A Year In The United Kingdom

~The End~

2005-08-31T14:03:00.000+01:00

to the Elysian Fields and back...

after 467posts, more than 50,000 words writen, tears shed, laughter spilled, enemies made, friends grown, truth recognized, lies lived and all that done with just one motive in mind; to live on, A Year In The United Kingdom comes to an end.

i don't know how much i have grown or learnt or changed in this one year, we'll soon to find that out. i don't know if the year away was much needed or was beneficial to both of us. i don't know anything at all. but perhaps someday, in the distant future, i'll look back and say; 'hey...' and shrug my shoulders.

i drafted my last post almost a month back, but i'm scrapping that one and just go with what comes to mind now, which to my suprise, nothing. so i'll just end this 'one year project' if i must call it with something i once heard in the movies. yeah i know its not originally mine, but if i ever have to say a prayer out loud i think this should be it;

"Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well. For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness"

God bless those who were with me in this journey and those who remain in my thoughts forever...

so i couldn't do it...

2005-08-29T20:32:00.000+01:00

since this here blog dies tomorrow, i thought what the hell just keep on blogging. not like i have a lot to look forward to in my life now anyways.

My Internal Combustion Vodoun

i'll miss this one though. the grass is always greener on the other side.

HHHHHHhhhhhh

2005-08-29T19:44:00.000+01:00

so i finally got my ass up and went out to meet up with Eleanor, Ashlin and Jason. Ashlin didn't seem to bite my head off and Jason was errr, what can i say, cool. maybe sometime we'll meet up and play PS2 unless you guys ban me from the games too. you know what, Eleanor, next time we meet up, i should ask you to get me some more of that cake i had for my birthday, the one with the toffee cream.

so besides that, i slept the whole day, and i'll give you 3 guesses what i'll be doing next, if you don't get it right, you're a real dumbass. wait something is wrong with my laptop, my letter 'H' doesn't seem to be working right. oh god i hate it when things go wrong like this?!

nothing...

2005-08-28T19:01:00.000+01:00

yes that seems to be the theme i live by now. lets see now, saturday the whole day i did nothing, then today all i did was sleep. my only excitement came while watching the FIM, no suprise who won, Rossi and poor Gebernau ran out of fuel at the last lap.

then i forced myself to stay awake and watch Man Utd kick Newcastle's ass. then i'm back to basking in the glory of my comforter. yeah and the tv is on with the Crodile Hunter going on. why can't somebody call me up and say those magic two words; 'M Satu'.

or call me and say 'i missed you...'

i ask a lot, later.

p.s. in two days time i kill you bloggie...

Premilla

2005-08-27T12:19:00.000+01:00

family is always good, no doubt having some family always kinda resumes your life to somewhat normal when you are so far away from home. it was nice to meet up with Prem when she came down. that dungu waited only till my graduation to show up when i've been inviting her to come up to Leeds since Christmas last year. then she had the cheek to tell me, 'so fast you're going back, we only just cought up with each other....'

all things said and done, it was great to have you with us in Leeds. i'll thank you again for coming to my graduation but i'll still scold you for wasting your money on buying me flowers! here she is trying to figure out the instruction on how to mess up my hair, together with her accomplice Subha, they did.

before i left she, at the airport she gave me a card. again a waste to money but i read on the flight and i was completely blown away, firstly at how much she managed to write and secondly how much of an opinion she had on me. it all appreciated Prem. thanks, once again.

p.s. i enjoyed sleeping while you played with my hair =P

DeadMan's Elapsing Whistle...

2005-08-27T12:06:00.000+01:00

being at home, definetely a much more calmer place than the ones i'm used to it not really sitting well with me. maybe from being the out-going, trouble seeking person i was about 2 to 3 years ago, then becoming a pussy at the turn of the moonlight had something to do with it i have no idea but indeed it is NOT my cup of tea.

i still drive like a pussy and am still awaiting my first road-rage to happen, which somehow, a voice in me says will never happen. malaysian drivers do drive like idiots, don't we?

so, all i have been doing sitting at home is sending out resumes and applying jobs online. last night i talked to my mom's boss, he has a proposition for me, though the money sounds alluring enough but the job kind sounds a little out of my league. no doubt i can pull it off, the question will be for how long. he wants me to come in this wednesday, see how things goes. hey, you never know i might enjoy doing this (pls pls pls....somebody say i will), right?

remember how when i came home and the first few days i slept like a baby at nights, somehow..somehow i have that feeling again that its not gonna be like that very soon. just a feeling.

and you know what, i'm alone again...

Raj

2005-08-25T13:42:00.000+01:00

this is definetely the hardest post i've had to post up. took me almost 45 minutes to put up the sequence, then another 20minutes to arrange it. then i went mind dead, so much things were running thru my mind, i wanted to say that and this about him. i wanted to put in the cream and cake theory. i even wanted to quote the Mahabaratham, a song of Ilayaraaja's. so many things came across my mind but at the end i couldn't pen anything down. so i'll just say one thing about Raj; 'M Satu'

p.s. hope the tattoo is coming along fine dude...

Mohan

2005-08-25T13:41:00.000+01:00

the poser, the guitarist, the model, the mat jiwang, the lover boy, the joker, the clown, the movie buff and ofcourse...the friend.

he is such a poser, loves to have his picture taken. he is under the impression that he is the cutest guy in town. you know the best part is that he'll hand me the camera and tell me to take his picture. oh god, you just wanna smack his smile off his face right. he was the guy who went everyday to the damn uni, i have no idea what he did there until one day i cought him. the dude was watching a Metallica video clip in the library.

i met him and the first thing i saw him do was eat. the rest went to take a shower but him, had to fill his stoamch. ever since then until today, the last thing i saw him do was also eat at Burger King's. he came out as this useless clown, probably some wanna be macho kampung dude. then one day he started talking about movies, and there you go, he was into movies like i was in Formula One. ofcourse the sting was not to come yet. he then one day picked up a guitar made my jaw drop a foot down. the dude is one fucking good guitarist. most people would only dream to end up as good as he is (if he is reading this i know he's got this smurk thats a mile long). i'm serious, when it comes to music i have not met anyone as talented and gifted as this guy is. he can play the drums, the keyboard and God knows what else.

he is also a pretty good cook too, his chicken curry is damn tasty. and his favorite is sambar, dhal with all the vegetarian food, with the papadam, he can go 3 rounds tops. i should take him to Nirwana when he comes down.

he recently has discovered a side of him he probably had in him all along but just never showed. the dude has found love, and he has seriously changed. from a guy who used to strum to some heavy metal rift is now, get this, sitting around trying to find the chords to some cheasy love song. as cheasy as it it, it happens to the best of us.

without a shadow of a doubt, i'll say this; the woman who gets to have Mohan as companion, is a very lucky woman. this dude is so centered, he has got such an enormous weight of family values burried deep in him. which makes such a wonderful person to be around with, he has this aura about him, that everything is happy and peaceful. he actually gets upset when he watches the news. speaking of TV, never give him the remote, he'll kill you with the programs he watches.

did i mention this guy can dance, very well. boggie away my friend. though i'm a real mean mother fucker, don't forget me...

Subha and Sachi

2005-08-25T13:40:00.000+01:00

the couple of the year award could go to them, depending on just one thing. well thats ofcourse if Sachi by suprise one day decides to snog Subha in public, heahheahe, kidding again guys...

this was the last picture i took when i was in Leeds, thats when they all decided to take me out for a movie and dancing. i think we watched 'Dark Waters' and we went to Baja. the place kinda sucked though and ofcourse gave Subha a culture shock. she wasn't up to becoming the Holabeck girl

you know i first met Sachi and Subha when they were staying in Mohan's house, they stayed there until they found our hang out spot Holbeck. ever since the first day i met Sachi i knew this was one lepak karat macha, and turns out he was, it was so nice to just chill with him. ofcourse he needs his daily, ermmm sorry hourly dose of his medication, yes the man is very seriously ill, with something called 'chill-out'gitis', so daily we had a bottle of his medication in house, sometimes it was Teachers, other times it was Royal Game. then once in awhile there was Uncle Jack in the house. plus after all we always came down with the same illness, weird how that happened. oh this picture says it all about Subha and what she loves to do with our hair.

speaking of Subha, the first time i met her, she came out as the shy type. i had no idea she was such a friendly and bubbly character, ofcourse there is that mean temper of hers, which i'll avoid at all cost. i learnt a long time ago never argue with women, they'll always win, cause most of the the times they're right anyways. Subha can really make Milo like the way my mom makes it, damn i wish she'd come to the UK earlier, or atleast i should have hanged out with them more. yummy Milo...*slurp

hours before i left, we were all chilling out at my place then we sent Sachi and Subha back, and boy was i in for a suprise, Subha cried her eyes out when i approached to say goodbye. i was so shocked to really find out that she really cared for me. i mean yeah we all cared for each other, but when she cried so badly, i had realized i had actually touched someone in ways i didn't know was possible. i've always been a loud mouth, filled with vulgarity. guys can chill with it, but when a girls learnt to see me despite all the things i say, was certainly something beautiful. i'll never forget the way she cried. at one point, i almost broke into tears but ofcourse i've managed to master the art of keeping my tears contained. Sachi will always be an elder brother than will always wink at me, to signal the 'tick tock' has arrived, and Subha will always be my cute little sister whom i'll get to tease and play around with, oh not to mention she'll fix my hair for me and make me a cup of really sweet Milo.

this here is Conan the Librarian. oh man, Sachi is hilarious, you should hear him do his voices and his jokes are really funny, especially when he talks about his 'Blues Town' Ipoh, and the man loves Samurai Jack, how can i complain. we watched Transfomers together. i can't for these two to come down back to Malaysia. Sachi owes me a trip to Cameron Highlands and Subha, of what the hell it'll be great just to see her again. miss you guys, a lot...

Mahesh

2005-08-25T13:39:00.000+01:00

the bad boy of Leeds, Hellboy of real life, the Real McCoy of running with the wolves. actually Mahesh was the first among all of them that i met. i met him at the visa office in KL. back then when i went to collect the damn visa, they stuck almost 50 of us into an office space of 20 by 20 feet, to top it all of then went and closed the doors and switched off the office. i was back there bitching and cursing out, when he turned around and agreed with me. oh an by the way, the bottle next to him is not oil, its beer, thats how he drinks it...hehahehae, kidding guys, its oil, i swear.

thats his dad, notice how neat and tidy Mahesh looks next to his dad. oh i gotta tell this story, see when his dad was in town he couldnt smoke so every now and then he'd go to the shop to buy apple juice. then one day we left in the car and we hadn't gone far, just around the block. so Mahesh being the big taiko he is lite his cigi up and was like, 'i can't take it anymore..!'. just then his dad crosses the road going for a walk in the park. hehahehahe, should have seen all of them run for cover. Raj was the only sane one not to smoke until they'd cleared Holbeck.

this is after he had straigthened his hair, ofcourse by our in-house saloon artist Subha. he dreaded the day he met me and ofcourse the day i took my camera out of its covers. he named me paparazzi.

all things said and done, he is only 21 years old, wait is that right? anyways that makes him the youngest among all of us and yet, he shows signs of maturity way past his age and he can obviously hold his liquor in more than any of us. come October, he said he'll be down, we've gotta meet up.

Logesh

2005-08-25T13:38:00.000+01:00

this dude is hilarious, i tell you he can crack a joke that makes you laugh until you become paralyzed or get a stroke. he is just so naturally funny, if he really wanted to he could do stand up comedy. oh thats him infront of his Nissan Primera, really nice car.

you know i met him and another bunch of the guys, Siva, Srikanth and Raju, all these dudes work with Raj and Mohan at KFC. wierd how i'm like apart of their KFC staff when i go down there. really nice guys though i only got to really know one of them quite well. these guys are all really smart fellows, no suprise their all probably doing their second masters by now.

i just had to post this pic up la, come on. he is standing next to the Great Eric Cantona la...

Alvin

2005-08-25T13:17:00.000+01:00

another crazy mother fucker, this one from Sabah pulak. he got whacked from me by a slipper for saying bad things about Michael Schumacher, but we were all pissed and stoned, but we had the best times, only Mr. Berg was there

hey Alvin you owe me a nice trip in Sabah, so when you get back pls call me, alright, peace out dude...

Kelvin

2005-08-25T13:16:00.000+01:00

crazy mother fucker, i think i said everything i need to say about him in those 3 words or did i?

hope his new found love life works out, should see him blush when we teased him. see you soon, you wacko.

Jane and Sara

2005-08-25T13:15:00.000+01:00

i met Jane and Sara during Deepavali at Mohans place and the rest as they say is, history

we hanged out a lot, we went to Liverpool together. the lot of us. i think the most time we spent was in Spinx, this Egyptians restaurant, the latte was to die for.

Jane's fried mee hoon was pretty nice, she made for my BBQ party and Sara...ermm, dey you never cook for me before, though he loved my cooking. i remember how i used to physc Jane when we played pool, best part i'd alway get the better of her. all things said and done, regrets and remorse aside, it was great meeting these two love birds, hope to see them again...

