eraser sheild, then the door hinge, my hydraulic project....damn, how can i forget my need for speed project. and today finally saw my project supervisors. man wants me to follow my previous projects, but use simulations, cool huh?

well we'll see how much of it he wants me to retain and how much more he wants me to add in, probably i'd rather follow thru with the project, in a research manner. see how i can do it.

oh today i told leena, secrets only ricardo and adrian knows about...well they've always troubled me, i thought i wasn't normal. but i guess now having a woman's point of view to add to all the adrian's and ricardo's convincing me it was normal, kinda makes me feel it's okay. anyways we'll see how things do go...

today while waiting at the bank, i was standing in the q' with my wallet in my hand, guess what i did. i took out my princess's picture out (yes, ricardo i still carry her picture with me) and was just staring at it. without me knowing a drop of tear dropped on the photo. only then i knew i was tearing. she had the most beautiful eyes i had ever seen, i saw myself in it...

drops of jupiter....

birthday party...

today i helped picked out a ronaldo 7 man united jersey for saba... for his bday. we also bought some gifts for another 2 lankans who live with saba. he loved the jersey, the moment we presented it to him, he wore it and was so proud of it. man united fan right...we probably go down to old traford and watch a match. saba also promised me to help me get a job in germany after i graduate. he has got contacts there and he said, just give it a try since i know german. wow, cool huh?



well we were so busy drinking there that everybody was so impressed how much i could drink. heahehae. if only they knew how much of an alcoholic i was back in malaysia. well they think i don't have a liver now. aiyo. saba was telling me don't show these pic to my mom, then she'll will think the lankans had spoiled me. i told him that my mom will scold me for spoiling you guys. heahehae. mommy i'm still your good spoilt child (wink wink)..

well tomorrow i have to go to the uni to attend some personal devolopement tutorial class, have no idea what is it. well will attend it and see my project supervisor. see if i can get my project proposal done by tomorrow...

so, see how tomorrow goes...hey yuets, i'll be getting my tattoo's next week, will take photos and show you babe. cheers baby...

later...

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

changes

i've changed my the way my blog looks, cool? well i decided to use adrian's famous shot (mafia pic, as i call it) to match the black background.

ricardo helped me link my blog to his and leena's.

and today i decided to change my details about me. read it...see if you can tell where i took it from.

this is what that was written;
A person who'd rather be dead but for some unforseen reason my life is still going on. Not that i'm suprised considering how well (NOT!!!) things in my life have been falling into places. shit happens, and when it does in my case, i always know about it only after it hits the fan. so right now i don't know anything about myself, i have to rediscover it all over again, this time...baby steps, i'm the new dead man walking

later...

Monday, October 11, 2004

a world of my own

the weekend was a wonderful experience for one of my friends, i was really happy she had such a wonderful time. but there is a downside to it...

i hope you feel better when you wake up in the morning and realize, it's not your doing. your not the one who broke up the happy marriage. it's just not you.

love, sigh...

frauds...malaysia boleh

do you wanna know why malaysians have a bad name here in the UK. well their are a bunch of frauds. the seniors who lived here last year. get this, one of them bought 10 handphones with his solo card and left, another bought an iPod, another has so many bank settlements that, the bank is still sending his letters (notices to be more precise), it sometimes very funny to realise how much we malaysians take things for granted, the moment we get something for free, we take advantage of it and we call the singaporians kiasu.

well one of my housemates have found out who edward is...he was a lankan who is still around, man made some quick business deals, made his fortune and sold his business. now drives a BMer. well he must the idiot who did something with this house address.

frauds, police, con-mans...funny how all of them are inter-connecting with this house. of all houses a house where i'm living in. well somehow i'm just not afraid or suprised things like this are going down. knowing my luck...

"this is the police, you're surrounded...come out with your hands in the air!!!"

later...

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Faith of the heart...

