boring day...

you know way back during school days, and when it's the first day of school you get all excited and you're all out to go see your friends and get you classroom and you know, the fun...

today was first day of class...and it was BORING!!!!! i mean the lecturer can talk you to sleep....he's going bla bla bla, with such a soothing voice, bastards. i mean the 3D modelling class was no biggie, he was just rambling on and on about the subject, kinda like an introduction then told us to go. but project management was a total bore..he was talking about the scottish parliment project that went wrong, the millineum thingy in london that went wrong, the welsh parliment building...i mean is there anything in the united kingdom that doesn't go wrong! boring

anyways i just got home, got my receipt for my fees paid. the damn ppl lost 12pounds in the transaction, said it was due to the currency exchange rate...what the fuck kinda answer is that! anyways it's only 12pounds...i told them screw it i don't care, just give me a receipt, and walked off. had a tikar chicken sandwich for lunch, was nice, it tasted like tandoori. cool huh...

anyways i hope everything goes better tomorrow, got an early class and goes on all the way till 4. a full day tomorrow, hope they don't kill me with boredom!!!

later.........

morning glory...

i just got up...yawn yawn...

last night was one hell of a mu match, united won 6-2, wow after so long a big scoring squad. but their defense was bad...i really had to say if it wasn't for the offensive moves...united would have let in more goals. but most of all i'm happy to see the old red devils back, the high scoring, striking fear in their apponents...yeah. october, arsenal watch out.

on another sports news, have you guys noticed how much negative press there is about michael schumacher. i mean three races he has not won and people have decided to say he has lost it. todays news barrichello out shined schumacher in shanghai. he won, yeah sure...but if it was barrichello with all those problems he would have parked it. now how many times have we watched michael deliver the goods and rubens (you just feel like telling him to shove it up his ass for just following other cars around the track). i mean michael has single handedly rewriten history, highest points scored all time, highest points scored in a season, most wins in a season, most back to back wins, most poles positions, most fastest laps, most important of all most number of championships...7 times world champion, and i seriously ask is there anybody out there brave enough to put a bet against him next season. i mean 3 races he's been out of focused and they say he's lost it. man it that case what is david coulthard doing, montoya, kimi raikkonen, whats wrong with these guys...they've lost it a long time ago. should they even been in the sport? come press, don't write stupid things, it's called racing, you have your ups and downs...besides i think in monza for michael to come from 17 to second was amazing, and if the team didn't tell him to back off, he would have taken rubens just like that! period... so it's been only one race he has not performed, belgium he was second and did put up a valid fight to kimi. so it's the shanghai gp thats the focus of everyone. i've been a formula 1 fan since i was 5, and i saw michael in his first race in 1991, it was the belgium gp, the toughest track of all and with an under powered sauber, he powered his was to 8 on the grid for qualifying. he had a DNF but he was impresive in the race. and to win his first championship at age 24...amazing, i mean i can clearly say he is the best driver to have ever stepped into the sport since the great aryton senna himself. i mean i really have to bow down to few great names, senna, prost, mansell, rosenberg, stewart, fangio, clark, ascari, hill (graham not damon), villeneuve (gilles not jacque) although jacque in a ferrari has been my dream scene ever. captain bonkers in a scarlet thunder...wai keong will agree with me on this. but one driver i have always had a soft heart for mika hakkinen, a champions champion...but even all these driver, as good as they all are, i mean look at them, they couldn't pull it of long enough like schumacher. to watch him race last season and win it after his mother's death was a sight to be witheld, watching him stand on the podium and tear flowing down his eyes, and looking up to the heavens...even i had a tear jerking in my eye. my mother cried looking at the scene. did i mention everyone in my family is an F1 fan. heaheahe, wondering where i got it from...the answer is blood.

later...

i got my laptop back...and up and running 100%

actually my tittle says it all doesn't it....

oh yeah today wayne rooney is starting for MU...wooo hooo...i'm watching it now and he's already scored 2 goals. damn he is good

oh on another note my classes have been rescheduled. now it's only on thursdays and fridays only...monday till wednesday, i'm free!!!!

anyways i'm too happy my laptop is working i can't write anything else.

later....

i watched a movie today

you know how the screens are huge only in a few cinema's and some a very small back home. here the screens are huge and it's 4pound 30pence for students. i watched the terminal, i am a fan of tom hanks so i'll say, hey go watch it. good movie.

i changed my phone today from t-mobile to vodafone, i'll give you guys the number later. oh yeah and i bought myself a new vallet, leather one...looks awesome. i went jalan jalan today, and then went grocery shopping came to about 16pounds and i found some really nice black chocolates for shuba. btw i think i'm spending a lot here. next month onwards budgeting. tomorrow will be my first class. oh yeah and one more thing my laptop can detect the network now but can't surf the net, the wirefall got problem now. tomorrow i'm just going to call compaq here and make sure they fix it...sickening man!!!

i still have a list of things to do, i'm getting to them one by one...other than that today the whole day i was occupied so my mind didn't wander anywhere, stayed on the road for once. and i can safely say i'm not to shabby today.

oh tomorrow i'm gonna try cook some pasta, see how it goes down. i'll let you know, if it's good. and if i don't write anything, understand la, my adventures in the kitchen didn't go that well. hehehehehae. hey ricardo tell me how'd it go.

later...

gladiators...

i just watched gladiator, and i have to say that movie never really had that big of an affect on me. i mean i'm a movie buff, and the same as all movie buff's the reason why we are so intense with our movies, is because we feel, every dialoge said every scene, every sequence has or will have some connection toward us, we connect and conflict upon those movies. but when i can say epic movies always make impacts on movie buffs. especially dialoges. one line that has always stuck in my mind is from the movie the patriot, at the beginning of the movie mel gibson says...

"i've always feared that my sins will return to haunt me"

but today watching gladiator one line just connected with me and the movie made an impact on me, 4 years after its release...