Jerad

2005-08-25T10:46:00.000+01:00

sad how this is the only photo of him alone i have. should have taken more pictures with him. Jerad thought me a lot of things about cooking, like how not put certains things together with certains spices and all, you know the cooking secrets. oh yeah and this guy made me walking around Leeds for almost a week thinking about his coffee. i don't drink coffee but exception to his, magnificent is the word.

Jerad, was the first guy in the UK to really touch me (don't get any funny ideas). see i don't by my hand and i dunno how to anyways. so all the time my mom would feed me or i'd just have a go at everything with a fork. Jerad cooked crab for me one day and he started breaking the crabs for me knowing i don't use my hand, that was like the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.

he had eye op back in Feb, hope he is okay now. i didn't get a chance to see him before i leave, he is the only one i didn't tell. should call him one of these days.

Saba

2005-08-25T10:30:00.000+01:00

a man who knows how to party, age is just a number to this man. do you believe it he is already 37. left his country at a very tender age in seek of piece and another life. the man who really thought me how to open up and make friends. oh course kinda thought me a few boggie steps too.

not only is he one of the best cooks i've met (you see know why i learnt cooking so fast, mixing around with this guy) but he is one of the best errm, how do i put this, well i let the picture speak for itself.

my Man Utd fanclub base. he was also a true sports fan, practically watches all kinds of sports like me. everytime i go over to his house for football or something we end up watching sports till late hours and i'd miss class the next day, heahehaehe. ofcourse watching sports wasn't all we did, smoke it up boy...

he is now in france and a father to be, so congratulation to him and his wife, i hope someday i'll get the chance to meet him up again, and we can party like we were Leeds United.

D.J.

2005-08-25T10:22:00.000+01:00

our very own in house clown, man this guy is funny and can crack even Hitler up with his antics. oh yeah and he is suppose to be a Vijaykanth fan, an Indian actor who can literally make me puke

he was also our in house informer cum Superman. to be honest, he was kinda private wished i had gotten to know him better but circumstances had it otherwise.

this guy was vegetarian on fridays, so on fridays though it was his turn of cooking i'd still dread the day, heahaheahe..

without me i break...

2005-08-23T09:07:00.000+01:00

i got up today with a really bad realization, one that i have dreaded all these days, all the while being a hermit for such a long time, i got up to the same realization i had about a year and half ago, i want her back, i still love her so damn bloody much, as fucked up as it sounds and as painful as each day living in memory is, i got up at 6 with the picture of just wanting her back, no matter the cost.

"oh God, i still love her, help me you cynical bastard, you sadistic obsessed mother fucker, you do something, help me, make me stop leving her, or help me have back the one i love so much. don't you dare smurk or i'll bitch slap you straight back to pillars of heaven...!"

sigh...what do i do. i need to get my life straightened out, i need to organize, devide and conquer. get a job and a hair cut, cut down on the swearing, wear pants for a change and maybe, just maybe, someday learn to be quiet.

Ric just called me out for dinner, you know sometime i wanna strangle the guy, asking me to drive all the way to 1U, its so fucking far away though ii can get there in like 15minutes thru the MRR2, but its still so fucking far away. hey chinese next time you drive nearer please, or change your snooker practive venue. the last time i was there in 1U i went window shopping, or should i say, speed walking with Shenn and Eleanor. oh yeah and i found a place in 1U that discriminates women who are little bigger than others. how dare they actually seperate they clothing lines from the others, they actually had seperate section called 'Women+'. those idiot have no respect for women and the way they feel don't they. i know some women are comfortable with the way they are, but that doesn't mean its right to go and label them. Women, thin, tall, short, plump, green, blue or whatever feature they come in are the goddesses of this earth, no one has the right to judge them. i sound like a over weight women myself, but i watched an episode of Oprah once, that changed the way i looked at women forever. do you know that almost 80% of women who are over weight are usually abuse victims or some sort of tragic childhood, and half of that is cause by MEN. and we men can never understand the things women have to go thru in their childhood or even as adults, the abuse and discriminations they have to face day in day out. the eyes of men who strip them naked every hour of their life's. and what do they get in return, a section for them labelled 'Women+'. okay i need to calm down now...

i think the Celcom people pissed me off first today, asking my dad to call in instead just to change the package. i know all the details that they need and besides i am his son, what the fuck, have i lost even the right to my fathers accounts. i know they have procedures, but WTF does it serve if its just for security purposes and i can by pass it just by pretending to be my dad, since i have all the details. real major dumb fucks, i kept telling the customer care guy to transfer me to his supervisor, or somebody who can make a decision and he kept telling me 'its procedure', real stupid SOB, really pissed me off only. you know Malaysia i came home telling myself home is always better, pls for fuck sakes don't make me regret my decision, so far if it wasn't for the fact i get to see my parents at the end of the day, i've already started to regret coming home, majorly.

this really turning into a fucked up day, all by just sitting at home, i think i might just cancel on Ricardo, considering how probably just might jump at everybody for nothing. even worst, the guys who i helped to move into my space in UK wanna desperately meet up, i have no idea WHAT THE FUCK FOR?! then again i can understand their anxiety leaving to a foreign country depending on nothing but my word. just think of it this way guys, if a spoilt, good for nothing, never lifted a finger for anything, dumb fuck, totally dependable but ingrate like myself went there and didn't disintegrate, you guys are gonna do well there, even be better off without my advice.

so with or without me, i'm just on a destructive path, AGAIN...

"oh God, i call on you today, again. help me contain myself. for fuck sakes help yourself and shut me up, do the world a favor and just wipe me off a clean memory, flatlining me was never your forte, you sucked at it. so you just decided to drain me of yourself. oh no, i refuse to let you go either. if i am going down (or up), you're coming with me. if i burn, i'm gonna make sure its over your ashes first. if i'm destined to fly without wings, i'm gonna make sure i get a lift by stepping on your shoulder. so both ways, it'll be you first then me. you're stuck with me, like it or not..."

Basil

2005-08-22T14:36:00.000+01:00

the man from the land where the water is sweet, Thirichi. oh he was just a very good friend. a man who speaks his mind and kinda getss on everybody's nerves, just like me.

oh did i mention he was our in house romeo, aren't you Mr. Manmathan.

he was also my cooking guru there, we had BSc (Basil School of Cooking) every sundays, i'll miss his briyani.

Saturday, Sunday and then came Monday.

2005-08-22T14:11:00.000+01:00

so lets see, watched football with my football kaki's..(oh wait) kaki. only my cuz preman came over and the rest aren't in the country, miss you man, came back soon. football just isn't the same. oh then ofcourse me and Nippu went old school in the cinemas. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. i tell you, the show is fucked up, majorly fucked up, its like the Sigmund Freud version of Sesame Street. but the Oompa Loompa's were hilarious man, oh if you don't know what i'm talking about go watch the show. and when the song 'Willy Wonke' comes on, try replacing Willy Wonke with Willy Wanker, such a filth song.

on sunday then ofcourse it was GP weekend, sucked considering Navein and my dad weren't in town, so i watched it alone. then ofcourse Mark Webber had to clobber the back of Schumi, ending his race at such an early stage. it was beautiful to watch him power his way from 19th to 11th in a single lap, then go out like that. then feeling so bloody disapointed i went over to Ricardo's ofcourse the dufus was sick again, i had to print my resume, then him, Shenn and i were like watching OC, such a clear copy considering it was downloaded.

i came home early cause i wanted to watch Arsenal kick Chelsea's ass but instead they got their own whipped. then i was online with Subha, Sachi and Mahesh. they were chilling out Holbeck style and i miss that, damn.....

today i went for the interview at True Fitness, it went okay i think. he said they'll give me a call tomorrow. if they don't i'll just assume the worst. you know i came home around 1plus and slept and just got up, its 9pm now, daymn. now me gonna go fetch my mom.

Moscow, up close and personal....Uni style

2005-08-19T19:18:00.000+01:00

Sakthi just came over with a bottle of Russian Vodka, can't remember what its called again but what the fuck its got one powerful aftershock. but i had never tried Vodka with apple juice before, kinda nice and i'll recommend it, anytime.

hey Sakthi, my dear cuz, we need to hook up with Balan and have another one of those morning till night 'tanni' sessions, unless ofcourse you're leaving for Moscow again, in which case don't forget to get me another bottle of their best Vodka. oh yeah, and i wont tell Thanes you bought one for me instead of one for him, shhhhh.....

hey the last time i saw Sakthi was last year in April, damn good to see you again cuz.

the bits and pieces in between

2005-08-19T13:00:00.000+01:00

you'll really know you're home when you actually sit your ass on your very own crapper. oh man i miss my blue porcelain throne, the crapper thinker is back. i think i'm most uncomfortable when i'm in a foreign toilet. weird thing is when in mine, after such a long time, it's like i never left.

pass me the Top Gear and turn on the music, i need to go take a dump, we'll continue the credits later. more heros, villians, supporting cast and ofcourse the black dude that is always the first to die in the movies.

(i had no intention for the title to come out that way, i mean..oh forget it..)

Kumar

2005-08-19T12:35:00.000+01:00

oh, this guy on the other hand brought eggs back into fashion, yes, you heard me right, eggs.

if you ever wanna argue with Kumar, make sure you have your fact straight, cause seriouly he is Mr. Facts and Figures. imagine having him around the house, and saying something wrong, KAPOOOW, he'd counter with his remarkable memory power and his intellectual insights of the world. then again, if he is around, we'd always have laughs...

you know whats the best thing, you should see him drive now. our very own Narein Karthikeyen or Ford Kumar as we call him. you know what, i actuall miss his sambar and his pressure cooked sweet mutton. hope everythings 'Sets' well with the dude and his future...

C.G.

2005-08-19T11:54:00.000+01:00

another Raj in this story but this time around it's Yuwaraj Kumar. i have to say meeting this dude had to be the most luckiest thing to have ever happened to me in the UK. see i went there with no place to stay, but though i had this address i pulled of the internet, this guy told me to chill at their place for awhile first, then a few weeks down the road i ended up being their housemate and the rest as they say is history....

the first time i met him, he took of his snowcap i thought, hey look Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons, then ofcourse we got hang out a lot turned out he was more like Otto, the bus driver, hehaheahe, cool dude....

did i mention he had an afro then went and straightened it out. the T-shirt though spells him out correctly, i've seen get up for work at 5am then come home around noon then go back to work around 4pm, then come home only after 10pm. our very own housedoctor, and cleanliness inspector.

oh yeah and the man who put the bread back into the trend...

the credits...

2005-08-19T11:38:00.000+01:00

at the end of every movie you see the credits run and only then you know the movie has actually ended, right. although sometimes there's that extra bit after its ended, so this is kinda like how that is (weird how i'm having difficulty understanding what i just said myself). so for the song thats suppose to be playing for this bit i'll just pick the songs that are playing right now on my computer...

Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
By Michael Jackson

Lovely Is The Feelin' Now
Fever, Temperatures Risin' Now
Power (Ah Power) Is The Force The Vow
That Makes It Happen It Asks No Questions Why (Ooh)
So Get Closer (Closer Now)
To My Body Now Just Love Me
'Til You Don't Know How (Ooh)

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough

Touch Me And I Feel On Fire
Ain't Nothin' Like A Love Desire (Ooh)
I'm Melting (I'm Melting)
Like Hot Candle Wax Sensation (Ah Sensation)
Lovely Where We're At (Ooh)
So Let Love Take Us Through The Hours
I Won't Be Complanin'
'Cause This Is Love Power (Ooh)

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
(Ooh)

Heartbreak Enemy Despise
Eternal (Ah Eternal)
Love Shines In My Eyes (Ooh)
So Let Love Take Us Through The Hours
I Won't Be Complanin' (No No)
'Cause Your Love Is Alright, Alright

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Lovely Is The Feeling Now I Won't Be Complanin' (Ooh Ooh)
The Force Is Love Power

Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
Keep On With The Force Don't Stop
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
[To Fade]

Never Gonna Stop
By Rob Zombie

yeah
my durango number 95
take me to the home
kick boots
and ultra live
see heaven flash
a horrorshow
knock it nice
and smooth
step back and
watch it flow yeah

never gonna stop me
never gonna stop
never gonna stop me
never gonna stop

yeah
the devil ride
a dinosaur
he paint the monster red
so the blood don't
stain the floor
in out
real savage show
sorry as a shot
came sickness
watch it flow yeah

Eternity
By Robbie Williams

Close your eyes so your don't hear then
They don't need to see you cry
I can't promise I will heal you
But if you want to I will try

I'll sing this somber serenade
The past is done
We've been betrayed
It's true
Someone said the truth will out
I believe without a doubt, in you

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity...
For eternity

Yesterday when you were walking
We talked about your mum and dad
What they did that made you happy
What they did that made you sad
We sat and watched the sun go down
Picked a star before we lost the moon
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone to soon

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity...
For eternity

For eternity
I'll sing this somber serenade
The past is done
We've been betrayed
It's true
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone to soon

You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity

You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I know you'll find your freedom
Eventually
For eternity
For eternity

okay, i can't wait any longer for another song to start playing, lets just roll with these 3 first. i'll see if anything comes up later.