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing's in my way
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna hold me down

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I've finally had my day
And I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna change my mind

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart

I know that we're so cold
We've seen the darkest days
But now the winds I feel
Are only winds of change
I've been through the fire
I've been through the rain
But I'll be flying, oh yeah

'Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith, I've got faith, faith of the heart

It's been a long road....

you know when i die, somebody please play THIS song! rod stewart's faith of the heart. another song to add to my favorate songs list.

well...

the cops didn't come after all. it's 8pm and there is no one here yet, so it shouldn't be a problem. i hope ...and kumar isn't back either. i think he's scared also. heahahe. lets hope no one comes tomorrow. tomorrow i need to go to uni, see the finance dept. and my project supervisor. so can't be wasting time being at home trying to explain shit to stupid british cops.

hey i didn't know yuets was a leo too, heaheha...we have more things in common, huh? hey yuets being a leo is not so bad la, we rule the stars. we're the king of the jungle, master of the beasts, we roar fear into the hearts of all the other signs...(just for me, a scorpio sting is good enough, inflate me). but for you...ahem ahem.

anyways..

hey ric, take it easy dude. you know i'm here for you. always will be. hang in there and remember, i know you'll do well. hope you get a job soon. damn i remember when i was looking for a job. it sucks. hang in there.

later....

who da man...who da man!!!

shut up press, will the real slim schuey please stand up, please stand up.

all i have to say to all those people who said he's lost it is...hah!! the japanese grand prix was unbelieveable, he qualified on pole; led from the start, till the chequered flag. imagine this, he had a 3 stop pit strategy, and every time he went into the pits, he came out still in the lead. that was how dominant the scarlet baron was today. the commentator, martin brundle (ex F1 driver) said "today he was god, he had the speed, the car, the right set of mind and he did the best with it, he was in a league of his own" then he added "his pace, compared to the others was a country mile apart"...turns 1 thru 8 of suzuka is the fastest corner sections on the entire calendar, and it was rumoured that schumacher would never even tap on his breaks in those corners, well today it was proven. they have they rev and brake telemetry thats pops up on you tv screen when they follow a driver. well that proved schumi was just tempering with the accelerator. so another, hah!! to everyone.

enough about F1, on a serious note,

well today the cops came to the house, apparently their looking for a guy named edward. well they came here after F1, ao i was in bed. kumar my housemate, told them that there is no one at home, come back at 5, everyone will be at home. aiyo!!! kumar, the mice guy he is, makes me feel guilty for writting this, kumar your a dumb fuck! clearly their are looking for someone else. you know there is no edward here. just tell them no such person i'm sorry you have the wrong house. damn now the cops will be coming back at 5 to investigate. and their not normal cops who in uniform, their were dressed in casual clothes. onother thing basil's visa has expired and so has raja's. now what the hell are they gonna produce when the cops ask them for identification, and kumar knows this...aiyo dumb kumar.

the nice guy kumar is, sometimes he argues for the stupidest things and just never gives up a fight, he's the typical india fellow la. he eats a lot, has to watch a tamil movie everyday, debates whether rajnikanth or kamal hassan is a better actor. thinks he know everything about everything and thinks the universe revolves around india. okay, where's all this anger for him coming from. he such a nice guy. wow. but still stupid kumar!!! hope he doesn't read my blog, heaheha.

later...

the wonders of family

you know just hearing the voice of the person you love so much, can make a big difference. today i heard my mom's, i heard her say "i love you son", i heard her say "i miss you son". i talked to my aunty and my uncle, i talked to balan, my cous. damn i miss them. and just the thought of all them keep me warm tonight. i love all of you guys.

i chatted with my princess also this morning. i told her i was sick, and just as i knew what she was going to say, she said it. "take vitamin c". i don't know if she still cares for me (or if she still loves me) but i'd like to think she does. i know the most gentle creature i've ever met couldn't stop loving someone. she once told me she hated men, all men, until she met me. i know thats true. i believe thats true.

here's to my warm night.....

