saturday....pool table no.4
after watching an amazing contender episode last night, i think i slept around 3 in the morning. btw contender is this reality boxing show. i don't really like reality shows, cause it reflects on how low people can go for money, it shows a dark side that exist in all of us, something i just don't wanna acknowledge. but i think because boaing was involved in this one, i like it and the fact Sly Stallone and boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard are the host of the show. i have my favorate contender, Alfonso Gomes. i hope he wins, he put an amazing fight last night.
anyways,
today i got up in the morning to watch boxing again, the Amir Khan fight, misunderstanding the 9am from 9pm, i got up at 9am but there was no fight. so i went back to sleep and had a returning dream, more like a nightmare that had haunted me way back when i was 17, i thought it was over but it's not..i hate that dream. i think i hate it even worst because i loved it. confusing? but yeah thats the way we are sometmes. fuck, sometimes i wish i had the right to choose and make my own dreams. a few days back i had a very beautiful dream, a dream every man, father, husband are dying to live. we are all the same...
so today after having a very subdued lunch, eating it all alone, looking out at the garden, patels of flowers falling off the apple tree, i realized something, i dunno if this realization was a good thing or not..but it hit me. i know sometimes my thinking brain takes the better of me, but sometimes i think it does that for my own sake. but for fuck sakes, i wish everything would leave me alone. i wanna just for one minute, for just one fucking minute, live my life with the pureness of a kid running around the play ground. when was the last time you felt like a kindergarden? where your only worry was missing thundercats or transformers? when i was a kid, god bless my parents, i had every toy a kid could only dream of. my favorate toy was this car from the cartoon Mask, that turns into a boat. i still have it in my room. i still have most of my toys, saving them from the clutches of my generous mom. who gave away half of all my toys to kids who didn't know how to treasure them. i one saw my He-man figure at my cousins, it was broken, i knew it was mine, cause my initials were on the bottom of the foot. back to my point, i wanna play with my toys, and not have dreams. i wanna watch cartoons and not reality shows. i wanna run around the play ground. i wanna put my hand out of the car window and pretend to catch the wind. i wanna.....i dunno, i guess i just wanna not grow up.
well, after lunch i went playing pool with my housemates. interesting enough i was horrible tonight. i missed so many easy shots, so many straight shots, damn never played that horrible ever before. but WTF, worst things has happened. we wanted to catch a movie but then we missed the show, so we just chilled at town for awhile and then just came home...
sitting infront of my computer, with two fucks for a brain again, its becoming a habit. somebody smack me with a wet towel. i need to see my mom, soon...
later.
anyways,
today i got up in the morning to watch boxing again, the Amir Khan fight, misunderstanding the 9am from 9pm, i got up at 9am but there was no fight. so i went back to sleep and had a returning dream, more like a nightmare that had haunted me way back when i was 17, i thought it was over but it's not..i hate that dream. i think i hate it even worst because i loved it. confusing? but yeah thats the way we are sometmes. fuck, sometimes i wish i had the right to choose and make my own dreams. a few days back i had a very beautiful dream, a dream every man, father, husband are dying to live. we are all the same...
so today after having a very subdued lunch, eating it all alone, looking out at the garden, patels of flowers falling off the apple tree, i realized something, i dunno if this realization was a good thing or not..but it hit me. i know sometimes my thinking brain takes the better of me, but sometimes i think it does that for my own sake. but for fuck sakes, i wish everything would leave me alone. i wanna just for one minute, for just one fucking minute, live my life with the pureness of a kid running around the play ground. when was the last time you felt like a kindergarden? where your only worry was missing thundercats or transformers? when i was a kid, god bless my parents, i had every toy a kid could only dream of. my favorate toy was this car from the cartoon Mask, that turns into a boat. i still have it in my room. i still have most of my toys, saving them from the clutches of my generous mom. who gave away half of all my toys to kids who didn't know how to treasure them. i one saw my He-man figure at my cousins, it was broken, i knew it was mine, cause my initials were on the bottom of the foot. back to my point, i wanna play with my toys, and not have dreams. i wanna watch cartoons and not reality shows. i wanna run around the play ground. i wanna put my hand out of the car window and pretend to catch the wind. i wanna.....i dunno, i guess i just wanna not grow up.
well, after lunch i went playing pool with my housemates. interesting enough i was horrible tonight. i missed so many easy shots, so many straight shots, damn never played that horrible ever before. but WTF, worst things has happened. we wanted to catch a movie but then we missed the show, so we just chilled at town for awhile and then just came home...
sitting infront of my computer, with two fucks for a brain again, its becoming a habit. somebody smack me with a wet towel. i need to see my mom, soon...
later.
posted by Unknown at 22:50
6 Comments:
arggghh...it's too early for me to get depress.i wish i could turn back time,but i didnt have a very happy childhood,just wanna turn back to a day where i can see my dad again.
always,always,always love your parents.we dont have much time.
i had a wonderful childhood, movies with my mom, road trips with my dad. toys, games, fun and laughter. can't even remember a sad time at all...
my parents are my greatest ever assets.
then consider yourself among the very few lucky ones.sigh.....
in desperate need of a hug.
...hugs...
every sunday was board games night, i remember how my dad use to cheat and we'd catch him (maybe he wanted us to cath him), so much fun and laughter.
damn, i miss my family...
every sunday was family breakdown day...my dad would leave us,mom would scream at us,we would scream at each other...
all the happiness was left in Disneyland...literally.
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