"what we do in life, echos for eternity"

okay there is so much of things running in my mind right now, it's bursting into so many directions, it's running wild with so many emotions and so many issues, i just don't know how to pen it all down.

i'll just say one thing, are we gladiators in life?

ferrari's ace

in 1999 when the malaysian gp was introduced it was a ferrari that won it, eddie irvine in the driver seat, than in 2000 when indianapolis was introduced, it was a ferrari of schumacher again. then this year in bahrain, schumacher's ferrari..today in shanghai, guess who won it, ferrari but this time it rubhino turn. every new track the ferrari's just ace it, cool.... this gp was schumacher worst ever finish since in 4 years. he had a horrible practice session on friday, software malfunction on the car, qualifying on saturday was even worst, a spin on turn one itself. then today, he had a spin, lost of traction control, a tyre failure, a bump with klien, and the worst ever finish, 12th. but he still holds the record for a non mechanical failure since the 2000 german gp and he holds the fastest lap record in shanghai. well next race in suzuka, it's schumacher country, and we'll see how the german ace breaks his run of bad luck since hungary. he hasn't won the last 3 races but has been the fastest man on track. amazing, simply amazing.

well enough about F1...the group of guys have decided to keep me as a housemate in this house for good. they gave me a set of house rules. i have my own study table and my own cupboard. i even have my own cabinet in the kitchen to keep my personal food stuff, things i don't want to share with them. other than that everything else is shared, 40pounds per person for groceries and house stuff, like washing detergenes and bla bla bla...i have to learn to cook soon. oh well i bought some stuff today, red beans, tuna, mayo, some cookies and some soft drinks. tomorrow i have no classes, but i have to go to uni and check on my financial status, see whether the uni has recieved my fees. my parent have wired the money. thanks guys.

and hey ric, how did it go down under? hey read my blog the past couple of two days, it has been about my princess, i miss her a lot and i want her to know that, i want her to know that i don't hate her or i'm not angry with her also. can you do me a favor and tell her. i don't want to call her, she's told me not too, hey maybe you can just read my blog to her, okay...if you can't i won't mind at all. you've done enough for as it is, and you're still doing. thanks dude. i'll mail you next week and let me know how it all went, okay...

i talked to my mom today. she sounded so happy when i told her i'll call her every sunday. MY CAR IS BACK HOME!!!! my dad said it feels better than new, cool. but on a sad news my brother and my dad are planning to trade it in for another camry. a toyota camry not too bad of a car but it's such an uncle's car....my dad drives one, i'd know. i begged my mom not to let them do it until i come back. i want that car with me. i love that car. i miss that car. there are too many memories in it, so many drives, so many scenes, so many kisses, so many hugs in that car. oh well, life's cruel ironies again.

okay, writers block...later.

Dear Princess,

i know you've told me not to write you, not to call you, not to even sms you. but after speaking to you yesterday online, i really wanted to mail you and tell you this, but i forced myself not to. but i thought, if i had to say it, i might as well write it in here. i know you don't read my blog, it's not like i gave you the website address, and besides i wouldn't. there's too much in here that will bother you and i don't want to put you thru that.

i just want you to know that my heart is filled with you and only you. there isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of you or getting myself emotionally distressed, that you and i, are no more. everyday before classes i have to tell myself that you're gone, close my eyes and try to clear my mind, only then i can concertrate on classes. everything i see, everything i do, everything i hear, everywhere i am, somehow will always remind me of you. i still cry at nights. i do get angry sometimes, because of what you did to me, because of how little faith you had in us. but then i don't know the next minute i won't be angry with you anymore, i'll be praying to the gods up in heaven that they'll always put a smile on your face. i've prayed so that they'll take all my happiness in return for yours...

please don't ever think i don't want to speak to you anymore. if only you knew how much i crave to hear your voice, to sense your presence, to feel your warmth, just to hold you and know that you're there. i'd give up everything i've ever known in this entire world just for that. if only you knew. somehow i always tell myself that you do know. but life isn't all about getting what you want. it's not about eternal happiness for everyone, life wasn't meant to be an easy trail to nirvana. life is all about pain, sufferings, hunger, darkness, fear and trying to hope, holding on to faith and not blaming fate for everything, life is all about trying to overwhelm these with love and just a smile. i've learnt all this in this past 5 months, and thus far i'm sticking to it. life has been good to me. even after losing you, i thought everything had ended. there was no purpose in going on anymore. but somehow some light has pierced thru this hollocust of darkness.

you told me my mom called you, i hope she didn't upset you by crying or anything. she not only misses me but she misses you too. she loved you like a daughter and will always do so. i know she's no where close to how you feel about your mom. but my mom had always looked at you the way she looked at me. i know she loves you the same. i can say this with all my heart. she loves you. and don't worry, i'll tell her to stop calling you.

i want you to know that my prayers will always go out for you, no matter where in the world i am. i hope you do well in your exams, i promise you, you will. i believed in you once, and i haven't stopped till today. i know it's part of letting you go but i just can't do that. i'll always love you and always miss you. love you my princess, till the dawn of time, love you...

drops of jupiter,
Raj

saturday...shanghai GP

back home if it was an asian gp's like japan, bahrain and the malasian gp we had to watch it early in the afternoons, and if it was the american gp's like brazil, canada and indy we had to watch it late at night...so guess what time was the chinese gp qualifying here today...6am

tomorrow the race is at 6am also. it is going to be fun. michael schumacher is in 18th position, thats the first time i've heard of it. he rarely makes mistakes but everyone does, sometime. i think he is under great deal of pressure. from the press asking him stupid questions like why is he wearing red during races...stupid chinese press, its not because of the ang pau color la...it's the scarlet color of the tiffosi...the prancing horse. and then he had a software problem in the car on friday, then he was harrased by the camera man all the way back to his pit...and then now this, poor guy. some say he has lost concerntration since he has already been crowned the undisputed 7 time world champion. some say, he's thinking of retirement but he had this to say to that

"One day, someone will come along and beat me consistently and when I find someone is quicker and I am not competitive, then it will be time for me to think about retirement." pretty cocky, huh? even today after the spin he said he doesn't know what the problem was and if it was his fault, he's be suprised. whoa....

well anyways, enough about F1, i don't know besides that there no other good feeling in me. very heavy hearted today....

singapore blossom

one more thing...

ricardo, i hope you come back from singapore with good news and a happy man...a complete man. i know you're not going down there to win her back, but hey, don't let love slip by the cracks of our fingers...once it's gone, you know how much it hurts...

