Happy Birthday Dad...

can't imagine, you're actually 58 years young today. no one would believe that. i love you very much and miss you a lot too. i hope you have a wonderful birthday and wish you all the wonders of life, for today, tomorrow and forever...

everybody needs a license to drive, to hunt, to sell, to buy, to even talk and heal. the only one thing people don't need a license is to be a parent. only a handful of them end up with platinums, the rest are mere average achievers. you dad, you've reached the moon and back. a very good friend of mine always remind me of the great things in life i have, he started by saying this;

"when a kid is 6, the kid says his dad is a hero. when the kid turns 16, he says his dad knows nothing. when he turns 26, he says he should have asked his dad before making that decision. when he is 36, he'll ask his dad's opinion on his ideas. and finally when he turn 46, he'll say, i'll ask my father, he'll know what to do"

you've been a very good father, guide, counselor, friend and most of all my best Formula One kaki. happy birthday dad...

show me the money!!!

whats your dream?

to be successful...with money, power, cars, huge vacation cottage on the beach, share markets and all the Armani suits...?

or...

to be simple...enough money, enough power, enough space to live with, just filled with everything you need...?

or...

just to get this god damn life over with and go back to Him...?

hey all of a sudden everybody i know has a blog, nice to read people's blog whom i actually know. hehahea, welcome to the party Anthony, Nirpal. Ric's the veteran, old timer on the website, heaheha...so when's the pre pesta oktober?

later...

you're breaking my balls here

i had a dream this morning. i was sleeping with a baby lying and playing on my chest. kinda nice feeling people get from dreams like that huh...i dunno, but it kinda got ugly after that, i don't wanna get into that stargaze again.

i've actually called and confirmed my flight ticket back home, thats nice too huh? aha...so if you're waiting for me to reveal the date, think again...it's gonna be a suprise.

you know i was thinking, about my decisions a couple of months ago, about not wanting to return. the sparks of that split second decision are still burning in me, but then why am i still going thru with it? i know outcome, well i dunno, i asume i know...sigh forget it...scrap all that.

i promise my mom i'll come home and thats that...end of story.

so what else is going on in my life..hmmm, oh yeah i have 2 more assignments due next week friday, and an exam on thursday. and can't wait for may, friday the 13th, my presentation date. after that i'll have just one date left in mind july 14th, graduation, ofcourse i'll have the date i leave in mind too...but shhh, thats a secret. hehaehae

okay okay...me going back to watch 'south park'. i love eric cartman, he is my hero.

later...

and so the journey continues...

well i finally got myself a job, oh yes! and its actually a pretty good job, all things considered i'll be working for the goverment, Leeds City Council. i had to take a police check, British Crime Buro will be running a background check on me. how interesting...

i watched 'chandramukhi' today, it's a tamil horror movie. well actually it turns out to be some split personality movie. damn just like 'hide and seek'...i wonder who copied whom? heahehae, anyways the actor was Rajnikanth, the tamil superstar, so there was some, how do i put this...err, 'gempak' to the movie. thumbs up for the movie.

and i'm still bored of this country, i still hate the weather and i still think malaysia is better, why i said that, come here and live for a year, you'll know. i wont downsize anything without my very own attachment towards it. so england can go shove itself up....errr?

i was talking to few 'bloggers' and most of them told me that once they realised that a lot of people are reading their blogs, they become conscious of what their writing and who reads it. i ask...whats the whole fucking point? if we're gonna start filtering our thoughts and emotions i think we're living a lie. i know my mom always say, 'if you've got nothing nice to say, shut up' and i totally agree. BUT...if you are out there saying stuff, writing stuff into your blog as a point of opinion, then the people reading it should be open enough to accept it as an opinion. whether it is wrong, right, offensive, political, judgemental...i say to you pls don't give a fuck. pls don't take something thats honest and turn it into another sham of this inperfect superficial world. where everything ISN'T as it seems.