Saturday, October 09, 2004

sports saturday...

every weekend has got to be a sports weekend man...here football is a tradition, it's more valuable than family and love, it's a lifestyle. but for me nothing even comes close to Formula One. but football is okay.

england v wales...
can it get any bigger than this in the united kingdom, and of all places the match is set in the theater of dreams. well lampard and beckham sent wales packing back home with a 2-0 victory for england. beckhams goal was a screamer. it was funny to see david beckham and ryan giggs at each others face, over a throw in. can you imagine how many things were tied to manchester united, the stadium, ryan giggs, gary nevile, wayne rooney, rio ferdinand...then there were the formers, mark hughes, david bekham, nicky butt. but i tell you i wanted wales to win.

france v ireland...
now this is gonna be a cracker. but it's just about to start. there is one hardcore zizu fan in my house, basil. but i hate them because of henry (arsenal). and i'm gonna be all out for ireland, heaheahe. one reason, roy keane. actually if eric cantona and david ginola was allowed to play for the french team. i would have supported them, but to call these two players a disgrace to their country in 94 and then again in 98. french bastards. screw them...

japanese gp qualifying...
they're not playing it on tv...(sniff sniff). now i miss starsports. well i don't blame them. the qualifying was postponed because of a typhoon scare. on friday the practice session was more than wet. well it is now schedule to take place at 1am and the race at 6am, british time. imagine a wet gp, at suzuka. 'wet, suzuka'...'wet, suzuka'. heahehae. those of you out there who know me. probably know what the fuck i'm hinting at. well lets just say there is a lot of shutting up to be done by the scarlet baron.

well enough about sports, after this i wanna go for a drink la. down to hq. get myself a warm guiness, or a shot of whisky. a cure for my flu.

later....

p.s. hoi, where's my answer? "meant to be"?

yawn yawn...

just got up, i hate mornings, i am not a morning person. i love the nights better. actually i hate them both. cause during the day the sun is up and it hurts my eyes, then in the night the sun goes down and everyone turns their lights on, and that hurts my eyes also...sigh!

hey btw the movie i was watching yesterday, forces of nature. i have to say the movie has some spectacular nature scenes. awesome scene at the railway bridge above the river, the scene at the waterfall at the end, and the ice rain that comes down...what do they call it again?

yes another question, when light hits your eyes and then after you get this flow/fade in your eyes when you look away from the light...you know what i'm talking about, what do you call that?

i have a lot of questions la these days, later...

here's the hollywood version

okay at the end of the movie, affleck's dad tells him this...

"no one knows for sure, it's all a leap of faith..you have a feeling in your heart and you go with it, and you discover it along the way...."

whats your take on that?

whats going on here...

is my blog turning into oprah?

question?

what do you understand by the term "meant to be"?

i know for sure there are 3 people out there who reads my blog, so come one, what is "meant to be", does it even exist. how come i'm finding a hard time with this "meant to be" thingy, suddenly? it's 2am here and instead of watching shrek, i'm watching errr..whats this movie called again, ben affleck, sandra bullock...errr nature somthing, or somthing nature. serves me right.

guys, come one, pour in..."meant to be"

Friday, October 08, 2004

donkey...

you know i was watching the nutty professor yesterday and eddie murphy is hilarious. man i forgot how funny that guy is. he is the most disgusting comedian around, actually i think rob schneider wins that one hands down. don't believe me watch duece biggolo male giggolo, or the animal, even hotchick. i guess i'm a sucker for comedy (what am i saying, i'm a movie buff..anything goes). whatever happened to chevy chase? i use to love his comedies. fletch, the nat lampoon day, any idea what was his last movie? now who is my favorate comedian, jim carey...nah, he is funny but not my fav. hmmm...eh! how can i forget tim 'the toolman' taylor, i mean tim allen. yeah must say tim allen. he is definetly my fav. love the noises he makes. argh argh argh argh...i also loved paul reiser, remember mad about you...