bye dude...and goodluck

ups and downs...

lets talk about the ups first...

well i went walking around leeds today, was cool, went to buy duvets...the ones at the leeds market did feel nice but they're only 7pounds, the ones at allders were felt damn nice but they're 30pounds...check out the price difference man..the have more at argos, those are 6pounds but i didn't check them out. but i bought one of those throws, you now like a blankie, it's a thick huge one, cost only 5pounds. it is getting colder and colder here as days go by.

i also saw so many cool stuff at the leeds market, you name it they have it, it's like petaling street. and it's quite cheap. they had earings, flowers, pillow, clothes, man they even had those victoria secrets...just hanging on the streets..heheheahe.

i realised i've become less lazier while i'm here. back in malaysia i wouldn't have walked half a kilometre and i would have said, enough. but these days it's bus number 11 everywhere i go. my housemate told me of a chocolate store near leeds plaza, i'll have to check that out, promised shubs i get her some. when i find the shop, the first i do is send chocolates to melacca, okay shubs. don't know whether you read my blog or not. hmmm.....

okay, i went window shopping also la. the leather shop in leeds plaze, is to die for...they have the most cool leather jackets man!!! you know nic cage in face/off wears this leather trench and it gets blown in the wind as he gets out of the car. they had one exactly like that...whoa...i know i would have bought it, but it cost 156pounds!!!

they have all really cool looking womens clothes here, for the mens it's like everything you see back home. but women can go wild here with shopping. and when the season is over they sell it at cheap prices, stock/season clearance...speaking of which, wai keong, you and i should go to this place call t.k. max, it's jackets galore there. i saw one that looked like you leather ones, cool man...and it was only 68pounds. i know if you convert it to ringgit it's may sound expensive but it's still considered cheap and it's worth it.

oh yeah i got my timetable...i'll be having classes only on tuesdays, thurdays and fridays. tuesday and thursday only one class each..but friday is a full day classes till 5pm.. oh and my project supervisor is the same guy who came to pick me up at the airport. cool guy, egyptian dude. my housemates says he gives good marks.

well so much for the ups...now the downs

i saw my princess online. she said hi, and then she said she knows i don't want to speak to her ever again, so take care and bye. if only she knew how much i'm dying to hear her voice. i asked her why is she talking like that...and she said nevermind, then she asked me how i was, and told me that her studies are going quite badly. i hope she does well in her finals, she is a very bright and intelligent woman. i've seen her work and study, she's good at what she does. she's a medical student and her dad was a doctor too. i really wish to see her become one of malaysia's famous surgeons...i really wanted to be there to watch her graduate. well anyways. the ups and downs. if only she knew how the whole time i'm here in uk, but my thoughts and feelings are all with her. always praying for her, and thinking of her. i drive myself into tears every night, i know, i still do end up in tears when i think of her. and i think of her all the time. but there is nothing i can do about the fact that we're no longer together. my hands are tied when all she does is push me away. i didn't push her away, she did me...and i'm helpless in that. all my life i'm a fixer...trying to fix every problem that comes my way. if i can't fix it, i blow it up with tnt. but this time it exploded in my heart...leaving just a trail of crimson pieces of my heart, wherever i go what ever i do. wai keong once told me, that no matter how long from today, no what the fuck it is, everything will somehow be about our......i don't want to mention names, but you know who....our princesses...

i love you princess...now and forever.

later guys...all this emotion has me drained.

hmmmm...

can't seem to pen anything down today....

okay, here's something funny

i'm not a big fan of the toilet seat. (i don't know why i'm even writting about this) well the toilet seat is made out of plastic and it makes me sweat, i had the feeling of sweat when i'm taking a dump. so way back even when i was a kid i never used the toilet seat...it was straight to porcelain throne, and finish my business. (i know you're thinking where is this story leading to?) here is the deal, you know how every toilet has a window, for obvious reasons, and they're always cracked open...well it gets so cold here that the toilet, since it's ceramic...kinda gets as cold as the weather outside, this is because the window is always open. now imagine, going to the toilet, taking off your pants and planting your ass on a cold toilet opening....auch!!!!! damn even the shit doesn't want non of that...it's different once you know about it and you try and sit as slowly as possible, but in cases of emergencies....auch!!!!

the hazards of taking dumps 101...

later...

cool day...

first of all i have to tell of you this...today i saw a hummer GMC...argh argh argh (thats my tim the toolman grunt) V12, 8.0cc twin over head cam, 500bhp, the most powerfull 4wd ever built. wow. it was metallic red and the driver was a black chick. just the sight of this made my day. it had 23inch wheels on...fucking 23inches rims man!!! oh god i am just in love with that car though. today was definetly a day to see cars. after that i went to the uni and the car park infront of my uni had a stretch convension or something i guess...there were so many stretch's there. i saw an X5 stretch, an XC90 stretch, oh and a lamborghini stretch..it was lemon yellow in color. they had a GMC 4wd stretch...wow it was just awesome today. just looking at all those massive cars. i'm out of words to tell how it made me feel just looking at these cars.

well i am a car buff, everyone knows that about me, i go ga-ga over cars. damn now i miss pinky, pinky is my car back home. it's a proton perdana V6, it's smoke silver, it has 17inch momo rims on with falken azenis 45series tyres. thats not all i had one the most hightech alarm sytems. just before i came here i was in a huge accident, i crashed my car into a wall, coming downhill at top speed, the insurance ppl told me it was gonna take 30k to fix it. it was so sad to see my pinky like that (btw my causin came up with the name pinky for it, cause it's a perdana, starts with a P). well my dad and my brother told me before i left that they might sell the car off. thats so sad, i wont get to see her before they sell it. i have to convince them not to. i love that car, i had no complains driving it, it was wonderfull.

anyways i went shopping today. i bought myself a shoe...reebok cost me 25pounds, then bought two winter jackets, which cost me another 50pounds. my winter jacket here is a leather on and it rains a lot here. and my other jacket is like a coat thingy, so even that can't get wet. so i bought two nice ones, both black. way cool...you know i never go shopping without my mom, before i left i went shopping also without her, and today also without her..damn i miss her. but i called her today, she scolded me for not calling her often, she said she is going crazy without me...aiyo mommy i love you and don't worry i'm fine. i'll be back soon. maybe i'll go home during christmas, maybe, if she misses me very much. oh yeah i finally opened my bank accounts. damn so hard to open a bank account!!! well anyways i credited my bank drafts in. so i'm actually all settled in.