whats so wrong with being honest? i ask again, why do you prefer to hear something thats not genuine? i mean, if you think you can't handle what the person is saying, leave the room, or in this case the website. i know sometimes its a whole lot better to avoid confrontations. but i ask again, wouldn't there be less fury if everything was out on the open? i'm not saying i'm this super honest guy thats never lied and has always expected people to be absolutely honest with me. but i do believe that i have to be brutally honest, with myself, thus i give a mojo, thats honest within the people i bond with.

i have gone back on my standings before...it almost cost me the greatest friendship i've ever known and ever since, i firmly believe;

"the cruelest lies are told in silence..."

so if you think you guys are doing everyone else a favor by being quiet about it or about not being honest about something, think again..cause at the end of the day, a lie, no matter how well disguised, with cherry's and sweet icing, it's still a lie.

Lord Krishna says, 'A lie that saves a life, is not a lie at all...' but he also says, 'such a lie does not exist...'

so people, lie from the bottom of your hearts.

later...

Happy Birthday Nirpal

so the day has come we look at our life's and go...WTF we're 25?!

and yet we still roam like we're 17. heahehae, stay cool buddy. have a great birthday and don't forget be nice. hey dude, wish i was there to show you how it's done at this age but i figure you'll manage.

have a wonderful birthday...

The Black Album in My Life

later.....

El fuera necesario te queda Tequila

well well well...

the scarlet baron is back. monstering his car from 13 place to 2nd and all you out there who watched it today, know, you know this is just the start of it all. i'm not gonna talk about it much, cause i know there's more to come from that great man.

all i wanna say is that Imola, the San Marino GP has always been special in my house, in my heart. in 1994 i cried when i saw the greatest driver of all time Senna lost his life at this exact track. then in 2003, i saw the most dramatic, emotional, astonishing race i've ever watched. i saw tears in everyones eyes. my mother wept at the sight of Michael Schumacher standing on the podium with tears in his eye. and when he recieved his trophy, he looked up to the heavens and probably said, "this is for you, mom".



the man who came back to race and win just a day after his mothers funeral. he told the press this is what my mother would have wanted me to do, amazing....and do it in style and in a class of his own, did he do it.

damn, and today, breath taking drive from the German ace. i missed home, watching it with my friends and family, and how my entire house would have errupted at the sight of Schumacher going pass. i can only imagine how my house would have been today, sigh...

i need a drink, later.

my yellow polka dotted tie

i realised i'm a frequent blogger anymore, the way like i used to be. and i know it's cause i'm bored and lazy. i looked back my early posts, wow! up to 5 posts in a day. well anyways, least i do blog. does it really matter what i write in here, do people really care to read about someone's life. i understand when friends and family read it, cause there's a genuine concern but strangers? well even then, even friends, how many of them really do give a shit?

yesterday i went for a job interview and they want me to come back again today. i think thats always a good sign. hope i get a good job for the next coupe of months, before a bid this country my final farewell.

'fare thee well....'

i spoke to my dad yesterday, after the funeral this was the first time i spoke to him. i dunno what is it exactly, but my heart pounds for him heavier. the fact that he didn't get to say goodbye to his mother, the fact that both me and my brother were not tere for him, the fact that he has lost his dear mother? i dunno, but i feel horrible for him. but it was nice to speak to him. my dad and i were close when i was a kid, everywhere he went i was with him. we did a lot of things together, until i became 15 one day, and decided to do a lot of those things myself. i decided to go against a lot of the things he believed in. the only thing that he and i shared in common till today is the fact we are stubborn idiots, and our love for Formula One. even that, i'd say i became a fan of the sport because of his influence.

today i stand corrected, cause i'll be happy if i even become half the man he is.

can't wait to go back and talk to him. i miss our conversations, and ofcourse all the times he has told me what a useless bum i am, heahehae.

later...

p.s. do you think i should wear a tie to the interview today?