Elevation

2005-08-19T05:12:00.000+01:00

By U2

High, higher than the sun
You shoot me from a gun
I need you to elevate me here

A corner of your lips
Is the orbit of your hips
Eclipse
You elevate my soul

I've got no self control
Been living like a mole now
Going down, excavation
Higher now, in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation

A star
Lit up like a cigar
Strung out like a guitar
Maybe you can educate my mind

Explain all these controls
Can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation

A mole
Digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, excavation

Higher now
In the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation

Love
Lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

A mole
Digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, excavation

Higher now
In the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation

Elevation
Elevation
Elevation
Elevation

so i've found myself a new driving song, yet i haven't found my driving yet. in the words of an Apek, i've become a pussy. racing with houseflies at the speeds of toddler trams. i need my E-E-E-Ela-va-tionnnnnnn....

the end of days...

2005-08-18T17:13:00.000+01:00

i've decided, my blog dies on the 30th of August. knowing me the final post for 'A Year In The United Kingdom' is already in my drafts. about changing the title and just carry on blogging, its just not right, starting up a new blog, now thats still on a pending decision, gotta get my board of members on it.

so starting tomorrow, its T-10 till this blog dies.

blend with the Mamak Culture, again...

2005-08-18T09:42:00.000+01:00

it has been so long since i went shopping with my mom, so we did this afternoon, nothing much just went grocery shopping. i ended up paying RM500 for a months provisions. all of a sudden i was like, WTF? it used to only cost me some like 30pounds to shop in the UK, then again i wouldn't know how much it would cost back here as i have never looked at the cash register when we check out. i'm definetely a changed man, as i can actually notice how much shampoo and conditioner cost, fucking 50bucks for them. oh don't get me started on mouthwash, fuck sakes. was everything this expensive a year ago, or have i become a cheapskate?

suddenly i felt like running back to Leeds, holy mother of God, did i just say that?! arrrggghh!!! okay okay (calm down, take deep breaths). so then i thought of buying lunch and go over to the roasted chicken, FUCKING JELLY BEANS, it cost 10bucks for a whole roasted chicken? i distinctively remember buying those roasted chickens at Carrefour for only 5 to 6 bucks. i thought it sucked there, its a whole different kind of 'suckiness' back here huh..

and the morons still drive the same, though i must say i have toned down so much when it comes to driving, i actually am not getting pissed at those morons. even better (if you wanna put it that way) i'm giving them way, i'm giving everyone way. i thought it was the Malaysian way to hog, am i no longer a domestic swine, i need to rediscover my roots. when a driver cuts infront of me, i wanna go, 'pukimak, celaka engkau...!!!', then screen down and show him the international sign. heahaheahe...

so then now that i am home, i start to flip channels, and what the fuck we still only have 20something channels? i was flipping 800channels, come on Malaysia, don't get me all mushy about the United Kingdom pulak. oh fuck sakes enough with the censoring already, sometimes you do it, then sometime you don't. whats the deal with that. why is it that the only censor things that are sexual, those brutal murders all the go and show it, stupid board of censor people, i think they drinking on the job or something...

okay time to go see what reckless or malicious behavior that causes discomfort or annoyance in others i can rally up. oh btw, relatives are coming over tonight to the house, don't really like them, hey Ric call me, how come you not picking up your phone? you avoiding me ah? bastard you chinese.

later...

A Place In My Head

2005-08-18T02:36:00.000+01:00

By Linkin' Park

I watch how the
Moon sits in the sky
in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesn't give
light to the moon assuming
The moon’s going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do
Favors and then rapidly
You just
Turn around and start asking me
about
Things you want back from me
I’m sick of the tension
sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place
to feed your greed -
While I find a place to rest
I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don’t understand
(You’ll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head
Maybe someday I’ll be just like you
and
Step on people like you do and
Run
Away the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm
used to be strong
Used to be generous
but you should’ve known
That you’d
Wear out your welcome
now you see
How quiet it is
all alone
I’m so
Sick of the tension
sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place
to feed your greed -
While
I find a place to rest
I’m so
Sick of the tension
sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place
to feed your greed -
While
I find a place to rest
You try to take the best of me
Go away

memory sucks....

2005-08-17T10:02:00.000+01:00

there is a saying in Tamil, that goes something like this; the pain of memories are much worst than the pain of death. i went driving around town today and i realized how much i missed this place and at the same time how much i dread all the memories that still remains. i wish somehow i could turn back time, but unfortunately as powerful as i am, my magic wand cannot raise such enormities. after coming home, i open all my mail and out come my AAM card, all renewed and ready for use for another year, sad thing is when i registered for it, i registered it for her too, as my spouse. so her card came too. as weird as it sounds, it was painful to see all of it again. but as i have come to learn, thats life, filled with pain and shit...

as days go by, as i procrastinate unpacking my bags, i must in some way enjoy the filth that is my room. i always one of those clean freaks, everything had to be spotless and where i last left it. but if it doesn't go that way i always tend to just let everything go, so all my stuff ends up in a clutter of my own confusion. its nice to see all my clothes outside of my cupboard, its not so nice considering i wasn't the one who was doing all the wearing. including a few T-shirts i can't even bare to look at. sometimes memory is too damn painful. all this just keeps reminding me why i left in the first place, and its bringing out the worst in me, the worst being a question; why did i return?

in some strange way, i hate this place. i hate myself for returning, i knew i was gonna go thru this shit all over again, i knew from the day i left i had to come back to this hell hole. but somehow its not that bad this time around, considering how much i miss it. so theres the eternal question answered, i am a pain junkie, and will always be one.

so here's me raising my glass to the all the pain junkie's around, holla if you feel me.

later...

Kebab vs Roti Canai Banjir

2005-08-17T05:43:00.000+01:00

i know being back was the best thing for me but yet somehow, i'm very not sure. happy as i am to be back in my cradle, i ask myself; I'M FUCKING BACK IN THE CRADLE?!!!! oh yeah ofcourse the cradle is always good, no complains. but i don't like being a baby anymore. i'm done with the milk and the lullabies.

you know what i miss all of a sudden, the dudes back there, my holbeck chill-out gang. back here all my kaki's have gone to work or studying far far away from Neverland. i miss my Kebabs, my 'you waaaat's'...life in UK sucked but i've came to realize it was a part of my life. as much as i hated it, it was in some freakish way, beautiful. i tried calling them yesterday, but i think my phone still has some problems with roaming or something. hope you guys don't marah marah yeeee.

you know yesterday, i injured my arm while running up the stairs. i knocked it soooo hard on the wall my elbow just swelled up so badly. i miss my 28 St. Martins View, which was built all in wood but my 14, Lorong Wangsa Siaga 4 is all solid bricks, soooo painfull *sob sob*. plus had to be my injured arm.

now, time to think of what kind of food to go for...chinese, malay, indian? maybe i'll go for a fillet burger, hehaheahehae.

time to kill the bloggie, later...

at last...

2005-08-15T03:38:00.000+01:00

i'm finally home, probably the most painful things of all to say, yet so pleasurable.

bloggie, your days are up soon too. we'll talk later...

Happy Birthday....

2005-08-13T12:37:00.000+01:00

here's to me...

Baja after shock...

2005-08-11T00:46:00.000+01:00

she's probably gonna kill me or disown me as her friend but what the hell la...

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2005-08-10T20:17:00.000+01:00

by John Denver

All my bags are packed
I’m ready to go
I’m standin’ here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin’
It’s early morn
The taxi’s waitin’
He’s blowin’ his horn
Already I’m so lonesome
I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
¡®cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around
I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing
Ev’ry place I go, I’ll think of you
Ev’ry song I sing, I’ll sing for you
When I come back, I’ll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
¡®cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time
Let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
I’ll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone
About the times, I won’t have to say

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
¡®cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

But, I’m leavin’ on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

i think the song is harmonious with the occasion, don't you?

for fuck sakes, hit the gas...

2005-08-10T04:39:00.000+01:00

we knew all along we were beyond the condecending gravity that bounded others, we always knew we weren't gonna be normal. normal wasn't even in our dictionary, we had to work around it just to blend in.

i was just talking to Wai Keong, and you know what, i realized we loved to fuck up. way back when we were supposed to be flying with A's, we prefered to go home with F's. why? i have no fucking idea. we knew we were good. we knew we could have aced the test, we knew we could have blown the fat bitch away, with the way we write. we knew all along but, but yet, we just couldn't give a rats ass.

the thing that really pisses me off right now, is that everytime we fucked up, (either we were fucking genius' or we couldn't give a rats ass as always) everytime we fucked up, we just gave enough, if not always, just merely gave enough room for correction. everytime we took that banked corner, we knew we had to hit it a 300km/h but knowing us, and the Jacque Villenueve driving style we've all grown to love, we'll always had a little oversteer, so we we're always taking that corner at 299km/h, just enough to go crashing into turn 13 head on but enough to pick our remains up and live to drive another race...

thats my one regret, if i ever go back in time, i'm taking that corner at 310km/h, hold nothing back and for once end this cycle of painful resurections, we've come to get an addiction to; 'its okay to die a couple of times in one life time...'. oh yeah, and one more thing, if i ever go back in time, i'm definetely fucking that tall bootylicious brunette, married or not. i'm hitting the gas on that babes' test drive as well. oh god, she still haunts my dreams at night, rubbing her round booty on my face...

okay, i need to be alone again (where's the kleenex), later...

Baja Beer, Whiskey and Tattooes

2005-08-10T01:11:00.000+01:00

the guys wanted to take me out and so we went. the first we went for 'Dark Water', instead of being a horror story, the movie turned out to be a dramatic family story, about parents abandoning their children at their time of need. its weird how the western culture talk about children so much when they have completely NO SENSE OF FAMILY VALUES. oh yeah, can't remember where i read about Jennifer Connelly, but holy mother of Christ, she was HOOOOOOOOOOOTTT, a little nuts but simply gorgeous.

then by luck we got free entrance to a club called Baja, should have seen Subha's face, first time entertaining the clubbing scene in the UK, she was completely horrified with the way the British party. not too mention she and Mohan are sitting right infront of me, try to impress each other with their 'yo ho ho, 16 bottles of whiskey on a deadman's chest...', though Mohan trying to catch his tune in a high pitch sounds like a cow taking a shower, hehaehahe...

anyways, waiting for Raj to come home, the man who wanted to get a tattoo but could get up in the morning, he said, 'Machi M1, tattoo tomorrow, confirm'. we'll see tomorrow.

later....

simply red...

2005-08-09T13:46:00.000+01:00

who's that sexy looking red head? heahehaa, thats me back in 2000, Deepavali, my house. oh man, purportedly the best times of my life. if you're wondering, i dyed my hair scarlet red for the 2000 Formula One Malaysian Grand Prix, then a day later, my mom went and thoroughly shampooed my hair, cause she didn't like the red, and it turned out like that, copper red. heahehahe, imagine walking around town like that.

it was a real fucking hot day that day, thats Fei Ham and Wai Keat outside my house.

Ricardo, that is how thin, slim, fit, (whatever you wanna call it) you were back then. god man, look at you now, for fuck sakes, lose weight!

oh man, i miss my house, always did have a tinge of love in the air.

hey, thanks Wai Keong for the pictures, fucking brought back so many memories of the punk kid i was just a few but seemingly light years away.

T-2

2005-08-09T04:28:00.000+01:00

i pulled a fast one my friends earlier, oh man. should have seen Subha's face, heahaheae, and i have it on camera (damn i'm evil). oh well, i know i am going to hell anyways, so don't make no difference.

so Ric i hope you know what to do and you better not do what i hope you wont do and don't fuck up. oh yeah Shenn goodluck with your office, hope to see you soon too.

so Raj came back earlier and he brought out his famous line again, 'M1 macha, tomorrow we'll go do a tattoo....', i guess he needs to go thru the GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING PAIN as well. who am i to say no but at times like this a saying i saw before comes to mind;

'Photographs are for sissy's, ink is for life...'

hey, food fest anyone, yoong tau foo and roti canai?

T-4

2005-08-08T04:24:00.000+01:00

and so the pain has taken a toll on me, or so everyone claims. i've just been sleeping since last night, and i just kinda got up, been burning up and sneezing my ass out. (so much for making fun of the way Ashlin smelled). i hate it when i fall sick just like that, it'd be much more nicer if i saw it coming a mile away, then i'd spend the whole week in bed instead of boom. we had plans to go for the Leeds Mela today, but didn't because of me.

Sachi and Subha have been so nice to take care of me. oh yeah and thanks to their super drug, one pill can take you to LALA land (layan sendiri). the next day or the moment you get up, you wont know what hit you, KAPOOOOW!

so the Shipping to Malaysia guys are suppose to come today, i have to call them later and make sure they come. and then i need to do some more packing myself. and then i dunno what else is there for me here, besides maybe going around saying my goodbyes, or should i say my 'Hey, how you doing?'

my Aunty called me from Penang today, poor thing, she is in the hospital. having her back pains again. i hope she gets well soon. i miss hanging out with her and her family. we used to have the best laughs together, especially with my Aunty, Kamachi. she is a real gem to me. miss you so much, get well soon. oh yeah, and i'll see you soon too.

later...

p.s; i wonder how my parents look now, all grey haired?