tomorrow i'll have to go to the uni and get my laptop. and maybe try opening my other bank account. it's an HSBC, i already have that account back home but still it's hard to get that. damn the banks here. oh well they said the timetables are out for my course, i'll have to go check it out. oh yeah friday they're giving it to us, forgot.

anyways, nothing else to write about....hey ricardo, hows the job hunt coming along, and the car hunt, found a cool waja? hey get one thats either silver or black, okay...you know waja's have that face lift, get that too...and the crom frills...oh yeah, this time take care of your car, please!!! chinese people really don't give two fucks about their cars...generally, there are one or two exceptions to the rule...hehehea

later....

still no place to live

actually i might just stay with these guys here in this house. yesterday two of them suggested to me that maybe i should just stay here, since everything is fine with me, and they seem to have taken a liking towards me. they said why don't i just bunk here till like whenever. they said just get myself a duvet and bingo...the rent for this house is 45opound per month, there's already 5 people here so including me 6, that would make the rent only 75pounds per person per month. thats kinda cheap. besides there's a desk downstairs which they said can be mine, and they said they'll get me one of those temporary cupboards, you know the canvas ones. there you go all i need. even back home i was the kinda guy who slept in the hall, well that was for different reasons, but i don't think it's gonna take a rocket scientist to figure out why. but yeah, i could live like this...

they have their house rules, and they're all set with everything, besides all of them can cook!!! hehehehe... not that i'm gonna take a free ride on them, i'll learn to cook. the other day i did my laundry, and it turned out well. i still have a white shirt that i haven't washed, think i'll send that one to the laundry, i'm not at that level yet. so cooking shouldn't be that hard. maybe i'll ask my mom to send me recepies. but i doubt it'll turn out the way she does them.

classes start only on the 27th, so till then it's gonna be kinda boring staying at home, i did go out window shopping yesterday. that was fun. i might buy myself a jacket, one thats water proof, cause it rains here quite a lot. can't afford to get my leather jacket wet. oh yeah and i probably will buy myself a pair of sport shoes. get myself registered in the uni's gym. i think i might put on weight being here. yesterday i had myself a mexican chicken sandwich, it was not too bad. just that it was served cold. but kinda tasty. oh yeah, yesterday uni was filled with students already. all the first years and the small little cute russian girls (wink wink) there are loads of chick in my campus, considering my campus is the school of technology campus. there are 3 campus in leeds, one is the city campus, the other is the brunswick campus, thats in the city too, then there the becketts park campus, the most beautiful one of them all, it's huge and it's like 200 years old. just looking at it reminds me of 'scent of a woman', the school which chris o'donnell goes to. man it's gorgous. but thats were the arts students, and whatever go there. leeds met has one of the high tech music labs in UK, i didn't know that until yesterday. i saw it and the technician told me. cool huh? and leeds met is in the top 30 for best uni's in UK...even cool huh?

the lecturer's are all very intentive to the malaysian students, i don't know why. you just mention you're from malaysia and they serve you with hands and knees, and they're all so impressed with us, i have no idea why...maybe for the fact last year there were two 1st class malaysian students. i still can't figure it out. but anyways as long as they're serving i'm just gonna make use of that. and they call our industrial diploma, which i did, HND. so all HND students are respected a little cause it's not an easy program compared to the 1st and 2nd year of a degree program. well if only they knew of the factory lifestyle GMI inflicted on me. 8am till 10pm i use to be the damn college doing my final year project. but i was an experience worth while. i mean i'm more practical because of it. i bet most of the students here haven't even seen an EDM machine, or a CMM calibrator. i did enjoy my time programming all the automated machines, CNC, CAD, CAM...i enjoyed it. and they have those modules here, which i am taking. lets see how that goes. although i still have no clue about my final year project here, wonder what that'll be like?

you know i year ago i had no money, no job, no education, no self respect, but i had the love of my life next to me and that made all the difference. today i'm one step away from getting all those things, money, car, job, career gratification, position, you name it all..but i don't have the love of my life to share it with, and that makes all difference once again. lifes cruel irony's.

navein once told me this, that guy up there(GOD, if didn't know who i was talking about), he know when to give, where to give, how to give, which one to give and what to give...we just sit and wonder why he's doing it. fact is, thats the only reason to life, trying to figure out why...the rest just seem to build around you. i'm not saying don't move your ass and everything will come to you. but he has a way of making all things work. he's like the goverment office, he works slow but he gets things done at the end of the day or should i say life.

"use the force" in my case G-force, heahaehaehea....

later....

Man U 2-1 Liverpool

well well...finally MU is of to a flying start...

i had an extrodaniary experiance today. i watched the entire match in sri lankan people's house. they were nice. i've always heard that they're nasty people, and they hate tamilians, thats not the case here. man i had the strongest whisky at their place. well made the coldness slip away, not to mention it was cold here today.

my laptop will be ready on thursday, then maybe i can skype people, ricardo most of all i guess..

last night my entire dreams were about my princess, i just hated the entire thing, cause it made me sad thinking of all my memories of her...i miss her so damn much, wish there was a way i could tell her how much i loved her. hanuman tore his heart open to show how much love he had for raman and seetha, wish i could do the same... but i'm no hanuman, i'm a mere mortal...someday i guess us mortals will get our chances, pray for us mortals...

later....

it's a sunday....cloudy sunday

okay...it's a sunday here, this is the worst weekend in my entire life, life here is boring!!!! well i guess i haven't really explored the town yet. there is definetly more to this town than boring punjabi people. did i mention this twon is filled with punjabi people, there is a sikh temple around the corner from my house.

i wonder if navein is having the time of his life, hope he is...the dude is in bristol...well it is his 1st week here so i guess he would be excited like i was. to be really honest there is nothing special about this country. the people here are all very nice, the town is very europian (obviously), the kids are the ones you have to stay away from...god their naughty and loud. they'll atack anyone anytime, without warning. it's like suddenly commence bombing...IN COMING..!!! FIRE DOWN BELOW!!!! TAKE COVER!!!!....