hey come to think of it, there are many black comedians aren't there, i mean theres eddie murphy, chris rock, the hilarious bernie mac (the card dealer in ocean's eleven), cedrick the entertainer, oh there's the wayans' family (all 5 of them), they were funny in true colors. what happened to sinbad? is will smith in the comedian category? and whats up with jamie foxx doing serious roles? hey, how can i forget whoopi goldberg...hey that loud mouth in rush hour, errr.... chrir tucker, yeah, he was funny...oh oh oh...i forgot the original king of black comedy, richard pryor. does anyone know who george wallace? i know i am missing someone...one big name to, i know i'm forgetting one name..help me out here, ricardo?

what was your fav sitcom? my list kinda goes on and on

home improvement
mad about you
3rd rock from the sun
that 70's show
everybody loves raymond
dharma and greg (sighh....)
friends
frasier
family matters
family ties (okay, which one was the one with michael j. fox?)
will and grace
the fresh prince of bel'air
just shoot me
the drew carey show
titus (hilarious...)
stark raving mad
malcom in the middle
cheers
simpsons (how can i forget the simpsons, but does this count as a sitcom)
futurama (if the simpsons is in this has to be in as well)
the king of queens
becker
my wife and kids
grounded for life

okay, am i missing out on anyone else. ricardo, help again...

all this talk about comedy i really want to watch a really good comedy, i need some fucking good laughter. they say laughter is the best medicine, how true is this? anyways. there isn't much movies here to watch, i have only one option. shrek 2, hey i'm not complaining. shrek 1 was my parents favorate show. there was once i came home really late at night, i think it was a weekend. i saw the tv running from outside, and wanted to scold my mom for staying up so late, so i open the door and come inside, check it out my parents watching shrek together, with my dad's head leaning on my mom's lap. and the both of them laughing their guts out. it was a sight to beheld with, considering a lot of other things (avoiding the entire subject here). anyways i think my dad was the first guy in malaysia to buy shrek 2 vcd. heahehae.

anyways, me will go laugh till i drop, you guys go figure out my sitcom list.

later.....

TGIF...

you know how fridays are suppose to be the best day in the week, TGIF (sadly i never knew about that phrase up till last year) but my fridays are fucked. i have class from 9am up till 5pm. okay, no big deal compared to gmi, i had classes from 10am to 10pm. but that was machining and project work, you know. the whole day i'll be in the design room, then down in the jobshop, spend some timw in the calibration room. there was a balance to it. you know using my brains and brawn. theory and practical skill, both was being challenged. but my fridays here. get this,

9am - 11am managing people in technology
11am - 12pm individual project assgnment
12pm - 1pm lunch
1pm - 3pm planning support system
3pm - 5pm 3d modelling

planning support system is was challenging, i mean, it just takes everything out of you. they go on and on with fractions, graphs and simplex methods of calculating production variables, of god. the lecturer, benard o'toole. he is another character (physical appearance, alex ferguson), he is like another kai cheng. imagine having their classes back to back. one part time student told me today, he was with benard last sem as well, that no one usually knows what he is teaching about but he'll get you there. and he has the lowest fail rates for his modules. so i guess thats good news. and even kai cheng, has a reputation of giving good marks.

well i am feeling a little better, the nose is still like a leaking sink. but the rest, feeling better. i bought some files, need to start filling all my notes. i still need my notes from back home, most of the subjects that i am studying here, i have done it back home, so if i had my notes probably it'll help.

have you ever had like a thought brewing in your head, but don't know what it is? i really want to write it in, but can't spit it out, heck don't even know what it is...thats even worst.

hey ricardo, thanks for helping me out man. i appreciate it. and will you please leave yuets alone, pity the poor girl la, aiyo. there is nothing going on between the both of us la. (actually there is la, but thats between me and yuets, wink wink, you know what i mean right..yuets) heaheahe. anyways tomorrow is saturday, oh man...forgot, tomorrow is the japanese gp. man i wonder what time is it ah? anyways we'll have something interesting to do tomorrow. oh yes have to call my beloved moomy too, really miss her a lot. love you mom.

let me go think, maybe my mind can vacuum my thoughts out...

later.....