Four Seasons of Loneliness

The end of Summer



In the midst of Autumn



The dawn of Winter



The birth of Spring

We're in the finals

yup...we kicked their asses all the way back to newcastle, alright. final score;

Manchaster United 4-1 Newcastle

bring it on arsenal. the gunners are who we face in the finals btw.

yesterday after the match i went off to bed and kinda like just got up earlier. damn i slept for about 14hours, that was nice. heahehae. i'm back, the professional sleeper of all time.

i've got nothing much to do today, just have to go return some library books and then head back home for some more sleep. i'll let you know if anything changes.

later...

the crab that took a crap...

i think i need to go out more, or maybe just go out. i've been sitting my ass at home for about a week now, and that sucks. i'll either go nuts or get really used to this. i sleep only around 11 in the morning and get up around 3 to 5 in the evening.

then i watch a movie that i had downloaded the night before, i know i know. this sucks. hey anyone out there watched 'the merchant of venice', is it any good? what kinda question is that, its an Pacino movie, screw it, i'm downloading it next.

well tomorrow we red devils have big game on our hands, F.A. Cup against newcastle. its a make or break game. chances of us breaking, huge. chances of us hitting back big, huge too. the good old Man Utd unpredictability. i'm a huge fan of them but i'm a bigger fan of the game. so may the best team win, except arsenal (sorry couldn't help myself).

everyone knows and probably still wondering how come this Formula 1 obsessed lunatic still hasn't writen anything about the sport considering its going to be 4 races into the season so far. in time, i have my reasons.

time to go munch on my mutton curry.

later...

the woman that brought us all to manhood

you're 15 and you get up in the mornings, somewhere around 5.15 - 5.30, reach down the comforter, into your pants, just to wiggle a little comfort onto your erected willy, he's gotten all tensed up, cause either A; you need to take a piss, or B; Mrs. Bhavani Raj...

you forget about all that, in a split second, cause you realize you haven't finished you add maths homework. you get all dressed up, eat a crummy breakfast, get on a farking bus and off you go to the devilish hell, known to all boys as 'school' and the first words you would have said was, 'did you watch X-Files last night?' and ofcourse, next you tend to business, 'hey, you finished your add maths?'.

rushing the pen on the paper, fliping your book and the one you're making a xerox off, rushing all those x's, y's, dy's and dx's and all those numbers and decimals, then you have to underline the answer, the date and ofcourse deliberately make a mistake so 'the destroyer' wont sniff out a cheat. you're rushing and you're rushing, all to beat those three damn bells. you'd think we'd have the brains to you know, smuggle the work into other lesson periods, but no! we want to finish all this before the bell, before the show, the show that put the sunrise to shame. every morning, the same show, but we never got tired of that. oh no, not us, we (and our willy's) love that show.

all you gotta do is stand there, and watch her, walk up from behind the crowd and you'd go, 'thank you god, she's wearing that tight brown blouse'. she walks ever closer, and then the main event begins. her walk down the steps. each bounce of her breasts were measured, milimetre by milimetre by our prying eyes. offensive inquisitiveness of ourselves reaping at the two soft fleshy milk-secreting glandular organs on her chest, just inching on her body. every single one of us, wanted a piece of that. there wasn't a head that didn't follow those tits.

you'd think that would be the end of the show, oh no. what comes down must go up. the walk back up the stairs. the shakes of her booty from side to side, grinding her betweens together, she'd squeeze and perk out her tushi as she cat walked back up. and our eyes didn't flinch for a second. our daily dose of Mrs. Bhavani Raj's pleasures. the blisters on my fingers was worth it all, the show never seems to disappoint, every morning. sometimes i wonder if she did all that on purpose, if she wanted us to get all high on her. maybe, just maybe she got the same kicks out us watching her as we did. i'd wonder sometimes how wet she could have been, and man, i won't lie or hold back the fact that i wanted to bath her every inch of her body with my tongue, every fucking day of my school life. being 15, coming into a world where sex just wasn't anymore something you couldn't imagine yourself doing. it was starting to make you realize your deepest fantasies and fetishes.