did i mention they have all good tv program after 11pm here, sex in the city(uncensored), oh god they have a one program here called cosmetic surgery live...and it is the most disgusting program ever. the actually show you live how plastic surgery is done on people...the end results are not too bad (wink wink) but the surgery is painful.

oh yeah..i took some pictures of leeds town and my uni, maybe i'll post them some time soon. there is this building next to my uni, looks damn cool, but the best view to photograph it is from the mens room in the 1st floor from my uni...heahehea! well there are other parts of town i still haven't explored, then it'll be more pictures and maybe i'll post some of those too.

hey tomorrow there is a big match, the big red showdown, Manchester United vs Liverpool at 8pm local time. there is a pub just around the corner, we're gonna fill it up. next week is gonna be the china gp. wonder how thats gonna turn out. wish i was at home watching F1 with my dad and navein and nirpal, with my mom there making us stuff to eat. there was a time when F1 lost it's appeal to me. and my dad said something to me that i'll never forget. i guess he does care about me in someways. he gave me a hug before i left at the airport, i didn't expect that. but i guess at the end of the day he is my father and i am his son. and there is nothing that can change that. wow, from sports to father/son relationships...phew, how did that happen. i guess i miss my dad, my dad and i were very close when i was young. he'd never go anywhere without me, and we did everything together...until recently, say when i turned 14. we just kinda grew apart. and the only thing we do together anymore was watch F1. sports do bring people together, doesn't it. the olympics should pay me for writting this. ofcourse the whole time i'm writting this in a corner of my head there was the thought why can't sports bring me and my princess together....sigh, somehow everything comes back to her! i miss her so damn much, i still pray for her everyday. hope she's happy wherever she is. she deserves all the happiness in the world.

speaking of the world i have to call my only world now. my mom, i miss that goddess so much too. before i left she had so much grey hair and i told her don't dye her hair till i come back and we'll see if all the turns grey. she should turn 56 this december. i probably want to buy her something very special this year...she's made my life worth every aunce of it, i know i can't repay her with just one gift, but atleast it'll make her happy. and get something for my dad and bro too. okay, i'm missing home already.

well tomorrow is monday, not a big day actually. just have to meet some lab people, it's part of the orientation week. and ofcourse have to keep on searching for new housemates. you know what i miss, listening to all my 70's rock music. and my metallica, nirvana oh and my bon jovi. those were great driving cd's.

anyways enough for today, see if anything interesting happens tomorrow. later....

another boring day...

once again, nothing to write. was suppose to go out but plans got cancelled.

getting very bored here la. lucky next week there is a full week at the uni...

later

nothing much...

nothing happened today...nothing at all....

didn't have to go to the uni today, got up around noon, watched movies, ate snacks and kept telling myself to stop thinking of you know who...been having a lot of dreams about her lately too. arrrgghhh........i'm a sucker for love.

maybe i wanna go out tonight, paint the town red...

later....

decided on my subjects..

today we were given all the options for our subjects, i decided to do 7, 5 mandatory and 2 optional.

1. project management
2. plant management
3. 3d modelling
4. computer aided engineering
5. managing people in technology
6. mechatronics and robotics

and my final year project. still don't know who my supervisor is. but the lecturers all seem to be cool guys. some of them a big time jokers. but their are nice dudes...

later.....

don't feel like writting..

maybe for the next couple of weeks or maybe just days, i won't be writting in my blog. don't feel like writting, but we'll see. classes haven't started, it's still the induction week going on. and my laptop still can't log on to the damn internet. damn...

hey ricardo, you finally got an interview with pwc!!!! thats great man...remember first impressions come only once, so don't go all chinaman on them. impress the boots out of them...remember it's beaaaach not bitch!!!

anyways i have to go see someone now, he's helping me with my laptop...nice guy ajay singh. helping me out a lot. it's against the uni regulations for staff to work on a students equipment but he's doing it anyways. nice of him, appreciate it....

it's getting colder and colder as days go by here....

till later....

even more bad news...

something is wrong with my laptop. can't seem to log on to the network. speak of my string of badluck man. well atleast someone at the uni, one of the lab people have agreed to help me out with this problem....

i don't know what else can go wrong in my life man, everything has so far...but at least i have my head intact in one peace. wai keong once told me, there are two types of people in this world, those who keep talking about all the bad things that has happened to them, and then there's those people you just hate, for talking about all the good things that has heppened in thier life. i guess i know which one i fall in. well atleast all this other shit happening around me is keeping my mind of my princess...

so till something else falls out of place..

p.s. ; it is getting fucking cold here as days go by and it's not even november.

....

so much for that feeling everythings going to be alright from now on............

more bad news

well more bad news, the story of my life. the house that i was suppose to move into, well looks like that went up in smoke. the three other ass wipes who i was suppose to move in with, pulled out. they've found cheaper places and they've decided to tell me TODAY!!!! we're moving in tomorrow and the decide to tell me TODAY. well screw them....

lucky the people i'm bunking with have told me not to jump yet, they're gonna have a talk amongst themselves and then they'll decide what to do. i'm back where i started, this sucks. now i hate this place. my ass luck hasn't change one bit. i'm just on a downstream here

"flowing like mud, where the booz...."

oh well...tomorrows another day, there is more bad things that could happen. lets wait and see if the down hill get more inclined.

later....

sigh...

i don't know whats wrong wih me. when i was in kl, days before i left i really thought when i'm going to be here i was not going to think about her. but all i do these days whenever theres some spare time, up pops her face in my mind. i miss her so much, i really wixh i could speak to her, i miss her voice. i alwasy thoought she had a very gently and beautiful voice. damn i love her so much, but there is nothing i can do about it. i'm helpless here, i badly want to speak to her i want to hear her voice, i badly just want to be with her. but i can't.

i love you princess, wherever you are, however you are. i will always love you.....

life here is slow on the weekends. on a happier note i just saw one of Michael Schumacher's greatest drive of all time. but i'm still in this mood. maybe monday will be different, i will be going to the uni, so i guess my mind will be off her. but i doubt it.