Thursday, October 07, 2004

good tv....

i haven't really talked about the tv here have i, besides the plastic surgery show. most of the time tv here is the worst of them all. if you don't have sky tv (something like astro) that is. the british programs are boring, with the worst sense of humor, and for goodness sake, speak english, learn to pronounce and enunciate, for fuck sakes man, you guys invented the damn language! but other than that, they have sex in the city, without the malaysian censor board watching. they occasionally play good movies, also uncensored. but the best thingof all are the advertisements here.

the first one i wanna talk about is a renault ad, where by thet play bingo with their cars, the reds win it. oh then there is the vauxhall ad, where the cars play football, then the citroen ad, where all the other cars are made out of cardboxes.

shampoo ads, my favorate is the sanex ad, where a husband gives his pregnant wife a bath, and then towards the end, when he is done, he kisses her bulging belly. such a sweet ad. the head and shoulders ad, where a guy bitches about his gf, using all his stuff, his boxers, his towel, his perfume even his rubber ducky, but the one thing she doesn't touch is his head and shoulders, heaheahe..

but my favorate ad of them all...(picture this)

it's early in the morning, and there is a man sleeping in the bed, loud music from the apartment below, wakes him up...guess who? Michael Schumacher. yes you heard me right Michael Schumacher. scene cuts, scene begins with him eating breakfast (cereal), all the while he looks disturbed and fucking bored. then him all dressed up in office attire, waiting for a bus...yes, a bus..and he is frustrated that the bus is late. next scene, the great 7 time world champion is sitting in a desk in a crummy office, doing paper work!!! he is clipping documents together and someone comes and put another stack of paper on his desk, and he seems even more disturbed by it. scene cuts, next scene begins with Schumacher doing what he does best, in the seat of his Ferarri, it's a driver streering shot, and he pull into the pitlane, pit crew secures his car and he gets out and screams, takes out his helmet and it's not Schumacher, it's some british guy just rushing with adrenelin after experiencing the F1 thrill. just then Rubens pops his head out of the pit and the guy goes to hug him and Rubens reluctantly hugs him back with an awkward smile on his face. scene ends with a voice saying, swap lifes with Michael Schumacher, scene cuts to a video phone game of F1 and the ad ends with the vodafone symbol. it is way to cool of an ad man. a must watch.

heaheha. enjoy the british television, later....

still feeling sick

i am still sick laaaaa....(whining)

i have a throat that sounds like a grass cutter, a body aching like i was trampled during thaipusam, my nose, niagara falls and my head, a crash test dummy...can it get any worst. yes it can, (with me it always can) the heater is broken in the house and the damn owner still hasn't sent anyone to take a look at it. getting colder, colder...opps i think i freezed.

thats not all the bad news i have for you folks. when you read my blog, and you expect to read about tragedy, boy, do i really deliver. you know how i was suppose to move into this great place, with the fire place and the skyroof, well me being the idiot i am. went and register at the bank with that address. now my debit card, atm card, cheque books all have been sent to that address. even though i went there the next day after opening an account to tell them personally not to send it there cause i didn't move in. they went and did anyways. what is going to happen next...everyday is an adventure with me, not the indiana jones kind where the hero gets the gold and the girl, and rescue an entire extinct species of people. mine is the one where the hero gets beat up, thrown out of, rejected from, blown up, kicked in the groin, dagger in the back, sand in the eyes. and after all that, he goes home limping, bruised and battered, missing an arm and a couple of fingers and toes, he is just glad to see home.

oh boy, you know they say winter is the most depressing season of all, and christmas has the highest suicide rates. damn. hey my house now is like my house back home, with all the airconds switched on. you know what i miss, sitting on my bed downstairs, watching tv till late nights, and then going out mamak with navein or ricardo. then go to the gym early in the morning. wow, those were the days. miss them. damn this stupid UK. hey someone call kayu nasi kandar and ask them to open a branch in leeds. quick quick. okay la kayu can't get also, khaleel will be good. oh god, any mamak la!!!!

okay the headache is making me ramble with nonsense, need to rest now, later.....