T-5

2005-08-07T00:49:00.000+01:00

wooooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooo...!!!

..nuff said!

without the idiot box, i go blank....

2005-08-06T23:04:00.000+01:00

i love it when i just go blank, completely nothing crossing my mind. its a sensational feeling, no wait, how can i say its sensational, when i feel and think of nothing? okay lets just say the after math of feeling nothing is beautiful. numb, is the word.

now i get it, you know how when your limbs go numb, its great how you don't feel a thing but if it stays numb for far too long it'll start to hurt, and then when there is blood flow, you get a really tingling feeling thru the limb. i guess thats how your brain works too but then again, i wouldn't know considering how little of it i've come to discover in myself.

i was watching this program called 'OverHaulin', its like 'Pimp My Ride' but just that this one involves stealing you car from you. so its like 'Pimp My Ride' meets 'Punk'd'. which is really awesome man, especially since all the show i've watched so far involves the big American muscle cars. then there is another show just like this one (minus the car stealing part) called 'Ride with Funk Master Flex', this show is cool cause they involve celebrities and their cars. like today they took Queen Latifah's GTO and gave it a really awesome paint job, complete change interior and and do i have to mention they put in a big block, argh argh argh, it was beautiful. then they showed about this guy, who is the offensive line backer for the New York Jetz, he has a collection of Corvettes and most of them are from the 60's and 70's. i love those 69 Corvettes, it is one amazing car.

okay, i need to get a grip of myself, i'm starting to rev like an engine as well. so i haven't touched a car in almoooooost a year and i can't wait to, but then i..i....i love driving, not the same way anymore, never the same...

T-6

2005-08-06T00:58:00.000+01:00

oh my god i am in so much pain, MY WRIST FUCKING HURTS. well like causin said, no pain no gain. right so, why is the pain good again? pain junkie, someone once said i am a pain junkie, though i hate pain, i often get myself loads of it.

so i've packed, boxes shipped, shopped a little, what else?

beep! beep!

2005-08-04T20:39:00.000+01:00

you know Wile E. Coyote really needs to re-think strategy, (don't mind me, i just had 4 hours of Looney Tunes)

but seriouly Coyote is one loyal customer, even though all the ACME products he has ordered has never worked he still goes out and gets more. i wonder if he went to MIT, cause man he can really come up with some awesome looking blue prints. and that damn bird can't do anything but go 'beep beep' and yet it cracks me up all the time. this can only come in second to Tom and Jerry.

i'm on a channel filled with nostalgic memory, The A-Team, Miami Vice, Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. remember Manimal and Automan or how about the famous Knight Rider. i particular love it when they played Seinfeld. i had a huge crush on Julia Louis-Dreyfus (i think i still do =P)

T-7

2005-08-04T16:06:00.000+01:00

Muahahaaha Muahahhahaha Muahahhahaa
(don't ask why i am laughing like Skeltor...)

so i went to the tattoo shop and made an appoitment for tomorrow. of all the tattooes i wanted i've decided on only one design and those go on my wrist. i'm pretty sure i'm gonna get looks from a few people when i come home. i still remember agruing with a policeman about using the hands-free kit, and i was wearing a sleeveless T, the other officers were just staring at my arm. i still don't get the idealogy of 'tattoes = in a gang'.

speaking of which finally a lot of people have confesed to me that i have a stern look that sends shivers down peoples spine, which is why i usually give out a bad first impression. 'you only get one chance at first impressions, so don't fuck it up', words of my dad, but i never believed in first impressions, its simply said, trying to con someone of your true self, right? i'd rather be judged an idiot for who i am than lie and be judged a superstar. (now i know why parents usually hate me). i always say this to my friends when they take me home, i've only met one parents whom after meeting me, they still liked me or didn't tell their son to stop mixing with me, and thats my own parents. i really still can't understand it, but i guess i probably never will understand.

so hey, i miss playing pool till the break of dawn, hey Nippu, Jaya, Navein and Sara (if he still remembers me) hows about another few sessions of midnight runs? of course i miss driving too. come next week it'll be exactly a year since i touched the steering wheel, could be a lot worst, A LOT WORST...

hey Eleanor i went to almost toy store i see and i still haven't found neither Wallace nor Gromit, though i hope you know their movie is due out in Oct, 'Curse of the Ware Rabbit'.

okay now need to go find something to munch on, later...

Alive, Hotel Rwanda, Black Hawk Down, Cast Away

2005-08-03T04:53:00.000+01:00

this is really ridiculas but i had this dream like 3 days ago. i tell you i get the worst and most hilarious dreamss of all and i have to get dreams like this before you know when...

so i've boarded my flight to come back, beautiful night, everything is going pretty smooth. until suddenly the plane starts to shake furiously, the pilot announces that they are gonna try to attempt an emergency landing. we're flying somewhere over Africa. and so the plane actually goes down, its like abumpy roler coaster ride. now all off a sudden there is a phone in-front if me, the kind you get at home, i pick it up and i call...(i'll give you 3 guesses) but the line didn't get thru. so i brace myself for death, fasten my seat belt and i actually look upward to say a prayer, (this is hilarious, me being a hindu and all) i say a prayer, cross myself and say (get this) Amen.

but here is where the twist lies, my seat breaks off the and get stuck in between the door and a couple of seats, then the door gets ripped off, and i fly out of the plane, landing in a swamp. i manage to get myself out of the swamp and look at the scene of the flight burning and plowing into the jungle like a ball of flame, lighting up the entire night. i end up being the sole survivor.

oh yeah, cool dream, doesn't end there...

i get rescued and hey take me to a medical centre, which turns out to be the hotel in Rwanda during the Rwanda Masacre. just great, out of the pan and into the fire. but then, to save guess who turns up, the UN, just like the way the turn up at the end of the movie, 'Black Hawk Down'. the soldiers were Malaysians. so then i finally get back to Malaysia, and they actually set up a press meet to greet me, just like in Cast Away.

i either need to sleep more or need more Guinness...

The War of The Worlds

2005-07-31T22:48:00.000+01:00

okay, after soooooo much hype from the trailers, and the review after review after review, the continious playing of 'the making' on tv, then the re-runs of the 50s' version on tv, the huge premier in London with Tom Cruise flatering the red carpet, i finally watched the movie.

the entire movie is just buildings falling over each other and people getting scorched and becoming dust. you know i'm old fashion when it comes to movies, i like to watch a movie where people converse, i wanna see one person express himself with words and facial gestures to another person, i wanna feel his emotions thru his words, so after watching a movie where the first half of the movie the only dialoge goes, 'Robbiieeee.......!!!!' and the second half of the movie the only dialoge goes 'Raccccccchellll....!!!!'

but the one thing that hit me at the end of the movie (no actually at the beginning of the movie) is that we're made for all this shit, built for the kill. god made us like the perfect weapons and he armed us with the most dangerous of substances, all around us at our disposals. then the entire movie (maybe because the past few weeks my mins has been surrounded by death and horror epics of peoples lifes), i started to wonder about the fixations we have on our fears, mainly with death. now we have a fixation, or a mind set that we will die one day, right, yet we have a fiction beyond imagination that even after death we still exist, dead being completely wiped out of exitence and the believe we have a soul and the acknowledgement of the spritual world. how does the two mix? does it even exist? even if it does exist how did we come about to discovering it?

i took an example, the fixation upon beauty in this world. this is what makes us shallow and judgemental but the fiction in us is what gives us a wide range perspective to what circums to everything that we presume or relate to as beauty. we tend to forget what we think or how we think, but sometimes something just overwhelms us and makes us appreciate what we feel or percieve with our emotions, or even what we sometimes see with the naked eye. how do we expain this phenomenon? i call it the 'fiction theory'. we've seen to many colors, too many cartoons, too many prince charmings, too many bibles and scriptors, it all gives us ideas and fantasies. then the reality of what we see or focus with our retinal vision makes us fight these images or ideas with the fixations of what the eye likes and the stream feeding these images to the brain, that is actually secretly telling our feelings 'to shut the fuck up, listen to your eyes'. which is why we tend to like the things we see we tend to crave to materials we come by in the daily world and we all like to think that this is what is beautiful and important. but is it? even if it is, why? and why not? who is to say its right or wrong? who makes the final call?

when a ball spins and comes to a halt position, we claim the energy that spun it, didn't end but merely dispursed into another form of energy particals and is still in existense, if we can except this, why can't some of us except life after death. for after all we humans are just a huge pile of an energy force, aren't we? i think we are, cause we don't run on baterries nor do we have to stick a petrol pump up our asses. so what keeps us running, whats the fuel we use, food is just like our timing belt and water is still like water. i know it all sounds easy but it becomes compliccated when we can't see it or the fact that involves emotions and thoughts and unforseen behaviour, also not to forget, we are at the end humans, something sacred He created, so we are beyond mere understandings or our comprehension, gee whiz eh?

we fight everyday to survive, when we fail to realize that we fight everyday to kill, we're not on the giving end but recieving. the world is actually out to kill us, we're fighting it everyday. we've come to capture it, we've come to conquer it and make it our slaves, but somehow, the world retaliating against us, behind our backs, we just don't really give a shit or completely oblivion to it. once again, is it? even if it is, why? and why not? ever thought about it this way, maybe we're the aliens, we've been here far too long to remember where we came from or why we came in the first place, and the ants ever since have gone into hidding, they've learnt to escape our punishment between the scales of our shoe souls, occasionally the get one of us, then its a TGIF down there.

i'm not making sense even to myself...

see if we were not suppse to be here in the first place, why is it our addaptation is so perfect to this 3rd world from the sun, why is the these resources we dry up are the key to our very existence. was there like a blue planet? we kinda liked the grass on the other side of the bridge? i have to say, i like the idea, we fought to stay here and we're still fighting, everyday and every hour of our lives. i wish i was somehow right, or i had a way of proving this. but i extremely concoure with the idea. i mean, you know if you thought there was some force out there that created us and He somehow controls us, every step of the way, he is doing a pretty fucked up job. i'd like to make a complain with union, we need a new foreman.

you'd think i'd mean all this shit, oh ho ho, ther is where this brain of mine get so fucking twisted and fickle, cause then there is this rage of battles that goes on from the back of my head to the left side of my lung;

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO........!!!!!!!!!!!

i will not say He does not exist, i believe in Him and i know He is fucking doing the best he can, if you can do better, i suggest you just take charge of your life, and stop fucking complaining.

i wish, i wish, i wish sooo badly it stopped there, cause God fuck me trice, it doesn't;

if i don't complain, how does he know i exist, if i keep on praising him, i'm just a statistic to him, he needs, no i want him to know i am down here, for fuck sakes look at me! selfish as this may sound i want you to look at me! look down, look up, look something, take my hand into your, and tell me you'll take me there. tell me if i lose my way, you'll holla, tell me if i'm doing the right thing. tell me something you dumb fuck, tell me something...

and it all said and done, i pick up the photo of my princess, and i realize, oh God you've said so much, you've said so much, so beautiful, so many sunshines, so many rainbows, i wish i could hug you, kiss your cheek and thank you, for the beautiful words you've spoken to me, with you greatest creation, love...

have the tides turned?

2005-07-31T15:45:00.000+01:00

last year, at the Hungaroring, Schumacher and Barrichello took a first and second on the podium and they lapped everyone all the way up to 5th place. today Kimi Raikonnen was like a silver arrow we saw in 98, driven by the 'Flying Finn' but he only lapped everyone up till 8th place. cool but obviously Ferrari can do better, (sorry couldn't help it) i had, i just had to considering how bad the Scarlet Moranello team is doing this season. i thought this race they'd be back but even then at the closing stages Schumacher was just losing time, he was lapping 4 seconds slower than the leader, Raikonnen. lets hope they do better after the mid-season break.

oh oh, last night we stayed up all night and talkde ghost stories, damn, nothing scared me, again. so everyone decided to play Spirit Of The Coin tonight. lets see if i get spooked...

Cpt. Jack Sparrow.

2005-07-30T21:53:00.000+01:00

now...if i wasn't straight, i'd drop my pants for him...

i'm watching 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' while i'm writing this, the guy is simply brilliant. but my favorite of all time will always be his performance in 'Blow'. although i have to say his role in 'Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas' was also exceptionally hilarious. then again, every role of his was exceptional...yeah yeah, including 'Edward Scissorhand'.

and so we're there, again...

