gloomy saturday

i got up around 10am...and since then i've been gloomy, don't know why, don't know how to say it as well. just do. i read the last letter i wrote to my princess just a few minutes ago. made me realize how much i loved her and how much i still do love her. why is it that i can't be together with her, thats all i ever want. just to be with the woman i love and love her i do, with all my heart and soul. i guess it's just like that huh? why did she give up on me, i wasn't worth it? why did she drop me just like that, thats all i meant to her. what was i to her. just someone who always drove down 100miles to see her and comfort her. was i just someone who gave up the comfort of his own home and to sleep on the floor, even with a broken arm, was that all i was. thats it....i showered her with all the love and honesty and devotion i had, all i was capable, every inch i could squeez out of myself...and that it. i wasn't worth a fight. not even a small fight to keep me. thats it....she murdered my soul and yet i still don't hate her. she killed my insides and yet i still cherish her every second of my life. was i just someone she hung around with, just cause i made her feel good, and i didn't anymore i was indispensable. was that all i was to her. i thought i meant more. cause she meant the world to me, maybe even more, more than i can even describe. why can't she see that i love her so much...why, oh god why?

i miss you, princess..........