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

not feeling well...

i am sick..i am sick...

i hate being sick, i've got a sore throat and maybe feeling a little feverish. you know whats the worst part, the damn heater brokedown. to top that off, in the news today 'flu season just begun'. can it get any worst. my housemates made some curry and i know it's spicy. so i made some chicken soup and ate bread. came out quite well, heaheahe...(ssshhh, don't tell anyone, it's canned chicken soup).

earlier i was chatting with azmi, he's got his exams coming up shortly..wish you all the best man. thats for you too princess, they're college mates. also leena is having her finals, goodluck to you too. everybody's having their finals, and i'm just starting my semester. damn need a jump start. seerves me right for just not giving a damn about my life. i was at home for 2 years doing nothing, then went back to college and finished my diploma, then was suppose to go to the UK but didn't, long story, but that was a year i will never forget. and now finally i am here, trying to finish my studies. well, wish me luck.

tomorrow i have classes. well not need to take a bus anymore. my housemate bought a car. he bought a 1991 rover, 1.6. not bad looking and the condition is not bad either. he bought it for only 200pounds. cars here are cheap but there is a catch, insurance is a 1000pounds. well he has found loop holes to run thru them. why is it that everytime i talk about cars, i'd miss pinky. damn....

does anyone out there have any ideas what i should be doing for my final year project? my mind can't think of anything la...

i miss my mom...

my uncle wrote me today...

How are you getting along? Everything here is as usual. Lastnight your father was here and he miss you very much. The whole night he was taking about you only. Your mother is also missing you very much and according to your father, she cries whenever she cooks something is your favourite. so please keep in touch with your mum and dad. Take good care of yourself and study hard. bye, keep in touch.

Thanks

i knew she would. thanks mama (thats what we call our uncles in tamil). mommy whereever i am, no matter how far i am, i will always think of you. you are the gem of my heart, nothing will change that. no matter how long it takes, no matter what it takes...i will always be with you till the end of time. you are the most special person to me. love you mom, miss you always.

tears rolling down my eyes, write more later....

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

i cooked yesterday

i made pasta yesterday....whooooo hoooo....

it came out great and everynody said it was nice. only one person couldn't eat it. kumar, one of my housemates. he is indian, from india and he has never eaten pasta, poor guy, he couldn't take it. he really didn't like it. well anyways at least it wasn't that bad of a start.

maybe next week i'll try somethin else...any suggestions? my chef service is open to any.ahem ahem.

by the way the song i posted earlier was the Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo Ole' , remeber a couple of blogs back i said i finally doenloaded it and about the hawaiian singer and he had died. well thats the song.

anyways, today me not going out. yesterday went to register at a job agency, and today i got a call from one of those job agencies, saying they don't help people who have never worked in the UK before. stupid people, why didn't they say that yesterday!!! and she but the line on me when i was trying to explain to her that i'm a student and i have worked back home, but i've only been in the country a month now. come to think of it, i left malaysia on the sept 6th and today is oct 5th....wow! a month.

later.....

somewhere over the rainbow...

OK this one's for Gabby
Ooooo oooooo ohoohohoo
Ooooo ohooohoo oooohoo
Ooooo ohoohooo oohoooo
Oohooo oohoooho ooooho
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,
why, oh why can't I? i iiii

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark
and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you

I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ?

Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
i wonder who is Gabby, anyone? wish i was Gabby.