2005-07-30T17:36:00.000+01:00

this exact date, last year i was still face flat on my pillow with my saliva drooling on one side and my mind drooling on the other, asleep with my eyes wide shut, 'My Immortal' playing on the stereo, my dad asking me if i've done all my banking and visa work done, my mom asking me to eat something, Ricardo asking me to come out of the house and my brains tyring so hard to tell my heart to stop...

and guess what, i'm going back there. i'm actually packing my bags, all excited to go back to that place, yes, that place!! oh God, give me strength, oh God, give me the patience to live it out. hey Big Guy, i just have one thing to ask You, no more surprises please, for fuck sakes Dude i've seriouly had enough and stop giving Yourself a bad name, i've been praising You too much.

i called my parents, they went to see Ricardo earlier but he had left to the burial grounds. thanks guys for showing up for me. i feel completely shitty being so far away from him. i really wanted to be there for him. dude, stop thanking me man, i've seriously done nothing you wouldn't have done for me, just wish i could do more for you and your family.

i wanted to go shopping today but got a little delayed so decided to change my plans. this morning my boxes for shipping my stuff arrived, all i gotta do now and pack and call them, ship it off and i'm all set to board the plane. you know after recieving the boxes, i sat down and watched Formula One, and it was fucking worth it. to hear the commentators after such a long time thru the season screaming out the name M-I-C-H-A-E-L S-C-H-U-M-A-C-H-E-R, and he did pull the Ferrari magic rabbit out of the hat again by taking his first pole of the season, his career 64th (one short of the all time record, set by none other than the great Ayrton Senna). oh man just watching that qualifying lap, and the fact that Ric's dad just past away, i realized how much i missed my dad, moisting up my eyes, i miss him, i miss them all, my mom, my brother poking at me and....

and all this for how long more, how long more? too much words said between me and time, to much time between me and her. too much wind between me and the streets.

later...

split my head open....eat my brains out with a spoon

2005-07-29T22:16:00.000+01:00

that is how my head hurts. ever since graduation i've been having on and off headaches. i guess i'm thinking too much about the future (most probably the past). if ever once there was a time, when i've been so lost as to what to do this would be it. i'm suppose to be excited, and non-stop packing instead i'm like a sub-dued donkey on viagra.

Ricardo's dads funeral is tomorrow. the guys went there today, Ricardo sents his gratitude to all you guys who came, thanks guys. i wish i was there too but i guess its another important funeral i've missed, the first being my grandmothers and now Ric's dad. so please You up there, enough is enough. i've had it up to here with You and Your nonsense!

my causin is coming down again tonight, she seems to be loving Leeds. we loved London and she loved this slump, how weird. i'll be leaving shortly to go get her at the coach station. maybe tomorrow me and her can go shopping around Leeds.

later...

left standing 13,000 miles away

2005-07-28T14:26:00.000+01:00

i got up this afternoon to some very sad news. Ricardo's dad past away, he called and told me. being sleepy and hearing such news i had no idea how to react or what to say to him. i had a good walk in the rain, trying to figure out what to do or say. only to realize, there is nothing i can say or do to make him feel any better.

Ricardo,

i mourn your lost my friend. you are and will always be the unborn younger brother of mine. your lost, is mine too. your father, god rest his soul, has a place waiting for him in heaven. my deepest condolences to you and your family. if there is anything at all me or my family can do, do not hesitate one for second. god bless you and your family man.

i can only shed a tear, from a distance, i'm sorry....

waterfall running thru my village

2005-07-25T15:25:00.000+01:00

now that i'm done with what i set out to do almost a year ago, i get the feeling i'm back where i started. then again i only left home because everything back home only reminded me of the woman i love and that wasn't helping me very much. now i am going back home to the same thing again. can't help wondering that i'll be back in the same heavenly hell. being away from home so long, i've learn to appreciate the little things i left back home, the simple things that i took for granted. now the all seem huge and far too precious to let go.

i watched 'The Fantastic Four' last night, reason why i love movies is cause i love to connect with the movie. the line from the movie when Sue stops Ben as he walks away from a fight with Jonny, he then says;

'Look at me!! You have no idea what i'd give to be invisible...!'

when i go back, there is the thought in my head, you have no idea how i'd wish everything was invisible to me, or i'll be invisible to everything. i wish everything will be different but i know it wont. things will never be different, everything will be the same, feelings will never change. if there's ever once i wanted to go home so badly, its now, if there's ever once i know everything is gonna hurt so badly, i know its now too. i'm not too good at hidding my feelings, i wear my emotions on my sleeves but England has thought me to camouflage very well. i've never learnt to hide my feelings very well. i was always thought to express them. when i'm angry i rage out, when i'm sad i cry, when i'm happy i forget how that feels....

i'm not feeling well right now, i've got a bad headache and i'm burning up. out of the blue i can't helping feeling all the fears i had of returning, all the sins that haunted me are back and i have no where else to run but straigt back into her walls? i'm already roadkill at the steps of those walls, why can't i just get a fair funeral? people, start writing my eulogies, remember to add the words 'crazy mother fuckers' and 'bona fide jack ass'.

oh for gods sakes....

why do i still love her like the way i do, and why are all these feelings pouring in like Niagara Falls, why do i still have to go thru all this again and again and again. i feel like i am DeadMan Walking again.....

tired tired of blogging.....

2005-07-23T23:27:00.000+01:00

god i still have another 2 sets of pictures to post up, still sitting in my drafts. tomorrow la, not tonight. i need a to get myself a nice chilled guinness.

hey who's on for a party on the night i fly down? Ricardo, you organize, Shenn you help him and don't forget to buy me a cake from Marmalade and greet me at the gates with a huge smile.

Stonehenge

2005-07-23T23:06:00.000+01:00

a 5000 year old civil engineering monument, or just a bunch of hillbillies with nothing better to do. being there was suppose to be something spectacular, watching the worlds oldest mysteries, the worlds oldest engineering breakthrough. but it wasn't, somehow i have to say it wasn't really that fascinating. i just told myself it was something i had to see before i leave this god forsaken coutry. somebody pls tell me it is, ya.....

okay...pack it in cowboy, this ain't my Alabama.

London Under Threat

2005-07-23T22:45:00.000+01:00

i was there. okay okay not for the 07/07 but i was there last thursday when they had the second attack. phew it was frantic. not scary scary but everything was chaotic, fire engine's blasting away on one way and police cruisers streaking down the streets on the other...

this dude was filming me, i hope he doesn't think i'm an suspect?!

one station away from the bombing...

i was there, i've seen it all.....

Southern Indian life in London....

2005-07-23T22:19:00.000+01:00

i love Dosa's or Thosai's, which ever way you wanna call it, but i just love them. roast them, butter them, soak them in curry and chutney which ever way you want you just bring it over and i can eat an easy dozen. now imagine being in this God forsaken bloody land of the English, imagine my cravings for my moms nice round, soft, thick ever so flunky dosa's...

becareful what you wish for....Chennai Dosa

drool you worthless ones...

updates updates...

2005-07-23T22:05:00.000+01:00

i just updated my blog, with the Bradford Mela pictures, go check it out...

Bradford Festival 2005 - Mela

sorry guys it took so damn long and don't ask me why it took so long. too many beautiful pictures to choose from.

is it too early to start singing?

2005-07-19T20:03:00.000+01:00

you know ever since last thursday, there a lot of things running thru my head. theres always that huge thing thats always on my mind, then there are those few small ones like; theres the i'm 25 fucking years already, i need to get myself a job thought. theres the i need to pay up my credit card bills thought. theres the shopping for the people i know (and Shenn the ties are not that nice in person) thought. theres the part of packing all my stuff here and saying all my goodbyes thought. theres the thought of if i've really made friends here or just people who were with me for the ride thought.

job and bills, i'm not so worried about this one. why i have no fucking idea. i should be very worried with this one. especially since i kinda stretched my credit card to limits. my dad is not gonna be very happy when he sees the bill at the end of the month. my mom on the other hand will be happy to see the things i've bought, heahehahe....

i really have no idea what the fuck to buy the people at home (no no, its okay guys. i know there the bunch of shameless people who is gonna put a list of gifts they want on the comments). i did buy some really cool stuff when i went to York yesterday. btw York is the most historical place in England. castles and huge church, wait, what to do call a huge church?

i hate packing, enough said. i miss my mommy.......

the people i've spent my last 11months here, are they my friends or are they just here for the ride? i dunno. time will tell. are they important in my life? yes they are. some of them thought me something, some of them were just there to give me a smile. some of them slapped me across the face and called me a liar. some of them told me the truth about me, myself and i. am i making sense here? i guess i just have seperation anxiety?

mom, dad, if you're reading this, get ready for a big hug and a huge sloppy kiss, i love you guys.........errrrrm (should i write this??????)

tick tock tick tock....

should i or should i not, oh what the fuck...when have i stopped to think if i should or shouldn't say something.....

errrmmmm...

i love you too.....princess

Happy Birthday Bloggie....

2005-07-18T10:16:00.000+01:00

one whole fucking year, wow. i've seen tears and laughs thru you. a lot of discoveries, yes yes, too many realizations. one whole fucking year....

2005 Leeds Metropolitan University, School Of Technology Graduation

2005-07-16T03:17:00.000+01:00

we've done it. its all over.....

ofcourse we had to pose a little with our families. i wish mine was there but all everybody made me feel everyone was there. okay okay, i'll be honest, its nothing like having your mom and dad there, miss you guys soooooooo much.

Hellboy, T.J., me and Mephisto....

those two idiots in the middle are my lecturers

don't i just look so damn goooooooooooooooooooooooooood......

my cousin came down, she's the one next to me

the BEng (HONS) Manufacturing Engineering group, except for Mohan, sesat case....

me and Mohan, the dude is such a poser. (but i have to admit, he has been one of my closest friend during this past one year)

hey guys, i've graduated, what do i do now?

chance favours the brave

2005-07-15T20:50:00.000+01:00

i'm done....

finally....

2005-07-14T04:02:00.000+01:00

in 6hours time, i'll be a graduate, i dunno what to say....

H.E.A.T.

2005-07-13T02:01:00.000+01:00

so farking warm, can't sleep, need to sleep, want to sleep, pls god help me sleep, did i mention i love to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...

birthdays....

2005-07-12T21:41:00.000+01:00

so many people's birthday on this month, i noticed i realized i know a lot of people born in July and April. this month, how many are there, 4 i can remember.

well here goes, July 7th, My uncle Ambi's birthday, July 10th my causin Esvari, July 13th my aunty 'chitti' and July 14th my uncle Vijay. happy birthday to all of you guys. hope you all have a great birthday and all the happiness. i think there is more birthdays coming right, if my memory serves me right, or wrong....

if i'm forgeting somebody, plsssssss, forgive me.

Love Is In The Air.

2005-07-12T07:09:00.000+01:00

i have been known as the devil, they say i doctor all my pictures, they say i bluff my ass out when i write my comment. they say all i do is to destroy their image. so this time i'm just gonna let my camera speak for itself. but i dedicate this post to love. love is definitely beautiful, especially when you have just found it....

sue me....................................

the preperations...

2005-07-12T07:07:00.000+01:00

we know graduation is near and we all know that we wanna look good for it, so....

this is Mohan'a hair before, yes its Mohan and no we didn't hire a Black Afro dude to pose for the shot! (and why is he so interested in watching that show?!)

this is his hair after straightening it, yes i agree he looks whimpy...(he loves to pose, such a poser)

then the guys went shopping, getting their suits, shoes, ties....

oh yeah, even Mahesh straightened his hair

oh God! even Sachi was forced by Subha to straighten his hair. Sachi is our guest of honor.

so with all this done, i have to ask, does it make us look any better or make us get a better grade, no but yet we do it, why? cause it happens once in our lives. like the MC said, even marriage we have to share the spotlight with someone else!

tick tock...30 and all

2005-07-11T12:05:00.000+01:00

times a wasted, gotta get packin'

before i start to say anything, i just wanna say hello to my good old buddy Karma. fuck you Karma, as much as we hate each other, you just keep showing up at my doorstep. so fuck you, fuck me...oh we're both fucked, considering how i consider you MY friend!

which brings me to how i hate shaving, I FUCKING HATE IT. oh, did i mention i had to be born Indian, the hairy brothers of us mankind. oh, then there's the 5 o'clock shadow of mine, which kinda looks like a week of without shaving for some people. oh yeah, fuck you again Karma.

i'm going shopping again and no you're not invited you dumb fuck, Karma but i'm pretty sure you're gonna come with anyways. you idiot, can't you get a hint, leave me alone, for just one fucking second.

by the way, do you think i should go with the dark colors or light colors, need to pick out a shirt and tie for graduation (i'm thinking dark)....

p.s; fuck you Karma and i love Dennis Farina...

ding dong bell, pussy in the well...

2005-07-10T02:41:00.000+01:00

KAPOOOOW..!!!

thats the last thing i remember after stepping out of the bath tub. i fell in the tub after taking shower. auch, my head kinda hurts, i blacked out for a few minutes, lucky Sachi was there to help me up. weird how i manage to get up and open the door cause i have no recollection of doing it. you know i was so bloody lucky i fell on the other end of the tub, cause the opposite end was where the taps are! i could have hit my head and split my brains open. I COULD HAVE DIED! you know this is exactly what they call a cruel irony, God is definitely a fucking genius. almost year ago, just weeks before leaving for the UK, i was in an almost a tragic car crash (my car was so banged up, my parents sold it off), i spent 3 days in the hospital. you know when i got out of the car, i hwas so shaken up, i sat down on the curb for a few seconds, then i got up and said something like this;

'Why can't you do things right, if you're gonna kill me, do it right. if you want me, you gotta come get me yourself, your angels of death aren't exactly doing a bang up job here!!! hey God, listen to me, pls, for fucks sakes, FUCKING TAKE ME!!!'

but today, after realizing i could have died (i mean, if my head went driving into the taps) just a few weeks before leaving for home (again, a journey thats been far too long coming), a place i've been dying to go to in all my life, i turn around and say;

'hey you up there, i owe you one, cheers buddy. you're a real fucking genius man. though i took so long to see it but you've finally showed me, my life is important. hell yeah, you've pained me so bloody much but i get it, life's full of shit but its also full of beautiful colors. sometimes you just got push the shit aside a look at all the pretty colors. fill MY pockets with some rainbows too...'

hey 'Big Guy', stop writting love stories on the sea shores, i coming home....