but then one day she just upped and left, leaving us all with just the memory...darn those fucking good days. everything these days has to have emotions involved in it. life at 15 was mother fucking good, and we tasted it, straight from her tits.

oh don't read this and go, as if you have no idea what i'm talking about. if it wasn't her, there was a Mrs. Bhavani Raj in everybody's eyes, at every school. i guaran'damn'tee it.

the april babies....

i never realized how many people i know celebrate their birthdays in the month of april, up till earlier. already theres like 7 or 8 that has past, and there is still more to come, wow. 20 to 25 years ago, there were alot of horny couples out and busy during the month of april huh (gulp, my brother was born on the 1st of april...mom dad, not you guys too?).

hey realize how the women we grew up drooling about are old now, i just saw a picture of teri hatcher on the net. man, she's a milf. still hot but a milf. for that matter look all the other babes, kim bassinger, michelle pfeiffer, sharon stone. damn we're getting old. but i have to say, julia roberts still dazzles with that smile of hers, what is she 40? man she's still hot. i wonder how people like cindy crawford do it? she should be around 40 too right, damn! she's still one hot babe...

i'm thinking about how famous women age, oh man, thats a new low in my life.

hey not many people came back to me about the 'year in UK', to blog or not to blog question. maybe i'll just start another blog, and leave this one when i get back home. maybe, maybe not...arrgghh, who gives a rats ass anyways.

later...

got to go to the loo...

the future is dark, filled with smoke and guns. all we have is each other. and yet all we destroy is each other. i can't explain why exactly i wrote that, but it just kinda crossed my mind.

today as usual i got up, did nothing, watched the Godfather II, then made some spaghetti for dinner, i tried blending the spaghetti with our local mee goreng. was nice but came out too spicy for my housemates liking. sometimes i feel bad when i cook something thats too spicy for them. i've spoiled my taste buds, hanging out with jerad and saba, then basil's cooking sometimes. but today when i ate my cooking it was spicy but not that spicy, but when my housemates were eating it, pity them, they had their tongues hanging out.

i miss my mom's maggi goreng. it can beat any mamak stall, anytime, just bring it, sigh.

these days i feel lonely, even more lonelier than i've ever been. it's like i've lost touch with everybody i know. i'm lost, depressed and logging for my hugs.

later, gotta go to the loo...

Happy New Year

to all my hindu readers and compatriots, friends and family, i wish you a very happy new year, may the light shine on you this year, bring you joy and smiles. may all thats dark be vanquished...

though i'd be nice to keep some darkness around, you know for shadowing purposes, and besides if you're all bright and no darkness, no fun eh...

happy new year everybody.

confessions of a blogger...

10 months ago i set out to start blogging, reason one being at the state of mind i was, lost, and was on the eves of leaving the country. i knew i was going to be here for at least a year, but whether or not exactly a year i don't really care. i've said, shared, showed, realized a lot of things thru my blog. i've made friends, enemies, fans. i've touched a few people, inspired a few, offended a lot (no intention). but my blogging days are nearing it's end.

yes, dear all bloggers and blog readers, my year in the United Kingdom is nearly coming to its end. i've almost completed my course, with just one exam and presentation to go. my graduation is now moved to July 14th, so...

to blog or not to blog? that is the question...

so far i've talked about this to only one person, and he agreed that i should stop blogging, in respect to my title. what do the rest of you think? should i stop blogging when i achive the one year mark, or when i touch foot back home in malaysia? a show of hands please. hey ricardo, you inspired me to start blogging, your thoughts count the most, what do you think?

later...

the eve of the Hindu New Year.

i'm done for it. i've officially got the flu. darn it...

today i went to pay my house rent, there was a small part of the time when i was walking when i was just walking without knowing the direction. i remember the last time i did something like that. good time, those.

it's suppose to be spring, but it was cold today, the only way i decide if it is cold or not, well if i hae mist coming out of my mouth. the weather man can go shove it up his ass. 4 channels, 4 different weather reports. it'll be nice to be back home, so many channels and don't really matter what the weather man says, cause it's either hot or wet, you won't need a jumper or umbrella or a snow cap.

