~The End~

to the Elysian Fields and back...

after 467posts, more than 50,000 words writen, tears shed, laughter spilled, enemies made, friends grown, truth recognized, lies lived and all that done with just one motive in mind; to live on, A Year In The United Kingdom comes to an end.

i don't know how much i have grown or learnt or changed in this one year, we'll soon to find that out. i don't know if the year away was much needed or was beneficial to both of us. i don't know anything at all. but perhaps someday, in the distant future, i'll look back and say; 'hey...' and shrug my shoulders.

i drafted my last post almost a month back, but i'm scrapping that one and just go with what comes to mind now, which to my suprise, nothing. so i'll just end this 'one year project' if i must call it with something i once heard in the movies. yeah i know its not originally mine, but if i ever have to say a prayer out loud i think this should be it;

"Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well. For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness"

God bless those who were with me in this journey and those who remain in my thoughts forever...

so i couldn't do it...

since this here blog dies tomorrow, i thought what the hell just keep on blogging. not like i have a lot to look forward to in my life now anyways.

My Internal Combustion Vodoun

i'll miss this one though. the grass is always greener on the other side.

HHHHHHhhhhhh

so i finally got my ass up and went out to meet up with Eleanor, Ashlin and Jason. Ashlin didn't seem to bite my head off and Jason was errr, what can i say, cool. maybe sometime we'll meet up and play PS2 unless you guys ban me from the games too. you know what, Eleanor, next time we meet up, i should ask you to get me some more of that cake i had for my birthday, the one with the toffee cream.

so besides that, i slept the whole day, and i'll give you 3 guesses what i'll be doing next, if you don't get it right, you're a real dumbass. wait something is wrong with my laptop, my letter 'H' doesn't seem to be working right. oh god i hate it when things go wrong like this?!

nothing...

yes that seems to be the theme i live by now. lets see now, saturday the whole day i did nothing, then today all i did was sleep. my only excitement came while watching the FIM, no suprise who won, Rossi and poor Gebernau ran out of fuel at the last lap.

then i forced myself to stay awake and watch Man Utd kick Newcastle's ass. then i'm back to basking in the glory of my comforter. yeah and the tv is on with the Crodile Hunter going on. why can't somebody call me up and say those magic two words; 'M Satu'.

or call me and say 'i missed you...'

i ask a lot, later.

p.s. in two days time i kill you bloggie...

Premilla

family is always good, no doubt having some family always kinda resumes your life to somewhat normal when you are so far away from home. it was nice to meet up with Prem when she came down. that dungu waited only till my graduation to show up when i've been inviting her to come up to Leeds since Christmas last year. then she had the cheek to tell me, 'so fast you're going back, we only just cought up with each other....'


all things said and done, it was great to have you with us in Leeds. i'll thank you again for coming to my graduation but i'll still scold you for wasting your money on buying me flowers! here she is trying to figure out the instruction on how to mess up my hair, together with her accomplice Subha, they did.

before i left she, at the airport she gave me a card. again a waste to money but i read on the flight and i was completely blown away, firstly at how much she managed to write and secondly how much of an opinion she had on me. it all appreciated Prem. thanks, once again.

p.s. i enjoyed sleeping while you played with my hair =P

DeadMan's Elapsing Whistle...

being at home, definetely a much more calmer place than the ones i'm used to it not really sitting well with me. maybe from being the out-going, trouble seeking person i was about 2 to 3 years ago, then becoming a pussy at the turn of the moonlight had something to do with it i have no idea but indeed it is NOT my cup of tea.

i still drive like a pussy and am still awaiting my first road-rage to happen, which somehow, a voice in me says will never happen. malaysian drivers do drive like idiots, don't we?

so, all i have been doing sitting at home is sending out resumes and applying jobs online. last night i talked to my mom's boss, he has a proposition for me, though the money sounds alluring enough but the job kind sounds a little out of my league. no doubt i can pull it off, the question will be for how long. he wants me to come in this wednesday, see how things goes. hey, you never know i might enjoy doing this (pls pls pls....somebody say i will), right?

remember how when i came home and the first few days i slept like a baby at nights, somehow..somehow i have that feeling again that its not gonna be like that very soon. just a feeling.

and you know what, i'm alone again...

Raj

this is definetely the hardest post i've had to post up. took me almost 45 minutes to put up the sequence, then another 20minutes to arrange it. then i went mind dead, so much things were running thru my mind, i wanted to say that and this about him. i wanted to put in the cream and cake theory. i even wanted to quote the Mahabaratham, a song of Ilayaraaja's. so many things came across my mind but at the end i couldn't pen anything down. so i'll just say one thing about Raj; 'M Satu'

p.s. hope the tattoo is coming along fine dude...

