Dear Princess,

i know you've told me not to write you, not to call you, not to even sms you. but after speaking to you yesterday online, i really wanted to mail you and tell you this, but i forced myself not to. but i thought, if i had to say it, i might as well write it in here. i know you don't read my blog, it's not like i gave you the website address, and besides i wouldn't. there's too much in here that will bother you and i don't want to put you thru that.

i just want you to know that my heart is filled with you and only you. there isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of you or getting myself emotionally distressed, that you and i, are no more. everyday before classes i have to tell myself that you're gone, close my eyes and try to clear my mind, only then i can concertrate on classes. everything i see, everything i do, everything i hear, everywhere i am, somehow will always remind me of you. i still cry at nights. i do get angry sometimes, because of what you did to me, because of how little faith you had in us. but then i don't know the next minute i won't be angry with you anymore, i'll be praying to the gods up in heaven that they'll always put a smile on your face. i've prayed so that they'll take all my happiness in return for yours...

please don't ever think i don't want to speak to you anymore. if only you knew how much i crave to hear your voice, to sense your presence, to feel your warmth, just to hold you and know that you're there. i'd give up everything i've ever known in this entire world just for that. if only you knew. somehow i always tell myself that you do know. but life isn't all about getting what you want. it's not about eternal happiness for everyone, life wasn't meant to be an easy trail to nirvana. life is all about pain, sufferings, hunger, darkness, fear and trying to hope, holding on to faith and not blaming fate for everything, life is all about trying to overwhelm these with love and just a smile. i've learnt all this in this past 5 months, and thus far i'm sticking to it. life has been good to me. even after losing you, i thought everything had ended. there was no purpose in going on anymore. but somehow some light has pierced thru this hollocust of darkness.

you told me my mom called you, i hope she didn't upset you by crying or anything. she not only misses me but she misses you too. she loved you like a daughter and will always do so. i know she's no where close to how you feel about your mom. but my mom had always looked at you the way she looked at me. i know she loves you the same. i can say this with all my heart. she loves you. and don't worry, i'll tell her to stop calling you.

i want you to know that my prayers will always go out for you, no matter where in the world i am. i hope you do well in your exams, i promise you, you will. i believed in you once, and i haven't stopped till today. i know it's part of letting you go but i just can't do that. i'll always love you and always miss you. love you my princess, till the dawn of time, love you...

drops of jupiter,
Raj