"all bastards are liars, shakespear wrote poems about that..."

later.

maybe later

remember how i use to not sleep, well now it's how all i do is sleep. i've got nothing to do, and the only thing i can do is sleep.

maybe i seriously need to go all out to find myself a job.

eh, sorry for the very short post, i got nothing to write la, maybe later.

the simple man's truth.

a sense of worth goes a long way for a man. knowing he means something to the people he loves, knowing there is someone who will catch him when he falls. the same thing goes the other way around. the sense for a man to realize how much his family is worth. how much the people in his life is worth to him. to some degree i guess no one can teach you all these things, it's something you grow with, of people with a firm culture and good family values, a good soul, so to speak.

the fact my dad's mom past away early this month made me realize a lot of things. things about me, about my family, my relatives, about my friends. life is really not all about making the best out of it but making the best out of it for the people we love.

say for instance, 10 years down the road i become a millionair, i own the most luxurious of cars and comforts, money, clothes, jewelry. what would all that mean to me, if i didn't have my mom and dad there to share it with. not even share it with, cause i don't fancy all those things, but to buy for. if i had one wish, it would be the chance to make my parents happy, forever. think of all the things our parents gave up for us, think about all the times your parents shed tears for you. in opinion it is our duty as children to keep them happy.

"a rich man once went around the world looking for happiness, he couldn't find it. he sorted the help of religion then, he went around temples to temples, sanctuaries, met a lot sages and spritual guru's. but alas, he had still not found the happiness he was looking for. he then one day met a simple man at the temple, he was all smiles. he came to the temple and he asked priest to say a prayer in his parents name. the rich man overhearing this asked him, why his parents. the simple man replied, to be honest to you, i don't even have to be coming to this temple, when my real temple is back home where i left my parents. the rich man was baffled and he asked the simple again, you mean to tell me your parents are greater than god himself. the simple man answered with such assurance, yes. he then continued to tell the rich man, it was my parents who once upon a time brought me to this temple when i was still a child and introduced me to god, it was parents who sacrificed everything for me and not god, it was my parents who made me the man i am today, i may not be rich but, my parents thought me that rich doesn't mean a man who has a lot, but a man who needs less. to me i have my parents and my family to fulfill my every desire. learning a very good lesson, the rich man went back to his hometown, he went to visit his parents. but only to find out that his dad had past away and his mother was suffering to make end meet. at that point the rich man who had traveled miles to find happiness broke down into tears, he wept his heart and soul out, i was too busy making money half my adulthood, the other half i was too busy looking for happinness, when all the while everything a man needs is within the bonds of maternal and paternal. he wept for not being there for his mother and not being there when his father had past away. but even then he learned another lesson, when his mother told him, it's okay my dear son, i'm very happy to see you. the rich man took his took his mother home and stayed by her sides till her last days, he tried his best to fulfill his duties to her as a son. not only did she die a happy woman but the rich man died a few years later a fulfilled and happy man."

happiness doesn't lie in the beneaths of the sea, or beyond the horizons, it doesn't lie under a penny or crisp dollars, or behind the wheels of a Mercedes Benz S-class. it lies exactly where you last left it, when you stepped out of your house to become a man.

think about it...

the beginning is the end is the beginning...

my housemates are all falling sick, 3 down, 2 to go, oh wait...1 to go. i've just been hit.