Saber Rider and the Star Sheriffs

2005-07-09T21:56:00.000+01:00

i just remembered one of my favorite cartoons, don't question me. it was cool, as i was browsing, i found even this, 'Starcom - The U.S. Space Force'. i still have all the action figures or toys as we call it.

the icing on the cake (with or without cherry)

2005-07-08T18:53:00.000+01:00

you know whats the best thing about having friends, its all about sharing. i mean, its easier to share a lot of things to strangers but theres never that satisfaction of a burden release when you tell your problems to an anonymous, or your computer screen. but looking your friend in the eye, listening to one another, sharing your thoughts and opinions, its simply beautiful.

the question sometimes arises, can you talk about the things you share with your confidant, with the woman you love, or the man you love. i mean it should be that way. you should be able to say anything to the ones you love, right? there shouldn't be any secrets between you guys, i dunno but i've always felt the more honest you are in a relationship, the deeper it can go. but thats not often the case now is it?

i remember a line from a movie, 'i found my lover in my best friend' but i like it 'i found my best friend in my lover'. errmm, no Ric, i'm not asking you out or anything. oh what the fuck, you are my bitch anyways.....

(oh screw the damn title....)

2005-07-08T10:10:00.000+01:00

last night on my way to my friends house, i saw a bunch of teens playing ball by the street. no big deal there, i mean, even i've done that. here is the catch; this is one of the most busiest streets around my area and IT'S FUCKING DOWNHILL! the cars coming down aren't gonna have enough time to stop, the damn momentum is just gonna drive them forward. okay okay, here is the best part. knowing this, i repeat, knowing this, these teens are playing. i over heard one of them saying something about how it'd be like if one of the cars couldn't stop in time when they run out to pick the ball. you know what was the reply one of them gave, 'oh fuuuck off, just pass it here..'

so while i was waiting there, the only thing running thru my mind was, pls pls pls, let it be a First double decker bus!!! yes, you read it correctly. these piece of street scum don't appreciate their lives, then get their brains splattered over the windshields of an innocent driver, guess what happens, the driver gets himself into a lawsuit, loses his driving privileges and more shit follows. so i say, ram 'em down. though the black kid had some pretty impressive foot work, it would be sad to see such good talent go splat...!

now just as my 'Grim' mood was phasing out of my brains, walk by these two 15year olds, followed by a 6 year old (i'm just guessing their ages by their looks). now the 6 years old yells out, 'where are we going?'. so naturally one of the older ones said, 'Tescos, you little twerp, now shut up and hurry up!'. the cute little 6 year old (trust me she was adorable, dressed up in all pink, dragging her little ButterCup doll behind) then asked, 'why are we going to Tescos?'. now this part, was the wake up call for the devil in me. thank god, i really wasn't Grim or some super villain (Professor Chaos sounds nice, heahehahe...). the older sister, if she is even her older sister turns around and says, 'to buy smokes, what else. now will you just shut the fuck up, and come on!'. the look on that cute little 6 year old, she was like mumbling something and just following her two good for nothing 'sisters'. why wouldn't a child get spoiled in this country if thats the kinda care they get at this tender age.

for a few seconds there, i looked up and said, you know i kinda see the logic in bombing them down. i don't mind if you kinda accidentally bomb me as well, just wait until Michael Schumacher retires, deal?

oh you think the story is over, its far from over......

so the bus finally comes after 45minutes of waiting (yes, 45 fucking minutes). so i get on the bus, and since i didn't have change, i put out a 10pound note and say, 'HareHills please'. the driver eye balls me, and says, 'yeah and where do you wanna get off in Harehills?'. not that it is any of his mother fucking business but i told him and he has the nerve to ask me that doesn't cost a 10ner. you stupid dumb shit of human scum, all you had to say was that i have no change of something like that. instead the wise ass had to use sarcasm. i bet you that monkey, never even finished high school, beats on his wife, has a bunch of doped up kids and his only achievements was downing a pint last weekend at the local pub.

i guess that was all i could take of this fucked up place, i burst at the driver. i told him if you don't even have change for a damn 10pounds, you might as well go park your damn bus next to your favourite pub, drink yourself silly, then drive off the M62. that wanker had the guts to put his hands on his waist and eye ball me again. i couldn't be bothered, though he'd probably tower over me if he gets up, i just told him to give me a day rider and hand over the change. surprisingly he did. on my way to the back of the bus, one black woman looked at me and smiled. i guess i must have did something she wanted to do in a long time.

you see now, why i hate this country!

btw, i'm going shopping later. not very manly to say but hey, everybody loves a little shopping, right. i dunno if i can find myself a nice shirt and tie. this is where i really miss my mom. up till the time i came here, i have never been shopping without her. the first time ever i went shopping without her was when i went to do some last minute shopping, remember that Ric. do you still have the vase i bought. you keep that thing as precious as you can, i mean it! i still miss her, very much.

later...

London went kabooom...

2005-07-07T17:32:00.000+01:00

don't worry guys, i'm fine. safe and sound in Leeds, far far away from London. mails have been pouring in my inbox, my phone has been ringing non-stop. relax guys, don't worry. things like these are bound to happen everywhere, since we live in a world that is a potential danger to ourselves.

"you bomb me, i bomb you. and a bomb bomb there and a bomb bomb here, bomb bomb bomb everywhere bomb..."

More Than Meets The Eye

2005-07-07T06:33:00.000+01:00

feel like a kid again, just downloaded the movie. good times, watching cartoons with my brother. come to think of it, the only passion me and my brother shared was cartoons. though he still watches them like there is nothing else to life. everytime he gets the remote the first channel he jumps to is the Disney channel. did i mention he is 28, hehahehae...

WHM 4566

2005-07-06T22:41:00.000+01:00

i slept the whole day, it was so nice. i got up around 8am, turned around, slept again. got up again at noon, slept back again. i only like got off the sofa some 6pm plus. i was supppose to to go the city council but i don't think they're open after 5pm. so just continued to sleep back again.

i watched Amadeus last night, awesome show. in case those of you who don't know, its the story of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. i didn't know until i saw the credits, the music was by John Strauss. go watch it guy (if you haven't watched it before), its like an 80's movie, i think.

today i had that same dream, this Indian actress, keeps stealing my car. she stole it from my house and drives it to Coffee Bean in Bangsar. then i go and steal it back from her. i drive off to my moms place, she steals it again and drives my car straight to Penang. my cousin sees my car on the streets and calls me. i fly up to Penang and steal it back again. she is good, she some how manages to steals it back from me at the highway rest stop. that was like a movie scene, she steals it and gives me a flying kiss and i'm chasing after it 'My car!!! thats my car..!!!'. you know whats the weird thing, my parents sold off my car, after i left to come here, so the car is technically no more. hey Ric go take 4D, heahehahae....

i wanna go watch 'Detroit Rock City' now, later...

this website has been hacked...

2005-07-05T23:54:00.000+01:00

two day ago, after the wimbledon finals were over and the French GP, i wrote about it on my blog. it was quite a long post as well but by night, the post disappeared. no, i'm not making it up. i thought it was my imagination at first then Ashlin (thank you) read it too, so it wasn't like the spider, this was real. i wonder how (or who...) this could have happened? i mean, unless someone deleted my post, there is no way this could have happened, right? there is just no logical explanation to this? so who is this unpaid editor for my blog? my guess is, its some sports journalist stealing my work! curse you ESPN wannabe!!!

well anyways....

just little more than a month and i'll be back home, back into the arms that fed me. i'll be hanging out with my childhood friends, chilling in places i grew up in, meeting the blogger kaki's (though i'm a little scared of the torture part...).

i need to start packing. i need to get myself a nice shirt and tie for graduation. my cousin will be coming with me, take her out, show her around leeds. spend some last quality times or should i say 'chill out' sessions with my buddies, Raj, Mohan, Mahesh. can't forget Sachi and Subha, Sachi is one hilarious man. Subha's cooking will indeed be missed. i definitely need to spen time with my housemates, Basil, C.G., Kumar and Raj (not the same as the earlier mentioned). oh yeah, maybe even friends who don't speak to me anymore, Sara. i mean, i don't have any pent up anger or misunderstandings with him, hope he comes around. call me sometime dude, we'll meet up.

now, the first thing i wanna see when i reach Malaysian soils is your sorry ass, Ricardo. i don't wanna hear excuses, work, car exploded, leg broken, none of those or i'll personally rip your balls off then go wash my hands with dettol and holy water! then we go have fun yeah, paint the town Tequila. have ourselves some Nasi Kandar, Roti Canai then we go party again, paint out faces again and end up eating Dim Sum for breakfast, sounds like pretty nasty date but i'm up for it, so long as you wear those leapard print thongs i love so much. then you can kick my nuts, call me a monkey's uncle and, send me home...

fears of our own addaptation...

2005-07-03T22:04:00.002+01:00

we need not grow
we need not change
we need not expect
we need just accept

life is full of bullshit and too much conceptions of material and media ramblings. we truly are a lost civilisation. a world that is so far ahead in technology, yet so far behind in humanity. what we truly are to oursefves, sometimes aren't even clear to us, sometimes aren't even true to us. errmm...what was my point again?

anyways, still at Sachi's place, chill out baby, chill out.

i'm sick of everything, i'm just surrounding myself with friendly faces right now, to keep me going from a day to day. just expecting the sun to rise everyday has become a routine. get up check for sunlight, check the date, go back to sleep.

i miss you guys back home, mom, dad, you too Ric and yes, i miss her too....take me home, slumber queen, take me there, where the water is sweet and the nector is mine.

40....

2005-07-02T01:39:00.000+01:00

so the finals, of all people Venus Williams vs Lindsay Davenport (no suprise there). for the mens, hey come on, was there any doubt Roger Federer wasn't gonna make it? Roddick is still on the way, coming in, just still hasn't cleared Thomas Johansson, due to rain.

enough of Wimbledon (again)...

yesterday, was my friend Gopi's birthday, so happy birthday dude. we need to meet up when i get back dude. remember the time when we used to go racing dude, oh man. those were the good days. all that turbo noise and revs still ringing in my ears. remember the time we went checking out that Skyline V-Spec and the owner released his dogs on us, damn.

right now i'm just spending my time, chilling out till graduation. i need to start packing my bags and few stuff to send them back via shipment, most of all my jackets. i think i have around 10 or 12 jackets. no point carrying them in my luggage. my books and stationary, those definetely need to go home via shipment, too bloody heavy.

you know, when i get home, i need to have a hug session, i need to hug everyone important in my life. i'm in bad need of a friendly...no, of a genuwine hug. dreams of my home, again.

later...

p.s: everynight i'm having the same dream. an actress stealing my car.

take me home....

2005-06-28T12:56:00.000+01:00

the Federer express continues, trashing thru Ferrero. Andy Roddick is no spring chicken either, breaking the competitions fastest serve record, 147mph, it was sad i had to see Clijsters go out of the tournament. she was definitely no match for Davenport. Sharapova is still in it though. lets see how things roll out for the finals. but i've found myelf a new womens champion, definitily Kim Clijsters, love her never die spirit, and her trade mark split to chase every ball down.

enough about Wimbledon...

yesterday was Subha's bday, we celebrated it at midnight on sunday. it was fun. then we all danced a little, drank a lot, sat down and talked. it was nice. i still haven't uploaded the pictures though. so much pictures to upload. even the Mela pictures are still withMohan. once i get them all, i'll promise to upload them...

my mom said its okay if i wanna grow my hair, so its back to long hair look. oh yeah, btw congratatulations Eleanor on getting in to that M-IFA (did i get it right?) thingy. hope you do well. as for me, i'm counting my days to my flight back home. have you ever lost a sense of all thats homely. you know where everything is so fake and dry. nothing is built upon trust and love. i'm there right now. take me home, dreams every night....

The Federer Express.