later....

feeling a bit better

just took a shower, it's around 2pm now. i wanted to go out, roam around town...but not really up to it now, my housemates have all gone to york, thats like the next town to leeds. i feel a bit better. after taking my shower, i closed my eyes and kinda tried clearing my thoughts of her...helped a little.

yesterday was a very different night, i did something totally out of the blue. but thats between me, myself and i.

hope later in the evening things get better. oh yeah, here to watch F1, just tune into itv1. heahehahaa...it's live. i watched the italian gp qualifying earlier. rubens barrichello took pole man, beating michael schumacher and juan pablo montoya. we'll see if he reigns supreme tomorrow as well.

talk later...

gloomy saturday

i got up around 10am...and since then i've been gloomy, don't know why, don't know how to say it as well. just do. i read the last letter i wrote to my princess just a few minutes ago. made me realize how much i loved her and how much i still do love her. why is it that i can't be together with her, thats all i ever want. just to be with the woman i love and love her i do, with all my heart and soul. i guess it's just like that huh? why did she give up on me, i wasn't worth it? why did she drop me just like that, thats all i meant to her. what was i to her. just someone who always drove down 100miles to see her and comfort her. was i just someone who gave up the comfort of his own home and to sleep on the floor, even with a broken arm, was that all i was. thats it....i showered her with all the love and honesty and devotion i had, all i was capable, every inch i could squeez out of myself...and that it. i wasn't worth a fight. not even a small fight to keep me. thats it....she murdered my soul and yet i still don't hate her. she killed my insides and yet i still cherish her every second of my life. was i just someone she hung around with, just cause i made her feel good, and i didn't anymore i was indispensable. was that all i was to her. i thought i meant more. cause she meant the world to me, maybe even more, more than i can even describe. why can't she see that i love her so much...why, oh god why?

i miss you, princess..........

day 5

i think i should stop counting my days here, sounds like i can't wait to go back. although i miss everything back home. i like it here. there's a glee about myself today, today was a nice day, went to the banks and met some nice ppl at the uni. one indian lecturer said i looked like a movie star!!! cool huh, i look like a movie star to them (ahem ahem). the chicks on the bus are very sexy, today on the way to the uni i was chatting with one, then on the way home was chatting with another. i love this country, the chicks come and talk to you, not the other way around like back home. oh i must tell you guys this, everyone who knows me, knows i'm a fucking racist. and since there a so few natans here, i love this country. there are a few in my uni la, but not my course. but one more thing la, there are two dumb chinese broads on my course. damn, i spoke like an entire pharagraph to them, the shook their heads and said "ah...err...ahh ahh...". you know whats the worst part, these two dumb broads are my housemates...i know. i'm going "fuck fuck fuck" too.

well anyways, as days go by...that feeling that everything here is gonna be great for now on, is growing on me. there a sense of joy in me, after a long time. there's this feeling i have that everything is gonna fall into perspective views...not now but soon. and i love this feeling, i feel like the old rajes again. like the one who was hated by everyone, not the one everyone symphatized with. nice to hear that isn't it...yeah

"be the man..."

the trouble with love

there's this girl i know, today i talked to her online and she told me her story today about her love life. i feel really sad for her, she's in a love triangle. damn those love triangles. my best friend was in one, i think he's still in one, for most part of the reason i think he'll always be in one. i've seen it's affects on him and can kinda imagine what kind of pain this girl must be harvesting on the inside. as everyone reading my blog by now would know even i'm going thru the pain of love. there's absolutely no aneasthetic for that pain. and it will come to a point where death seems to be a better idea. oh trust me, i've been there far to many times in the last five months. to be honest the idea hasn't left my head yet, it's still stored in one corner. love has that starnge affect on us, when you're in love it's just indescribeable, there's no word to even come close to explain it. it's just a phenomena. it's....oh i can just go on and on.

but be honest, why do we do this to ourselves. why do we fall in love and think it's next to godlyness and then when it's gone, bitch about it, and punish ourselves like it was one big horrible period in our lives. i had burn marks, sorry still have burn marks on my right forearm. everytime i wanted to call her i burnt myself just to divert my attention on the pain. i had stripes on my hand, looked like a damn love sick tiger. but why do we do it? i had and uncle who committed suicide for love. when my mom told me about his life story and how he did what he did, i told my mom he was a coward. today, i stand corrected. he's not a coward, he was just one brave man who didn't want to be healed. we feel pain and death is more tolerable than losing our love ones. is this why we swear it "till death do us part"? the things we learn and the way we grow from and after being in love, does it make us a better person, or does it make us more complicated.....

so, does love suck, or is it still next to godlyness?

this girl i know is giving up the man she loves and the man who loves her, just because she thinks it wont go anywhere. because she thinks it'll only get worst. but what if it doesn't go sour, what if it becomes one of those relationships you only read about in books, the kind you see in movies. what if? isn't love all about hope? hope for a better life, hope for a new beginning, hope for a romantic, passionate, sexual, warmth, birth, life....i can go on and on. it is hope isn't it...like i said before it's devine, heavenly, and beyond this world...

so to answer my question, yes. yes, it is next to godlyness.

"Will you have this woman as your lawful wedded wife, to live together in the estate of matrimony? Will you love her, honor her, comfort her, and keep her in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to her as long as you both shall live? (I will). As my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

think about it...the trouble with love.

i talked to my mom!!!!!

i finally talked to my mom today, she sounded so happy to hear my voice. my dad sounded happy too, well i was happy also that i finally talked to her. damn i didn't tell her i love her. well i'll tell her next time.

tomorrow will be a good day, i'll get to go open my bank accounts. i was thinking i want to open more than one, maybe i'll talk to the course cordinator to give me two letters so that i can open two bank accounts. i really don't know why sometimes they give students a hard time when we want to open a bank account. they say if you opena bank account the banks here give you a free gift, cool huh?

okay, i don't know what else to talk about. i'll just end here by saying "in rome be roman" thats my saying for today...oh yeah, one more thing, ricardo, whats wrong with you man. i read your blog, at 4 am, you writting something like that? whats up dude? you chill okay man....call me over skype and we'll chat.