'mayday mayday, this is DeadMan, do you copy...i'm hit and i'm going down'

starting to feel feverish and the body aches. this is not good. you know everytime i do fall sick i really hate it. besides the one thing that still hasn't change with me is that i hate taking medications. i know, it's not only a case of severe stubborness but stupidity. thank you for pointing out the obvious.

tomorrow as usual got nothing to do. i have to go pay my house rent though.

later

red devil fury

will somebody please tell me what the hell is wrong with the red devils? what the fuck are they trying to prove. being a fan of football is bloody infuriating, especially if you're a supporter of one of the most successful football clubs in the history of football, you set high standards for them, and when they go down to puny litle clubs like norwich city, fuck this shit.

sigh...

i only slept at 10 this morning but even that was for a few hours. got up around 2pm and cooked some fried chicken for everyone. i'm no anthony bourdain but hey, fried chicken will do. anyways i tonight i'll be hitting the sack early but then again, who knows.

i really wanna just wanna go to bed on my bed (not in my room, i've stopped sleeping in my room) and listen to channel 114, with the aircond direct above me, the porch lights from outside shinning inwards. with my mom playing with my hair, hmmm....

later.

twisters, hurricanes, earthquakes, typhoons and then there was life....

the turmoils of life, where we struggle to compete in or just merely try to survive in, is it all worth the effort? are we in for a kinda of that huge prank the entire nation fell for? the after life, what the fuck it that? you'd think it be the first thing we humans would try to explore, not the space beyond or beneath. is there actually such a thing, or does it just stop there, no rewind, no pause, no slow motion or zoom. relativity? does it really exist? or was good old Albert pulling our legs? some of us have been blown all over the place before we land home, we make a grand entrance or just come crashing in or crawling in on all fours...

joe : "i'd crawl.."
coldfish : "you'd crawl, joe?"
joe : "i'd crawl..i'd crawl till there was nothing there!"

thing is, you can be coldfish, and stand there and ask the question or you can be joe and get ready to crawl. i know what i have to do, i have to crawl...

all that question about life after death brings us back to one HUGE question? does HE exist? i say, yeah he does. i saw him i'm someone, and that someone is my mother. the woman, who gave me life, nurtured me and till now gives me hope for the best in the world. the world may be full of evil and hopeless ends, it may be disappointing and painful, horrible and cruel, dark and cold...but all that is ended in one split second, when your mom takes your hand into hers, and tells you, "it's all okay, i'm here"

you know how in the west they say men have 'separation anxiety' when it comes to their mothers. everyone who says this, are blind, ungrateful assholes. you can never separate a child from the cluthes of his/her mothers love, nor theirs for their moms. it's just not naturally possible. they brought us here, we take them there. there is only one temple, where you can walk into the shrine and touch the goddess, and she touches you back with all her love, the temple of mothers. i know where is my sanctuary, my temple, my womb of rejuvenation. it's where she is, for i am forever in her depths, may it take for the world to crumble, i will always cherish and worship my mother...

love you mom..

'a photgrapher can show a physical image in which time is static, and a mirror can show a physical image in which time is dynamic, but i think what he saw on the mountain was another kind of image altogether which was not physical and did not exist in time at all. it was an image nevertheless and that is why he felt recgnition. it comes to me vividly now because i saw it again last night as the visage of Phaedrus himself'

-Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

on another note, you know it rained here in the morning, then it snowed in the early afternoon and then now there a bright sunshine but yet the temperature is 3degrees but feels like -2degrees. FCUK, you can say that again.

later...

Just Another Day

by Jon Secada

Morning alone
When you come home
I breath a little faster
Every time we're together
It'd never be the same
If you're not here
How can you stay away, away so long.

Why can't we stay together
Give me a reason
Give me a reason.

I, I don't wanna say it
I don't wanna find another way
Make it trough the day without you
I, I can't resist
Trying to find exactly what I miss
It's just another day without you.
It's just another day

Making the time
Find the right lines
What do I have to tell you

I'm just trying to hold on to something
(Trying to hold on to something good)
Give us a chance to make it.

Don't wanna hold on to never
I'm not that strong
I'm not that strong.

I, I don't wanna say it
I don't wanna find another way
Make it trough the day without you
I, I can't resist
Trying to find exactly what I miss
It's just another day without you.