Mohan

the poser, the guitarist, the model, the mat jiwang, the lover boy, the joker, the clown, the movie buff and ofcourse...the friend.


he is such a poser, loves to have his picture taken. he is under the impression that he is the cutest guy in town. you know the best part is that he'll hand me the camera and tell me to take his picture. oh god, you just wanna smack his smile off his face right. he was the guy who went everyday to the damn uni, i have no idea what he did there until one day i cought him. the dude was watching a Metallica video clip in the library.


i met him and the first thing i saw him do was eat. the rest went to take a shower but him, had to fill his stoamch. ever since then until today, the last thing i saw him do was also eat at Burger King's. he came out as this useless clown, probably some wanna be macho kampung dude. then one day he started talking about movies, and there you go, he was into movies like i was in Formula One. ofcourse the sting was not to come yet. he then one day picked up a guitar made my jaw drop a foot down. the dude is one fucking good guitarist. most people would only dream to end up as good as he is (if he is reading this i know he's got this smurk thats a mile long). i'm serious, when it comes to music i have not met anyone as talented and gifted as this guy is. he can play the drums, the keyboard and God knows what else.


he is also a pretty good cook too, his chicken curry is damn tasty. and his favorite is sambar, dhal with all the vegetarian food, with the papadam, he can go 3 rounds tops. i should take him to Nirwana when he comes down.

he recently has discovered a side of him he probably had in him all along but just never showed. the dude has found love, and he has seriously changed. from a guy who used to strum to some heavy metal rift is now, get this, sitting around trying to find the chords to some cheasy love song. as cheasy as it it, it happens to the best of us.


without a shadow of a doubt, i'll say this; the woman who gets to have Mohan as companion, is a very lucky woman. this dude is so centered, he has got such an enormous weight of family values burried deep in him. which makes such a wonderful person to be around with, he has this aura about him, that everything is happy and peaceful. he actually gets upset when he watches the news. speaking of TV, never give him the remote, he'll kill you with the programs he watches.

did i mention this guy can dance, very well. boggie away my friend. though i'm a real mean mother fucker, don't forget me...

Subha and Sachi

the couple of the year award could go to them, depending on just one thing. well thats ofcourse if Sachi by suprise one day decides to snog Subha in public, heahheahe, kidding again guys...

this was the last picture i took when i was in Leeds, thats when they all decided to take me out for a movie and dancing. i think we watched 'Dark Waters' and we went to Baja. the place kinda sucked though and ofcourse gave Subha a culture shock. she wasn't up to becoming the Holabeck girl


you know i first met Sachi and Subha when they were staying in Mohan's house, they stayed there until they found our hang out spot Holbeck. ever since the first day i met Sachi i knew this was one lepak karat macha, and turns out he was, it was so nice to just chill with him. ofcourse he needs his daily, ermmm sorry hourly dose of his medication, yes the man is very seriously ill, with something called 'chill-out'gitis', so daily we had a bottle of his medication in house, sometimes it was Teachers, other times it was Royal Game. then once in awhile there was Uncle Jack in the house. plus after all we always came down with the same illness, weird how that happened. oh this picture says it all about Subha and what she loves to do with our hair.


speaking of Subha, the first time i met her, she came out as the shy type. i had no idea she was such a friendly and bubbly character, ofcourse there is that mean temper of hers, which i'll avoid at all cost. i learnt a long time ago never argue with women, they'll always win, cause most of the the times they're right anyways. Subha can really make Milo like the way my mom makes it, damn i wish she'd come to the UK earlier, or atleast i should have hanged out with them more. yummy Milo...*slurp


hours before i left, we were all chilling out at my place then we sent Sachi and Subha back, and boy was i in for a suprise, Subha cried her eyes out when i approached to say goodbye. i was so shocked to really find out that she really cared for me. i mean yeah we all cared for each other, but when she cried so badly, i had realized i had actually touched someone in ways i didn't know was possible. i've always been a loud mouth, filled with vulgarity. guys can chill with it, but when a girls learnt to see me despite all the things i say, was certainly something beautiful. i'll never forget the way she cried. at one point, i almost broke into tears but ofcourse i've managed to master the art of keeping my tears contained. Sachi will always be an elder brother than will always wink at me, to signal the 'tick tock' has arrived, and Subha will always be my cute little sister whom i'll get to tease and play around with, oh not to mention she'll fix my hair for me and make me a cup of really sweet Milo.

this here is Conan the Librarian. oh man, Sachi is hilarious, you should hear him do his voices and his jokes are really funny, especially when he talks about his 'Blues Town' Ipoh, and the man loves Samurai Jack, how can i complain. we watched Transfomers together. i can't for these two to come down back to Malaysia. Sachi owes me a trip to Cameron Highlands and Subha, of what the hell it'll be great just to see her again. miss you guys, a lot...