4th day...at LMU now

this is cool, i finally got a temp password to acces the net from the uni and we can practically do anything with it. kinda cool huh? back home, all lab pc's were not to be used for personal stuff. here it's different. i must say i like it here. i can't wait to move into my own place and get all settled. probably want my brother to send all my personal stuff like photos and stuff, to me. must get some really cool posters up on my walls...can't wait can't wait. i wish i can have my room door back home "fucked man" on it...

the one thing here is that you've got to stop converting everything from pounds to ringgit, if not you won't live life for sure. yesterday on the way back home from the uni, on the bus ride i saw a ferrari crash into a lamp post, auchhhh!!!! but i'm guessing the owner doesn't give a shit since everything here is insured. here you see a lot of ferraris and porsches, i must say i like the vauxhall cars here and the VW's, they've got some very cool looking cars. wish they brought them back to malaysia. damn malaysia and their taxes.

oh yeah, on a scary note..in an hour today during class, i heard four police sirens and right now as i'm typing i just heard one. so a count from 10am to 2.30pm i've heard 5 police cars. and oh yeah there's a small prostitution ring going on near the place i live, it's 10pounds for a screw and you do in the park itself, with chicks aging from 15 to 50 years old, black, white, russians, pakistan..speaking of girls today while i was waiting for the bus, the was this fine looking chick waiting with me, i was in a 5 minutes never neverland just looking at her. after i got on the bus and the bus started to pull away from the bus stop, i looked at her and said i love you (in my mind ofcourse) i god she was fine looking, kylie minogue fine looking, if you know what i mean. but you know the sad part of it all. after admiring the beauty of this dame, on the bus, the whole fucking way, all i could think of was my princess's eyes and how nothing even came close to rival those pearly big browns. at the end i told myself, the reason why those eyes are diamonds to you and the rest are just stones, is simple cause you loved them (and the owner as well). then i told myself, stop all this, in rome be roman...

so far thats the story here. maybe i'll write some more later. and i must not forget, i have to call my mom today. thats a must must...i miss her and her cooking.

cool 3rd day...Leeds is kinda cool

well today i found a place to live the rent is 125pounds per month, include all the bill it'll come up to around 140pounds per month. there's 4 rooms and the one i have my eye on is on the top floor and it's way too cool. when i move in i'll probably take some photos and post it. today i went to the uni, met all the lecturers and then saw all the labs and class rooms, had a talk on safety...the typical stuff you do on your first day. after that went all the way out in town. walked all over leeds town actually we missed the bus stop and decided to walk anyways, we walked all over and asked around, we even went and got bus schedules and maps of leeds town. there are a lot of really old buildings in leeds town and they all look way cool. when i'm not busy maybe i'll go sight seeing and take pictures, we'll see. maybe tomorrow i'll call my mom from a public phone, i'm really starting to miss her. there's void starting to build up in me.

there's a lot of poilitics among the students here, malaysian students that is. but i'm just gonna ignore it all the way not get myself too involved in all this mombo jumbo. maybe i'll focus my extra time in trying to hook myself a nice looking yorkshire chick (wink wink). well i have to say after being in malaysia and now in UK, the chicks here are all stacked. it's hooters everywhere man. those guys who enjoy booby watching should be here. damn i'm an ass man myself. BUT A BIG NO TO ANAL SEX! ricardo if you're reading this you know whom i'm talking about. it was nice talking to ricardo and yuets yesterday, yuets friend was there also, whats her name again, it's at the tip of my tongue but not coming out...

oh yeah, must tell you all this, guys with less potential that me (ahem ahem) were able to secure a first class honors, looking good for me but no promises.

the people who are letting me bunk at their place a very nice people, i'm getting more and more impressed by their generousity toward me. maybe when i leave i'll probably get them a bottle of whisky, since they do drink. but even that we'll see.

tomorrow the uni will give us our enrollment letters, with it i can open a bank account, and with a bank account i can start working but i'm only gonna work probably after the induction programe finishes.

anyways, i really dunno what else to say about today, hmmm...my mind is still blank also and my heart, i guess you guys know who it's filled with. i must say la i think life here is gonna be good, i just have a feeling. someday i wanna find a temple here, maybe go and sit there and do some more soul healing. we'll talk some more maybe tomorrow or later la.

day 2 at leeds

today a bunch of malaysians came into leeds, they appear to be cool characters. i've met one of them in the visa office. now there's a bunch of us without a house to stay all of us just bunking in with these guys. kinda a cool of them to let us bunk here. i'm very grateful. as to how i'm feeling, still dazed. i actually wrote a quite long story yesterday night in my blog but i accidentally close the page. too lazy to type back again. it's all about fear and the why i'm not affraid. the thing is maybe this freeze up in my feelings is a defense mechanism, built in to not let me get affected by lonelyness. i don't know. ofcourse yesterday i wrote a lot about my princess also but lets not get into that. i guess in time i'll just settle in, with myself and the surroundings here. there is one thing i am affraid of though, all the malaysians here speak english, like a bit pasar malam english. i'm just affraid that they'll push me aside because i speak fluent english. they might think i'm showing off but i'm really not. i hope theydon't read my blog. ofcourse it's hard for them to replace my friends back home. damn i miss ricardo. but you know who i miss the most, not my princess (i miss her too). I MISS MY MOM!!!!...wish i can just fly home give her a hug and come back here. i hope she's fine, i hope she doesn't cry too much. i hope my dad and brother don't give her a hard time like they always do. mom if you read this, i want you to know i love you the most in my life, you mean more to me than anyone else could ever be. love you mom...oh by the way it's only 11.30am here.

my first day in Leeds

first of all i have to say, i'm not the least bit worried that i'm so far away from home and i'm not affraid. i don't have the butterfly's anymore. the whole time even when i was in amsterdam. damn this is cool. there's a lot of mixed emotions here, i'm not phased by any of it yet. things here are pretty okay la, i have to say. so many solid chick (hehehe). i'm now bunking in with some malaysian students. damn cool karat kinda guys. very helpful and they're doing everything they can to help me, they cooked lunch for me. damn, they seem nice, but i wont be to quick to judge them yet. oh yeah one more thing yesterday i called my princess before i boarded the flight. at first she didn't pick up, then she did. she said "hello, hey hi" then she hung up and didn't pick up the phone at all. i had to just leave at that. she sounded like she was crying. anyways i hope she's all good. i do miss her and i do love her but i can't do anything about her refusing me like this, m hands are tied. the only thing i can do is hope and pray. pray till the end of time.

but i got to stay focus on why i'm here in the UK. i can't afford any mishaps, anymore speedbreaker. this type-R is all set to fly, take no prisoners...i actually have a lot to say but just can't seem to pen them down. maybe i am a little phased by being in a new place. maybe i'll talk more about everything later or tomorrow. wish me luck.