Why can't you stay forever
Just give me a reason
Give me a reason.

I, I don't wanna say it
I don't wanna find another way
Make it trough the day without you
I, I can't resist
Trying to find exactly what I miss
It's just another day without you.
It's just another day

I, I don't wanna say it
I don't wanna find another way
Make it trough the day without you
I, I can't resist
Trying to find exactly what I miss
It's just another day without you.
It's just another day

sadness part 4

had a craving for one of those ramlee burgers. have you ever had one? malaysians know what i'm talking about. you know how the new yorkers brag about their roadstand hotdogs, or how the miamians brag about their chili burritos, and the english with their fish and chips...well we malaysians have this ramlee burger, and roti john. lets all huddle, say a prayer, then run straight heading for the cliff. cause you know you're going to heaven. the ramlee burger with wings on each shoulder, whispering a tear for you. you a pay a buck 20 and you get to walk straight into heaven, for free. you pay a buck 50 and you get cheese with that. i'm not gonna stop there, you pay 2 bucks 20 and you get cheese and meat dipped in eggs...

in the words of my hero, 'fuck you debbieeeeee'

i just watched 'out of time'. a denzel movie, so do i even have to tell you about how good it was? the actress was eva mendez, remember her? the bombshell from '2 fast 2 furious' and 'hitch'. she played denzels concubine in 'tranning days'. so he nails her twice and gets a fucking oscar. life's just not fair.

i have a new found neverland, someday i'll introduce her to you guys. hey yuets don't spoil it for me and say she's actually a he. i'm gonna call her Nia. you guys just make sure if i start celebrating birthdays for her, call the phsyc ward, i'll voluntarily admit myself.

have you ever wanted to go home so badly that you can smell the flower pots at your front porch or see yourself reaching there, throwing your keys and vallet on the table and just falling on the couch. you know you're already there, if you can imagine it with a smile and not with frowns.

they say sound and smell can trigger memories, can i remember what song was going on that night when i had my crash, when my car went swingin around jalan semantan in one way while my mind went flashing back in the other way. i can and i remember the first thing that crossed my mind, i thanked god my princess wasn't with me, that night...

i need to count my blessings once again, i'm gonna need it, i need to sleep now. count for me will ya.

later...

eat hard

since i started doing my final year project last month, till i finished it last few weeks back, i've been eating like a bloody pig, i think i've gained back all the weight i've lost. the thing is i get hungry and hungry all the time not stop. even after eating. thats not good. i'm gonna go home with a belly in this case.

speaking of which, i really really can't wait to go back home. just gotta count my days, i've got an assignment to hand in on the 6th of may and then one presentation on the 13th. till then i've got nothing to do. tomorow i've gotta go see if i can get myself a job.

later

sadness part 3

once again the boring saint king didn't do anything, so nothing much to tell you.

besides the fact i wanna sit down on the floor with my legs crossed, and get served some really nice banana leaf rice. with payasam, yogurt, bitterguard, cabbage mix....and not forgetting tonnes and tonnes of papadam. and dried red chilli. hands dipped into the soggy rice filled with curry. and ofcourse a tumbler of rassam next to me...

i need to get back home, badly!

later

sadness part 2

nothing much happened today. so got nothing to say or write.

the only thing nice i did was take a long hot shower in the morning. then everything went blend. sent in my final year project, and signed it. thats it, finito.

my life here is sad already.

Happy Birthday Leena...

i wish you have enough smiles to last you a life time. i know things are a little hard but remember, faith of the heart. you stay strong and have a wonderful birthday.

so what are you now, 16,17? heaheahe, have a blast girl.

best birthday wishes.