Mahesh

the bad boy of Leeds, Hellboy of real life, the Real McCoy of running with the wolves. actually Mahesh was the first among all of them that i met. i met him at the visa office in KL. back then when i went to collect the damn visa, they stuck almost 50 of us into an office space of 20 by 20 feet, to top it all of then went and closed the doors and switched off the office. i was back there bitching and cursing out, when he turned around and agreed with me. oh an by the way, the bottle next to him is not oil, its beer, thats how he drinks it...hehahehae, kidding guys, its oil, i swear.


thats his dad, notice how neat and tidy Mahesh looks next to his dad. oh i gotta tell this story, see when his dad was in town he couldnt smoke so every now and then he'd go to the shop to buy apple juice. then one day we left in the car and we hadn't gone far, just around the block. so Mahesh being the big taiko he is lite his cigi up and was like, 'i can't take it anymore..!'. just then his dad crosses the road going for a walk in the park. hehahehahe, should have seen all of them run for cover. Raj was the only sane one not to smoke until they'd cleared Holbeck.


this is after he had straigthened his hair, ofcourse by our in-house saloon artist Subha. he dreaded the day he met me and ofcourse the day i took my camera out of its covers. he named me paparazzi.

all things said and done, he is only 21 years old, wait is that right? anyways that makes him the youngest among all of us and yet, he shows signs of maturity way past his age and he can obviously hold his liquor in more than any of us. come October, he said he'll be down, we've gotta meet up.

Logesh

this dude is hilarious, i tell you he can crack a joke that makes you laugh until you become paralyzed or get a stroke. he is just so naturally funny, if he really wanted to he could do stand up comedy. oh thats him infront of his Nissan Primera, really nice car.


you know i met him and another bunch of the guys, Siva, Srikanth and Raju, all these dudes work with Raj and Mohan at KFC. wierd how i'm like apart of their KFC staff when i go down there. really nice guys though i only got to really know one of them quite well. these guys are all really smart fellows, no suprise their all probably doing their second masters by now.

i just had to post this pic up la, come on. he is standing next to the Great Eric Cantona la...

Alvin

another crazy mother fucker, this one from Sabah pulak. he got whacked from me by a slipper for saying bad things about Michael Schumacher, but we were all pissed and stoned, but we had the best times, only Mr. Berg was there

hey Alvin you owe me a nice trip in Sabah, so when you get back pls call me, alright, peace out dude...

Kelvin

crazy mother fucker, i think i said everything i need to say about him in those 3 words or did i?

hope his new found love life works out, should see him blush when we teased him. see you soon, you wacko.

Jane and Sara

i met Jane and Sara during Deepavali at Mohans place and the rest as they say is, history


we hanged out a lot, we went to Liverpool together. the lot of us. i think the most time we spent was in Spinx, this Egyptians restaurant, the latte was to die for.

Jane's fried mee hoon was pretty nice, she made for my BBQ party and Sara...ermm, dey you never cook for me before, though he loved my cooking. i remember how i used to physc Jane when we played pool, best part i'd alway get the better of her. all things said and done, regrets and remorse aside, it was great meeting these two love birds, hope to see them again...

Jerad

sad how this is the only photo of him alone i have. should have taken more pictures with him. Jerad thought me a lot of things about cooking, like how not put certains things together with certains spices and all, you know the cooking secrets. oh yeah and this guy made me walking around Leeds for almost a week thinking about his coffee. i don't drink coffee but exception to his, magnificent is the word.

Jerad, was the first guy in the UK to really touch me (don't get any funny ideas). see i don't by my hand and i dunno how to anyways. so all the time my mom would feed me or i'd just have a go at everything with a fork. Jerad cooked crab for me one day and he started breaking the crabs for me knowing i don't use my hand, that was like the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.

he had eye op back in Feb, hope he is okay now. i didn't get a chance to see him before i leave, he is the only one i didn't tell. should call him one of these days.

Saba

a man who knows how to party, age is just a number to this man. do you believe it he is already 37. left his country at a very tender age in seek of piece and another life. the man who really thought me how to open up and make friends. oh course kinda thought me a few boggie steps too.


not only is he one of the best cooks i've met (you see know why i learnt cooking so fast, mixing around with this guy) but he is one of the best errm, how do i put this, well i let the picture speak for itself.


my Man Utd fanclub base. he was also a true sports fan, practically watches all kinds of sports like me. everytime i go over to his house for football or something we end up watching sports till late hours and i'd miss class the next day, heahehaehe. ofcourse watching sports wasn't all we did, smoke it up boy...

he is now in france and a father to be, so congratulation to him and his wife, i hope someday i'll get the chance to meet him up again, and we can party like we were Leeds United.