T - 1 day...!

today is my last day in malaysia..actually tomorrow also la since my flight is only at 12.30 midnight. well i've said all my goodbye's, packed all my stuff, done all my work, bought all the things i need...dunno what else.

i thought of calling my princess but i guess i shouldn't...i don't know la...we'll see.

did my medical today...damn i don't have any terminal diseases. it cost me rm250 at pantai and tawakal. should have just gone to GMC. but nevermind. all's well, end's well...

i still need to call some of my friends to tell them i'm leaving if not they'll be pissed i didn't tell them. i also need to photocopy all my documents for my dad's record. maybe tonight i'll be going to a night market buy some gadgets. the gadgets at the up town night market are cool. even the t-shirts, those cheap ones are pretty cool. i was impressed that they were selling a samurai sword, full length sword, not one of those minitures...way cool.

these days i'm thinking a lot about my princess, i know i really love her and i know i really miss her very much...but everything is out of my hands, there's nothing i can do. sad. it's the ones who are really in love are the one's who always end up like this. those bastards out there who cheat on their women, beat them up, treat them badly are all happy with their girlfriends...so tomorrow was suppose to be the day i was gonna propose to her...argh, this is sad la. why does this have to happen to me. i hate this part of my life.

anyways, i better stay focus on leaving the country...it's hard but i guess this is how it has to go down...damn, nothing comes easy these days do they. i guess i've had a lot of things come easy and some the very very hard way. well whoever said life was gonna be easy. it comes with both yin and yang and not forgetting my good old buddy karma...i guess i'm rambling already. getting that butterfly feeling in my stomach already, guess i am affraid to leave. but nothings stopping me this time. well actually there is one thing, my mom. she is so sad that i'm gonna leave her for a year. i know she gonna miss me a lot, same here. but there's nothing that'll change my love for her. i know every child will say this, but my mom is indeed the world's best mom. she has done so much for me, been there for me when everyone else left. she's been my soulfood for far too long and i know i'll never be able to repair her with anything, even if it takes another seven rebirths. i love her so much and she means so much to me, i guess it is because i love her so much and because of her effects on me, that i love my princess so much. i've always looked at my princess the same way i looked at my mom. i guess they were, are and will be forever the two greatest love of my life. i pray for it in each every one of my souls journey. if i am to be reborn in this world i want my mom and my princess to be with me, in some form or rather. that'll be the greatest gift of god to me. but speaking of which i know i'll never the same person without one more soul, my best friend ricardo. he's a diamond among the rubble, i wish him all the best in life, i wish me and him will always remain like this. if my princess is my heart and my mom is my soul, ricardo is my life line...i'm definetely blessed with the best of both worlds. can't ask for more. AS GOOD AS IT GETS.....

T - 2 days...

i went to the temple early in the morning, got up some 5am and went there. i actually wanted to go to the temple and pray for everything in my life to go smoothly, no more bumps, speedbreakers, no hicups. but when i was there all i prayed for, guess what? i prayed for the happiness of my princess, i prayed that He will give everything she needs and everything she wants in life. i prayed so that she'll do well in her exams, it's her finals end of this year. i even broke a coconut for her as an offering to God. i dunno the whole time i was in the temple all i could think of was her. then i was talking to myself (God actually la) sounded a bit funny but i guess reasonable la. i asked him to give her back to me, "make her happy, make her happy with me," then i told him "i'm not demanding, i'm just pleeding, if it's not possible then i'm not gonna fight your decisions, cause you know best, but please try hard, for me, this once" then came the funniest part, "you've been giving and i've been taking, no complains up till this year, why la you punishing me like this, but nevermind, if i deserve it and if you say so la...but please take everything, i don't want anything, i desire only one, my princess, with all my heart and soul i love her, they say love is devine, pure and beyond this world..they say that about you too..so you're love, now why you wanna go give yourself a bad repo?" (i'm laughing my ass out now, can't believe i was saying all this) "so please help me out a little with my love here a little..." temple is a place i really enjoy going these days, my soul asylum.

after that went to the bank and collected both my bank drafts, then go collect my laptop, buy my digital camera, then finally bought a precious cove for my princess's birthday in nov. thanks ric for helping, i really owe you a lot man...

i'm shitting bricks in my pants man...it's just another two days left....damn tired now, talk some more tomorrow.

T - 3 days...

well well well...

tuesday i went up to penang to see my relatives before i leave to UK and everybody told me the same thing..."DON'T DRIVE THERE!!!". damn i guess everyone knows about my incidents...ahem. then we had reall fun on wednesday, it was a food fest on the way down to KL. penang food, taiping food, ipoh food...i am really gonna miss malaysian food man.

today was hectic as well, went to low yat to buy my laptop, thank god i had ricardo with me...i know nuts about pc's man. shit with all the RAM, USB, DVD, CDR, CDRW...aiyo!!! finally got myself one, compaq, then also a pen drive and a webcam. whew...but sad thing i was gonna buy it with my moms card the guy said cannot, then my brother was there but he brought his old card...expired one. then another card not enough credit. so finally i tol the fellow i pay you deposit tomorrow i'll come collect it. damn embarrassing la...

anyways big thanks to my brother and ricardo for helping me out today. argh..not free some more, i've to get each of them an XDA -II, it's a real cool hp man. oh yeah i'm starting to shit in my pants la. it's finally hit me.

tomorrow i got to go to temple in the morning then, go to the bank and collect my bank draft, then go collect my laptop, then buy a digital camera, then go see doctor, then go curl up and die!!!life sucks...or does it???hmmm..i can't tell anymore already. we'll tlak some more tomorrow.