2005-06-25T15:46:00.000+01:00

i think i should have just been a sports journalist instead. of all the sports out there i practically watch a 3rd of them. the worst thing for a sport addict like me is when my passion gets the better of me. when Mic Doohan had left the sport, it took me almost 4 years before i could recognize myself with the sport again. when Jordan left the NBA, naturally the adrenaline watching the sport kinda spured away, until i could finally click with Jason Kid. i even almost became a beach soccer follower when Cantona left Manchester United. but thats the beauty of sports, it somehow pulls you back in, passion or no passion. sometimes the love for the game just brings you closer to the game rather than the player or the team. when Senna died in 94, i thought i was the end, how little did i know i just took to Schumacher like water, but ofcourse i had already loved his driving style since 1991, when i watch this huge battle between him and Hakkinen in the Formula 3. same goes to tennis....

after Pete Sampras retired, i just followed the tennis without a champion to cheer for. there were many champion around, Agassi, Hewitt, and ofcourse the much thought of as Sampras' successor Patrick Rafter. but they just weren't there with the power and passion, the ice cold game Pistol Pete had brought to the game. today i watched Roger Federer play against Nicholas Kiefer. as much as i thought that Wimbledon would be an Andy Roddick, i think i change my mind. over the years i have had a thing for Federer's game play and today he proved why. he is not a powerful player, he relies on his smart plays. something Roddick can learn from. Roddick is on court now, crusing, no no actually serving his way pass Igor Andreev. i'm expecting an all high ranked finals for the mens. afcourse i can't discount Lleyton Hewitt, who is still hanging in there. the rest of the top seeded players are all out of the tournament. Henman is out, Nadal is out, Safin is out too. Ferrero is still there though, but i don't think for long, his next match is against world no.1 Federer in the 4th round.

for the womens, i'm just a little not that buzzed as to who i wanna see in the finals. since my favorite player Jennifer Capriati is not in the tournament. she's out with a shoulder injury till august, thats when the US Open starts. naturally the next best thing to want would be to see the defending champion Maria Sharapova or the 1st seed player Lindsay Davenport, but none of them revs me up, when i watch them play. Capriati was the WTA badgirl, scolding the umpire, fighting with the ball girl. last year at the US Open she even demanded that the blimp flying over the court be moved away, as it was distracting her, she's funny. i think i'll go with Kim Clijsters for this years Wimbledon. she's a machine, iced cold, out there doing her business, always in the zone. but i dunno how much her wrist operation would affect her game. saw her play and blew away Roberta Vinci in a straight sets win. her next match would be against Davenport herself, lets see how she does with that match on Monday. Williams sisters don't look like the force they were a couple of years ago. one player who looks like she is playing the best ever tennis of her career is Amelie Mauresmo, she is just unbelieveable here this year. lets hope she gets into the finals as well. but i have to say the 18 year old Indian, Sania Mirza, she played good too, and she was so cute, asking the umpire, 'what was wrrrroooong....'

BBC is being a racist farts of a channel, only broadcasting the british players matches, frankly besides the UK no one gives a shit about Andy Murray or Tim Henman. we wanna watch more of Roddick, Federer and Hewitt and those good matches, like the one between Popp and Arthurs, that was one hell of a match, also the one between Garcia-Lopez and Djokovic. well can't expect much. even Formula One they keep focusing on Jenson Button, but thats itv1. i guess its the same everywhere, even TV3 was only focusing on the Saubers in 1999. which was so horrible to be watching it from the stands, as we wanted to see the battle between Hakkinen and the returning from a broken leg Schumacher. can't complain much, this is sports. love it as it is but hate the game not the player.

i miss watching sports, from the comfort of my sofa...

Baby Come Back

2005-06-24T18:01:00.000+01:00

by Pato Banton

Come back, baby come back!
Come back, baby come back!

This is the first time until today
that you have run away
I'm asking you for the first time baby
love me enough to stay
Hey, hey, hey...

I must admit I was a clown to be messing around
but that doesn't mean that you have to leave town
Come Back! Yes and give me one more try
cause a love like this should a never ever die
Come Back! Yes with my color TV
and my CD collection of Bob Marley.
Come Back! Yes with my bag of Sensi
and we can live together for eternity

There ain't no use in you crying
'cause I'm more hurt than you
I should a not been out flirting
but now my love is true
Ooh, ooh, ooh...

Come back
(every time me think of my lies)
baby come back!
Come back
(every time me think of my lies)
baby come back!

But she gone and she not come back
me beg her please pon my knees and she still never stop
ready she ready ehe and a gone she gone
she and...

Come back baby don't you leave me
baby please don't go
Oh won't you give me a second chance
baby I love you so
Oh oh oh...

Come back woman
Come back Lisa!
Don't leave!
Me crying man
Come back baby!
Don't go!
Bring back me CD collection
Bring back me Sensi
Don't go and leave me like this

this one goes out to all my blogger kaki's in exile.

Feminine quandary...

2005-06-24T00:05:00.000+01:00

i've always liked my hair short, except for that one time i grew it until way below my shoulders for fun sakes. but lately i'm kinda thinking, lets go with the long hair look. then there's graduation to think about, my moms not gonna be pleased if i show her my photos with that hair style. so, shall i cut my hair or not?

Indianapolis F1asco...

2005-06-23T21:11:00.000+01:00

"A chicane would completely change the nature of the circuit. It would involve an extra session of very heavy braking on each lap, for which the cars had not been prepared. The circuit would also not have been inspected and homologated with all the simulations and calculations which modern procedures require. Suppose there had been a fatal accident - how could we have justified such a breach of our fundamental safety procedures to an American court?" - FIA president Max Mosley

but after all the 'hu ha' finger pointing at everybody, today Formula One had finally printed out the right kinda media attention the sport should have done almost a week ago.

the culprit...

asking the FIA to do changes, is like telling all the athletes at a Olympic 100metres sprint to run barefooted just cause seven of them forgot to bring their shoes or just cause they're barefooted, asking the Olympic Committee to put a bend on track. rules are there for a reason, and it sounds so unprofessional if you keep making them up along the way. you break em'..you pay em'!

Crapper Psychoanalysis

2005-06-23T12:23:00.000+01:00

‘this is Dr. Frasier Crapper, I’m listening…’

Some people read on the crapper, some think, I would fit into with those who would talk to the toilet bowl (Btw Sachi has a huge toilet bowl, don’t you just hate those mini small cute ones?). So besides being 25 and has never achieved anything in my whole damn life, I asked the toilet bowl, why I can’t b more like my dad? Did you know when he was 25 he had bought himself this really cool Yamaha 125cc Superbike? or like my brother, by the age of 25 he was an executive and had bought himself a car. at 25, Michael Schumacher was the youngest ever Formula One World Champion. At the age of 25 what do I have to show for? besides doing the horizontal holka polka with my ever growing beer belly, and a record of 8 Tequilla shots before i start calling the bartender, 'bra tender', my life at this point seems errm..pointless.

you know last week i called my aunty in penang and she was on her way to an engagement, so i told her i'd call her back later but just then she told me i know the girl who is getting engaged, so naturaly the first thing that crossed my mind, 'oh shit, pls don't tell me its someone i slept with....' thank god it wasn't, but it was someone i held as a baby. she was a baby girl when i was like around 8. she must be only 19 the most. holy fucking peanuts, she's getting married? it doesn't freak me out that i'm getting old or anything, but it sure does scare me, she's so young and i bet you she wouldn't know the first thing about being in a marriage, MY PARENTS STILL DON'T KNOW?! oh well its her choice who are we to judge her, right. so hope she's happy.

oh dear toilet bowl, tell me this now, will i be the old man of the block, where everybody refers to as the 'Formula One Atuk'? i can picture it now, 79, toothless, with a bottle of whiskey, deck chair, a dog named Brutus. rambling to kids passing by about how i was there when the champions first rode into town.

'i remember a time when racing was all about....'

at the rate i'm going, they're only gonna find my body a week later. (vivid imagination i have but check this out), ever wonder what people would say after you kicked the bucket?

Coroner: by the looks of it, the deceased died approximately a week ago, that would be Sunday, around 10pm
Detective: check this out, it says here, the deceased was a Formula One fan
Coroner: yeah so?
Detective: last week was the German Grand Prix
Coroner: you think he died watching it?
Detective: could be…
Coroner: what a way to go, sad lonely old man, does it say who is he’s favourite driver or team?
Detective: what difference does it make; he ain’t gonna watch no more.
Coroner: at the rate Formula One’s going everybody watching, would rather be dead.
Detective: how would you know, you don’t watch Formula One?
Coroner: yeah I don’t but dead people is my business….

okay that just freaked me out, i hope they put a nice warm cloth on the table, those steel tables are bloody cold. but anyways, the toilet bowl told me this, that day is far away, so why bother worrying about it. achivements are for assholes, you on the other hand are a superstar, you don't need records. and besides so what if you die alone, point is one day you ARE gonna die, nothing you can do about that now can you? now grab ourself a handfull of toilet paper and get the fuck off me, Jesus Christ you are heavy. and what the fuck have you been eating, oh man lite a match, and don't forget to flush when you leave. time is up, sessions over.

too much gin in my bladder and too much smoke in my brains, but i'd still like to 'move it move it...'

chill out....

2005-06-22T12:59:00.000+01:00

thats all we've been doing for the past 7 months and now in extremes for the past 2 months. chill out chill out. two bottles of red wine and they become bronco busters,

heee haaaa, ride em' cowboy....

tonight is gonna be another chill out night, and it's gonna be a bachelors night at Sachi's house. so lets unleash the devil, bring the house down and party hard. no one parties like us Malaysians. these british people just drink and die. i think tonight i'll do the cooking, see if i can whip up some of Auntie Raji's magic into the kitchen of Runswick Place...

'i like it, move it move it. i like it, what? move it move it......'

Oh-bla-di, Oh-bla-da life goes on....

2005-06-20T18:04:00.000+01:00

Bra la-la, How the life goes on

well dispite the fact i feel like crap, putting in all that effort on my research paper and being called a cheat at the end of the day. i have to realie one thing, i actually finished my degree. something that has eluded me for far too long. you know something Ric, that masters idea doesn't sound too bad after all (okay, i think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves now).

for now i shall think only about one thing, coming home....

btw, did anyone watch last nights Formula One? oh man, i've seen shit go down before but last night was some F1asco shit there. to watch 14 cars pull into the pit lanes, in retirement just after the warm up lap, that was really some heavy shit. i wont say it was actually fun to see Michael win his first GP of the season like that, but i'll give it out to Ferrari, despite all they raced and they raced each other for real. as for Michelin, they should take some responsibility for their mess, 'Assumption is mother of all fuck-ups'. and the FIA, oh man don't get me started on the FIA. somebody just fire Eccelstone and Mosley. those two are the worst two idiots in the history of Formula One, Alex Yoong could do a better job being president of the federation.

oh well lets just hope we don't have to see things like that anymore.

oh yeah since my, errmmm...how do i say this..my mission here in the United Mothers Of All Thats Fucked Kingdom is over, i shall announce the death of my blog soon. its over guys, i'm done. Houston, i'm coming home

FCUK

2005-06-20T11:29:00.000+01:00

i've been fucked, again! this time as hard as they can and right where it hurts the most. i've been given lower second class for my degree. reason being my project was not of satisfactory with the external verifiers. THAT IS THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE...

everytime i went and saw my supervisor and my project advisor, all they kept saying was how good my project was and how i was on the right track! and now?!! what in the blazes went wrong huh? those bastards are real idiots! aren't they suppose to advise and guide me to satisfy the external verifiers? where the hell did they fucking fail to see that?! can you imagnie my course coordinator saying my project wasn't my work?! when everything from scratch, i mean even the damn design was my own. those bastards, those fucking bastards. i've been fucked and this fucking sucks.

I HATE THIS FUCKING COUNTRY, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, GOD DAMN I HATE IT!!!!

i feel like i wanna screw graduation and just fucking go home. hey Ric, sorry buddy, i disappointed you and myself. this sucks dude, this sucks big time....

Bradford Festival 2005 - Mela

2005-06-19T13:58:00.000+01:00

oooooooooooooooo la laaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

i wanna move into Pakistan, pls pls pls. make me a Pakistani, i'll convert, i'll slice a piece of my meat if i have to. the glory of all the Ladkhis that i've only imagined came together and bite me ASS OFF. the music, the beats, the Ladkhis, the food, the Ladkhis and did i mention the Ladkhis. kitne khoobsorat heh, hai raba hai raba....

life's a beach and then you become bondi....

2005-06-18T23:04:00.000+01:00

the best ever club i've been to, Bondi Beach Club. you pay an entrance fee of 10pounds and then you get limitless servings of drinks. just take your empty bottle to the bartender and she (one hell of a she, she was) will give you another.

check the pictures out, excuse the bad photography its from my camera phone.

see the amount of bottles in the cooler box there, its all yours for the taking.

you see all those people, they are on a turning dance floor...

make your pick, wanna get lucky tonight, booyaaa biatch...

my favorate person in the whole beach club...

okay, now that i've found myself a nice place to visit every monday, lets see if i can find myself a nice place for the rest of the week. oh yeah, one more thing, errrmmm.....i can't remember what i wanted to say.

later....

Leeds Art Gallery

2005-06-17T16:19:00.000+01:00

don't ask me what the fuck i was doing there. after being so bloody frustrated that the results were taking so long, i just wandered into the place. it was actually free to go in and we're allowed to photograph the art. i dunno why art galleries always freak me out. its just a little too spooky for my liking, which is why i think if you ever wanna make a horror movie, do it in an art gallery...

Mother - she freaked me out the most and yet there was something about her thats so calm, can't explain it. maybe i'm just losing my mind...

this dude here just literally scared the piss out of my nuts...

she's just so sad..

this was the biggest painting in the entire gallery

this here is suppose to be the London docks in the 17th century

the all out attack on Mermaids. what is the enthralment for Mermaids, i never saw it...