D.J.

our very own in house clown, man this guy is funny and can crack even Hitler up with his antics. oh yeah and he is suppose to be a Vijaykanth fan, an Indian actor who can literally make me puke


he was also our in house informer cum Superman. to be honest, he was kinda private wished i had gotten to know him better but circumstances had it otherwise.

this guy was vegetarian on fridays, so on fridays though it was his turn of cooking i'd still dread the day, heahaheahe..

without me i break...

i got up today with a really bad realization, one that i have dreaded all these days, all the while being a hermit for such a long time, i got up to the same realization i had about a year and half ago, i want her back, i still love her so damn bloody much, as fucked up as it sounds and as painful as each day living in memory is, i got up at 6 with the picture of just wanting her back, no matter the cost.

"oh God, i still love her, help me you cynical bastard, you sadistic obsessed mother fucker, you do something, help me, make me stop leving her, or help me have back the one i love so much. don't you dare smurk or i'll bitch slap you straight back to pillars of heaven...!"

sigh...what do i do. i need to get my life straightened out, i need to organize, devide and conquer. get a job and a hair cut, cut down on the swearing, wear pants for a change and maybe, just maybe, someday learn to be quiet.

Ric just called me out for dinner, you know sometime i wanna strangle the guy, asking me to drive all the way to 1U, its so fucking far away though ii can get there in like 15minutes thru the MRR2, but its still so fucking far away. hey chinese next time you drive nearer please, or change your snooker practive venue. the last time i was there in 1U i went window shopping, or should i say, speed walking with Shenn and Eleanor. oh yeah and i found a place in 1U that discriminates women who are little bigger than others. how dare they actually seperate they clothing lines from the others, they actually had seperate section called 'Women+'. those idiot have no respect for women and the way they feel don't they. i know some women are comfortable with the way they are, but that doesn't mean its right to go and label them. Women, thin, tall, short, plump, green, blue or whatever feature they come in are the goddesses of this earth, no one has the right to judge them. i sound like a over weight women myself, but i watched an episode of Oprah once, that changed the way i looked at women forever. do you know that almost 80% of women who are over weight are usually abuse victims or some sort of tragic childhood, and half of that is cause by MEN. and we men can never understand the things women have to go thru in their childhood or even as adults, the abuse and discriminations they have to face day in day out. the eyes of men who strip them naked every hour of their life's. and what do they get in return, a section for them labelled 'Women+'. okay i need to calm down now...

i think the Celcom people pissed me off first today, asking my dad to call in instead just to change the package. i know all the details that they need and besides i am his son, what the fuck, have i lost even the right to my fathers accounts. i know they have procedures, but WTF does it serve if its just for security purposes and i can by pass it just by pretending to be my dad, since i have all the details. real major dumb fucks, i kept telling the customer care guy to transfer me to his supervisor, or somebody who can make a decision and he kept telling me 'its procedure', real stupid SOB, really pissed me off only. you know Malaysia i came home telling myself home is always better, pls for fuck sakes don't make me regret my decision, so far if it wasn't for the fact i get to see my parents at the end of the day, i've already started to regret coming home, majorly.

this really turning into a fucked up day, all by just sitting at home, i think i might just cancel on Ricardo, considering how probably just might jump at everybody for nothing. even worst, the guys who i helped to move into my space in UK wanna desperately meet up, i have no idea WHAT THE FUCK FOR?! then again i can understand their anxiety leaving to a foreign country depending on nothing but my word. just think of it this way guys, if a spoilt, good for nothing, never lifted a finger for anything, dumb fuck, totally dependable but ingrate like myself went there and didn't disintegrate, you guys are gonna do well there, even be better off without my advice.

so with or without me, i'm just on a destructive path, AGAIN...

"oh God, i call on you today, again. help me contain myself. for fuck sakes help yourself and shut me up, do the world a favor and just wipe me off a clean memory, flatlining me was never your forte, you sucked at it. so you just decided to drain me of yourself. oh no, i refuse to let you go either. if i am going down (or up), you're coming with me. if i burn, i'm gonna make sure its over your ashes first. if i'm destined to fly without wings, i'm gonna make sure i get a lift by stepping on your shoulder. so both ways, it'll be you first then me. you're stuck with me, like it or not..."

Basil

the man from the land where the water is sweet, Thirichi. oh he was just a very good friend. a man who speaks his mind and kinda getss on everybody's nerves, just like me.


oh did i mention he was our in house romeo, aren't you Mr. Manmathan.

he was also my cooking guru there, we had BSc (Basil School of Cooking) every sundays, i'll miss his briyani.