No Title

everywhere you see, you see death...

a few days ago my dad's mom past away. the day after that my housemates uncle past away, last night Pope John Paul II past away. on a nother note, everyone reading please don't take any offense to this, did anyone realize that the sumatera tsunami hit asia after christmas, then the sumatera earth quake hit after easter. i know, no relevance nor intention...

notice how i waited to post this at the time 01.02am, you might think it's nothing, oh but wait, look at the date..03/04/05, that would make now 0102030405. cool huh? either it is cool or i've REALLY hit the brink of insanity, scratching the surface of PHD, permenant head damage.

anyways me got nothing to say just that, i'm a little worried about a dream i had yesterday afternoon, some say if you dream of something, usually the oposite happens, but some say if you day dream it'll never come true. i don't care what anyone says i'm just gonna pray, just pray...

hey God? i have a question? what inspired you to create doubts?

"remember, when in doubt...fuck"
- Lt.Col. Frank Slade (Alfredo James Pacino, Scent of a Woman)

Creation, Preservation and Destruction is beyond our control

our control is merely an illusion

i don't argue much these days with Him, i don't ask much either but i'd still like to be with Him. ask only what is really worthy, if not better do not ask at all, some say. what do you say? say me...

nirwana does not start when you reach there, it begins right here, get your tickets here first, there is no leap froging here. i think i've checked in, but i tend forget it's a long flight, many passengers and too many delays, just too many fucking delays. we cant catch the fucking concorde anymore either! thats fucked up. but we can always buy a personal jet, when time comes, when time comes, He Himself will beam us up, startrek style.

'1 to beam, Scotie'

our focus should not be our destination but our path, make your path your destination, and your destination will come with ease. Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

'like the river flows, surely to the sea, something a meant to be' -Elvis Presley

i have ric...my confidant, navein...my spiritual guide, wai keong...the evil in me, nirpal the arrogance in me, jaya my stupidity...my parents the love in me.....and my brother, the fear and respect in me. then i have my princess, my karma, my joy, my light and tears in me. i fear nothing of this world, i fear nothing beyond this world either. i fear myself...i fear i have become Him, i'm the destruction in me. time to wash the sins, time to bow to Him, go around Him 9 times, and not look back...it's a saturday after all, what else have we got to do, besides F1.

lets make some noise, cause the bus is coming home. no one knows why we need the things we need in life, no one knows, why we do the things we do in life, no one knows why. i know about my choice, the path, the right path i choose, and i wanna live with this path for life. no turning back. thats a choice too. lets make myself smile for the time being, eh...

lose your control.

april fool's day

i collected my thesis today, yaaaahhooooooo...the feeling of being so happy, so complete. eeeaaa, wrong!!! if you thought thats how i feel. the feeling of being so empty. have you reached somewhere where it was suppose to be something so huge and great, a sense of wonderful achievement, but when you are there, pppprrrrrhhhhhttt... the feeling of a balloon let loose. sucks! i want my mommy, and more..

anyways,

i need to find a job too, getting broke, but it just seems to be like this, no job, and every job i find. guess what its Mrs. Mop, Mr. Toilet and Sir Hoover 1500 who make a special appeearance. FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

lets hope for the best, can't wait to graduate and go back home.

later...

Happy Birthday Thanes...

hey brother,

wish all the best on this wonderful day. the feeling of getting old, does it have an affect on you? i hope not. forever young eh.

cheers bro, have a great brithday and alway smile, at least try.

I Would Walk 500 Miles

by the Proclaimers

When I wake up, yeah I know Im gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know Im gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
And If I get drunk, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver whatever that means
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
To be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door

When I'm working yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money, comes in for the work I do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
To be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door

Surrender
Surrender

When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you
When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream
I gonna Dream about the time when I'm with you
And if I get drunk, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man that gets drunk next to you
And if I haver, whatever the fuck that means
I'm gonna be the man who havers next you

And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
To be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door

Surrender
Surrender

When I'm lonely, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whos lonely without you
I'm gonna be the man whos coming home

Cuz I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
To be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door

Surrender
Surrender
Surrender

p.s. i would have to walk 13,000 plus miles but i'd still walk