my thoughts...

right now, i have to say, i don't know much. i can't explain what i'm going thru emotionally and mentally. ever since yesterdays news, i've been sick. suffering from a cold fever, and ofcourse my heartache, which i've never experienced before. this pain it far too much for me. honestly death does look like a better idea.

i am angry at her, but at the same time i still love her with all my heart. at least one of us are happy, rather her than me, all the better. she deserves it. i hope he keeps her happy, and always love her for who and what she is. i wish her all the happiness in the world. one that i missed out on sharing.

i know two things right now...one, i still love her with all my heart and soul. two, i have to focus on why i am here. if not for me, least i owe to my beloved mother, who is has given up so much for me. and i must go thru with being here no matter how difficult it is. i will prevail in her name, for this is my promise to her.

i pray my sins will reach the end of it's sentencing soon, for every night i pray for my death. but if doesn't come, then i shall live on, for my mothers love, and in god's name.

...too much pain...