where do i go from here?

last night after watching 'the siege', i just stayed up waiting for my mom to skype. well eventually she did and by the time we finished talking it was 9am already. i really miss her a lot. my memories of me leant on her lap, with tears flowing from our eyes, just before i left, still flashes before my eyes. i love you mommy. but it was great talking to her.

after that i decided to sleep for a few minutes before going to the supermarket but i only got up at 1pm, basil was awake already and waiting for the stuff to cook. so i quickly went and bought all the things needed and we started cooking. so now i know how to make briyani, cool. now ricardo wants me to cook him all these dishes. no problem man, when and if i get back, you'll have a feast.

later there is 'the negotiator', kinda of a really good samuel l. jackson movie, but i loved kevin spacey in it.

actually i'm very tired and sleepy right now. i'm listening to some really slow sweet songs, waiting for the movie to start. i hope i don't doze off before it, but won't make a difference, watched it twice before.

question, do i live in the movies? am i delussional, living in the neither in reality nor in denial, but in fiction? do i always sound like i'm throwing out dialoges from movies, am i not original....? do i have a sense of my own stability, a sense of my belonging? where do i go from here?

there is this voice saying 'straight to hell, you fuck-up'. lets hope it comes quickly and swiftly.

later.