(p.s. the bold lines mean the most to me, which is why this song has become one of my favorate songs)

Sunday, October 03, 2004

sunday...no complains

started out well, got up around 12.30...did a little cleaning, then took a shower. then helped out with the cooking a bit, sliced the onions, passed the salt, and stared at the cook, heaheha. then kamal, one of our buddies bought a bottle of bacardi. then saba, the sri lankan i was talking about the last time, he came down. we all had some drnks...then i used my webcam and made some home movies. it was hilarious, there was some drinking sessions, a massage session, some gossip talk session. it was hilarious when we were replayed it, everyone was like, was that me?! then it was dinner time, the mutton curry kinda turned out quite okay. then it was late and eveyrbody hit the sack. hmmmm typical guy's sunday. drinks, mutton, movie and nap time...

today i was talking to ricardo online..i think he is feeling a little lonely, hope he feels better, then was chatting to karen, yuets..then leena, did i mention leena is a person i chat with a lot these days. she's nice, a good friend. weird how she's always up way beyond 5am malaysian time. i've never met her before. met her online last year. hey leena you're a good friend. want you to know that.

oh yeah today i was chatting with ben and he showed me his tattoo, he did it in sabah, it looked cool but he said the ink work is bad. well i told him about my tattoo and how i'm gonna get my other tattoo's done later. it's quite cheap here. but i'll only think about it when i get my job and my pay. before that i'm not even gonna think about it. can you imagine if i had my entire left hand tattooed, surrounding my precious tattoo now...it would look cool, but it's true what ben said. it'll affect my jobs later. i will never be able to wear short sleeve shirt to work ever. but we'll see. i have to get my arms back to size, after the facrture my arms have lost it's size. thats for sure. i need to get buffed. heaheahe...i'd definetely wanna get the tribal tattoo's on my wrist, it would be cool...will take photos and show you guys how it all goes.

anyways, nothing else to write. later....

Saturday, October 02, 2004

weekends

so far the weekends here are boring la...nothing much to do, unless you kaki clubbing la. and besides it's freaking cold outside. but i'm amazed how the white chicks wear such short skirts and not feel cold. their legs look so pale, some of them look bluis and pinkish, aren't they cold!?
anyways maybe tonight we'll go down to hq (local town pub) have a couple of beers.

later.....

dead man walking

everybody is asking me why am i calling myself this....

when i was young, my dad always called me 'snugglepuss'...after the cartoon character. i don't really remember why, but he always did. then when i got older a bit i use to talk too much, so people called me 'oldman', then the 'oldman' turned into 'oldbastard'. but after my horrible year (i mean this year) i was always 'rather be dead'. i mean the things i had to go thru. i can remember a time when i was screaming at the skies saying..."you'd better have something big planned for me!!! or why else are you trying to kill me but not finish the job!". then came the funny part "if you wanna kill me send some professionals, or do it yourself!!!, whats the matter, you, too chicken to come down and face me?!!!" then..."is that all you've got!!!"

but after surviving all that, i'd like to think i've reborn, i'm given a chance to start over again, true it WON'T be the same, true it's NOT going to be easy, true a HUGE part of me is lost and will NEVER be replaced....but (i'll stop at that....) but....

thats why i'm the new dead man walking

not a zombie la yuets!!! and not the undertaker as well, and i'm not in a suicidal mood neither, nor is it a movie tittle la azmi...

i'd like to think dead man walking, along angels and demons. fighting his way back to the face of earth. where he can be one with home, once again. hey make sure no video game poeple rip my idea of and make it into some ps2 game!!!

later......

so much to say...

i'll start with something most of us (somhow i doubt anyone readin my blog does feel this way) are ragging about. yesterday, silverstone was axed from F1 calendar! what the fuck is wrong with bernie eccelstone, this year it was one of the most exciting gp's...i mean think about it, last season the was no spa, next season there will be no more abby, becketts, the complex, the dunlop straight....all these famous sections will disappear from from F1, a huge part of F1 history, will just be wiped away just like that. in my mind circuits like silverstone, hokkeinheim, spa-franchochamp, monza, monaco are the pillars to the F1 calendar. they are the oldest circuits around and they've delivered time and time again, drives of the season, dog-fights only dared dreamed by the mortals. think about it, this season michael schumacher drove one of his best ever drives in monza, who can forget the famous mika hakkinen dummy move on schumacher at spa in 1998, barrichello's win at hokkeinheim in 2000, from eight place and without overtaking anyone, in the wet on dry tyres. aryton senna's last win at monaco in 1993, a career of 6 wins at the street circuit. and the famous michael schumacher pitlane win over mika hakinnen at silverstone in 1998. silverstone holds so much F1 tradition. the festival of speed before the gp, the F1 muzeum during F1 week. all this gone. did you guys know that ferrari won it's maiden win at silverstone in 1951. today silverstone, tomorrow which track is going to be axed for the hightech sepangs, shanghais, bahrains...i know technology break throughs is what F1 is build on. to go faster and challenge the time, to rewrite the laws of physics. the need for speed. but think about this, all these ideologies were born because of one thing, tradition! and in the brotherhood of speed tradition comes second to none. so all i have to say is after complaining that the sport is being run down by big budgets, a certain germans domination, tv-time-sponsor fued, bernie you're suppose to be saving the sport not add to it's misery so fuck you bernie eccelstone. (i sound like a brit already)....

from matters of speed to matters of my heart,

okay i talked to my princess online last night, all this after so much talk about the issue with yuets. yuets asked me "is she worth all this?" and i said "in all honesty, more than anything else in this entire world"...and yuets said "she is one lucky gal"...yuets, no one will replace my princess in my heart and there is nothing that will change my love for her, i know little, but this much i know, my love for her will never end, even after time. princess i love you, truly, madly, deeply...more than my life itself...

yuets gave me this peom...

in my next life i want to be a tear
to be born in your eyes
to live my entire life on you cheeks
and to die on you lips...

but i'll add one more line;

and to forever be a vapor in you taste....

thanks yuets for talking to me, but i didn't think i'd be talking about all this with you, i mean all my matters of my heart i'd only talk about it with ricardo and my mommy. which two of them i miss so much. before i came down to uk, i was sleeping on my mom's lap and crying my heart out, and she told me as long as she lives, everything will be fine...she'll make sure everything goes well, she promised. i love you mom...don't feel left out ricardo, i love you too my brother in arms. i told her that i still love her, and i think now she'll try and stay invisible to me as long as she can. i pray for you princess, i pray for you everyday. god will draft out you path and angels will guide you there, i swear it.

later my blog, my soul asylum.....

Friday, October 01, 2004

thus far the worst day here...

actually not really, but it was bad...i got up late, not that late though, still had time to make to class but i had the worst tummy pain, had to go to the damn toilet. then went uni, but couldn't go to class cause had to go to the toilet again. felt like shit, i was really coming down with something. so i went back home, took some panadol, vitamin c and then went back to uni. saw the lecturer who's class i missed got my notes and all. then it was another boring lecture about our individual project, which was a complete waste of time. he went on about i don't even know what. after that i had an interesting class, planning support system. when i learned it back home it was called project and operations management. it was fun and challenging. loved it, but i know this subject can get a little tough. then came the finale...KAI CHENG. he's my 3D modelling prof. oh my god is he a looney. half the time i can understand what he's saying, he has got a
japanese-taiwanese-korean-chinese-whatevernese kinda english. oh god, but he knows his stuff. he must really know what he is talking about. took us to the research lab and was about to unvail something huge...all the students was anticipating it..turned out to be a CNC 5-axis milling machine, one that i'm too familiar with...haidennan machine. the white dudes were like is this a spaceship, time machine... one guy went, you know i'm still looking for a place to live, can i live in there....farny guys!!! but suprisingly they've never seen one before.

you know half the time during kai cheng's class my mind was wandering, and was remembering about all my times with you know who...had to slap myself and bring myself back to the class. it is really hard trying to forget her. my mind and heart just wanders towards her. she really had a profound impact on me. i wish i can see her, sigh! i love you princess...don't know how long i have to fend off my feelings for her, how long more i have to suffer and cry on the inside like this. remember eternal sunshine, jim carey and kate winslet got their memory's removed after they broke up...but end up back with each other. it was a good movie. according to wai keong one the best movies ever made, hmmm...

oh well, later...