King Lear and his daughter, when he was imprisoned

now these here is Leeds in 1859, Boar Lane...

i could fool people with this painting, looks as though i went there, doesn't it?

this year young lady is supposed to be supposed to be some General's daughter

i need to find more things to do here till i actually board that flight in August. the more i look around here, the more i meet British scums, the more enraged i get that this country is actually with the richest currency. i can understand the Americans they actually have a history of an industrial revolution and that goes for the rest of Europe, except two England and Spain, the two country who were pirates. they stole everything they have, from Asia, Africa and Egypt. actually we can say America is doing the same thins to the middle east now, huh? WTF am i talking about, politics? damn i am really losing it...

has anybody tried flavoured weed, its like a lollypop that can get you high...

oh yeah btw, my broadband connection has been disabled since the contract has ran out. my new contract starts only on tuesday, till then don't miss eh guys.

later...

frustrations....delayed again!!!!

2005-06-16T00:24:00.000+01:00

my university must be the worst uni in the whole of the UK. yesterday, the results for my course was suppose to be out but due to some delay from the external verifiers, they claimed they couldn't release it yet and those bastards had the cheek to tell us come today. i just came over to check, and guess what? its not out yet. they're now claiming it'll take more than a week to release the results. can you imagine, all the other course results are out, just for us, the Manufacturing Engineering faculty.

you know we're the worst faculty of all. we're the smallest bunch, where all of us are Malaysians but two. then get this all our project supervisors are fucking Electrical Engineering lecturers. you know my supervisor actually admitted to me he doesn't understand about what i was doing for my final year project. dumb ass of an idiot. then i have to talk about my course coordinator, you can catch Osama but you'll never be able to find him in the university. we plan to install a GPRS system up his ass! and the bastard talks about stupid things, even my supervisor. everytime i went to see him in this past one year, he always changed the subject and asked me some stupid question, like about my clothes and sunglasses, and if i smoked? WTF is it his problem....

i can't take it any longer to be here in this God forsaken hell hole. i'm suprised how this country is still surviving, why aren't they extinct from their stupidity. they're like the Dodo birds of the dinosour age. stupid British mother fuckers. when i come home i'll always give my advise to anyone who wants to go abroad and study, DON'T GO! i'm not saying there's nothing to see in this country, there's actually a lot we can learn from the European civilization and see in this continent but the people a fucked up nitwitts...

judgement day.....

2005-06-15T11:22:00.000+01:00

results are out today....

(gulp)

wish me luck guys, leaving now to check em

~The Theater Of Dreams~

2005-06-14T17:56:00.000+01:00

well i'll 'god dammit mother fucking monkeys uncle' tell ya all one thing right now; THIS WILL BE THE BEST DAMN POST I'VE EVER FUCKING WRITEN...

all you reading it are hereby baptised and lifted from the sin of illusions otherwise known as a non Red Devil. i don't care if you're a Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, Catholic and if you're all gonna file a lawsuit against me, i have fucking nothing to lose and all to gain as the Gods of Football will grant me a place among them today. i have seeeeeeeeeen the light and i've toooooooouched the holy grounds and you all can from this day onwards, call me Mr. Red Devil, comprende!

i was feeling low, i had hit rock bottom, i had scraped my every inch of sanity, but then my friend Raj, he came along one day and he asked me a question that made me believe again, made me see the truth of it all once again, he said, "M-satu, lets go to Manchester tomorrow..." and the rest as we say it is HISTORY.

~THE HOLY GROUND~ everybody take a knee...

ladies and gentlemen; The Manchester United, Old Trafford.

Sir Matt Busby, if you don't know him, you can just fucking die and become a snowman

i give you, the East Stand

and the North Stand

the entrance to the (and i'm not making this up) the biggest trophy room in Britain

if you have powerfull eyes, go read and learn about the man who built this house.

the stand to commemorate the Munich Tragedy

where the grass is always greener and guys, be honest, isn't it a view to take in; if not, you can die and become a snowman again...

the old capacity of Old Trafford is 67,000

see those blue covers, extensions to the stadium going on...

yup those blue covers....

the gang, take a wild guess which two aren't Man Utd fans?

oh yeah, they mean it....

home team, baby....

Old Trafford, the first stadium to facilitate the disabled, these are their seats...

these too...

season tickets...

where did i leave of, oh yeah...the new capacity will now be 75,000! eat that Arsenal

~THE CHANGING ROOM~ where champions lay

Ruud Van Nistelrooy - highest goal scoring player in the Champions League

the rest, been there, done that, bought the T-shirt...

their spa...

and this, the warm up room, built after requested by The King, Eric Cantona. it hasn't been used since he left...

the press room...

~THE RED CAFE~ watching the game, having a Bud...

Sit with Legends

the view of the city from the cafe

we then walked thru the tunnel, towards the light.

died and became snowmen ourselves

if you think the tour is over, you are all snowmen already. there's more, there 's a whole fucking lot more, so all you believers, sit tight and hang on to your hats, cause for the grand show, Mr. Red Devil will serve up pictures from the biggest trophy room in Britain. all you Liver'Fool' fans, all you 'ASS'enal fans, all you grown from last nights rain, Chelsea fans, shut the FUCK up. you all know there is nothing in you closets to match this. hey Nirpal, just cause you guys won it this year, doesn't mean you have more than us! Mohan and Basil Bang, sorry to bring you into the picture as well, but just because you guys have built a new stadium, it just means you guys have a lot of EMPTY space! behold, you are about to be cleansed and witness your very own reincarnations in The Trophy Museum

~THE SILVER WEAR~ our bling bling baby...

what was that again Nirpal, we don't have what? you guys have a long saying "We'll never walk alone again bla bla bla...". we say it short and sweeeeeet "TREBLE"

oh look, more bling bling...

yes yes, more bling bling...

yes, those are trophies too...

oopps, more bling bling...

oh Liver'Fool's don't get depressed yet, look look, more bling blinggggggg...

we document our wins too, and there was too many so i'm only showing you ONE!

the road to The Treble...

oh yeah, i'm not lying, the Anfield Museum was filled with these, and i have photographs to prove it.

the history of our strips.

can you tell which is my favorate, i'll show you later...

the International Honours Board and no, the Arsenal fan standing before it is not part of it!

a wooden shield piece carved out by a fan while he was serving time

booooom baby, booom. if i die today, there will be only two regrets, one i still haven't met Michael Schumacher, two....thats a different story. the simple fact that i am satan in real life camouflage has nothing to do with me being a fan of Manchester United, or the fact that they have these many trophies, that huge ground, the money, the glamour. ask any football fan, one driving factor will always be that one special moment and that ONE FUCKING player. my moment, 1999 F.A. Cup semifinal replay against Arsenal, Ryan Giggs scores the winning goal, passing 5 defenders and scoring against David Seamen all by himself. as for the player, i'll end this presentation with the legend, the man, the greatness of it all, shirt out, collar up...

~The King~ the French Revolution...

for this section of the post, i'm not gonna say anything more. my words are merely nothing compared to the greatness of Eric Cantona, Lord Of Old Trafford.

by the way, my favorate strip...

~AU REVOIR~

thats all folk, you have seen the light. you've become one with the fury of hell. you cannot deny it and certainly cannot resist it (much less try and dispute us)...

GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD, GLORY GLORY MAN UTD.....

p.s; oh yeah, go ahead leave you pety comments all you non Red Devils. sticks and stones can break my bones but words...

its sinking it...

2005-06-10T23:45:00.000+01:00

i can feel it, its starting. there is no where to run, no where to hide. its that time of the year, depression time.

lonely, bored, misunderstood and...

kill me now, before its too late, later.

Happy Birthday Wai Keong...

2005-06-09T19:36:00.000+01:00

hey WK,

i know you and me share one common thing of not giving two cents worth for birthdays but anyways, happy birthday dude. heres raising a Guinness to you, cheers.

"I got in the way of my dreams..."

This Years Love

2005-06-09T19:33:00.000+01:00

by David Gray

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

the soudtrack to the movie 'The Girl Next Door', watch the movie, its hilarious and i think this song is up there in the songs that can melt me...

The Band of Brothers

2005-06-08T05:54:00.000+01:00

do you realize military men always have the strongest of bonds among each other, why is that? i dunno the reason myself but i can speculate. i think its because they are trained to put their lives in each others hands. i think there is this special connection when two men, knowing that at the end of the day, when they have to cross that thin red line, the guy next to them, is not only gonna watch their back, but probably even throw themselves infront of a bullet for them. in a situation where you go thru life and death in instances, in flashes of split seconds, the man standing next to you, sharing it with you, does make it all look more appreciative.

in my life, my infantry, i believe are my Mates (no, not the FARKING british term for every other mother fucker you meet on the streets). my mates, i went and learnt my ABC's together with. the ones i played hide and seek with. the ones i once 'told on' with. the ones i came of age with. my mates, the Methodist Boys School, class of 97'. we were known as the steel monkeys.

we broke the rules,
we trashed the school,
we punished the teachers,
we were destructive creatures....

you know when you know somebody for god damn 18 years of your life and where 11 of them were spent in the same environment, the environment of education, survival of the smartest, the environment of dicipline and demerit points, we had to count on one another. we become some type foreign objects glued together in the heat of the experience, like a meteoroid. we didn't start off like that, we certainly didn't end up like that either but somewhere in between, something clicked. the bond that you shared something for so long. makes you feel you own that person. makes you feel responsible for that person. just like in the army, your 'Charlie Company' for that year becomes your dependants and source of reformation.

you'll only be able to fully understand an individual once he walks out of this 'Charlie Company' of his. like we did, when we left school, and we went our seperate ways, we took with each other something so powerful that it became our very own kyrptonite. we carried a darkside in us, the darkside of the truth. the honesty of the 'Charlie Company' is so overwhelmingly kept inside that is starts to destroy these individuals from the outside in. until the corrosion reaches the core, the individual suffers. he is battered and bruised, he is hated and isolated. when the erosion startes to eat away on the core of the individual, now thats where the magic comes in. the center that holds everything a man is made out of, surges on the inside, and tends to explode. its discharge flowing thru his veins and thoughts, it becomes so emersed that its like an overflow of an electromagnetic power surge that it resets or even turns on a lot things in a man. this hidden reaction inside the core is, in my words, its the 'Charlie Company' honesty.

now thats why army veterans who come back from the war, feel they are useless on the outside. they feel they're never understood, they're a pushed aside an always ridiculed for the things they did and thats when they tend to look up their infantry, go back to being the gangs of warfare. thats why once a military men always a milatary men. you absolutely know, you've reached your 'Charlie Company' yield point when you become power houses of destruction banging so hard on each other but there are no affects what so ever on each other. you'll realize that you are so much of an individual, possess so much of a sense security in you that you are at piece with each other, like the Titans in the Greek mythology. you'll realize that these people make the best Hitlers, they rule with an iron fist. they serve with a higher purpose. they then become once again the 'Charlie Company', they become The Band of Brothers.

i know a lot of you reading this right now, won't understand where all this is coming from, or probably will never understand where and how all this was derived from either. but if you do, you'll probably realize that you too have your Band of Brothers by your sides. you too have enhanced that 'Charlie Company' honesty, that not many in the entire Army could or probably never, understand. for people like us, our problems always come when we meet insecure, unsure, still growing into an individual, people. they tend to get smashed by our brutal honesty. we tend to give out the image of Lucifer to them. but the problem lies not with them for not seeing us as who we are. the problem lies in us, for asuming we can be ourselves with them. they're to green to run with this Juggernauts. in the process of this relationship, two things can happen, you can either get yourself an execellent padawan or you can completely crush his very existance from your archives.

i assume too much and i apologize for that. i live with a fetish for danger and controversy and that destroys my surroundings, i'm like radiation, i'm dangerous, i am bad. i am worst than bad, i'm rotten. stay clear of me and i apologize if you've been nuked but that don't change a fucking thing! i'm still and always fucking will be Rajesvaran Santhana Krishnan the 'Mother Fucker', so don't expect any abjuration for my conducts and don't expect any change to my heterogeneousness ways. the 'Charlie Company' is too strong in me to go sand bagging. i can only grow more powerful, more reactor unstable, more vicious and more of alike my Brothers the Titans...

this one goes out to the Class of 97'

This is Anfield

2005-06-07T23:56:00.000+01:00

and this, is all that is 'Liver'Fool, in a nutshell, hot air!

'Liver'Fool Zone : where Fool's are born and they sell day tickets too...

These are the gear that is given to the Fool's

well, i guess they just rather not wear that ugly looking gear...

even he ran up there years ago, so he wouldn't have to wear the gear.

he was just so wise even back then, so he won't wear the gear, he covered himself in robes. or maybe he is wearing the gear and feeling embarrassed about it, he went and covered himself. yeah, that must be it, thats why the pigeons gave him something to remember on the forehead...

errrm...this has nothing to do with football, i just thought it reminded me of Mufasa from LionKing

The Steps of Greatness, closed for renovations, HAHAHAHAA......

i pity the 'Liver'Fools who thought going there was cool...

and they even bought souvenirs...

even 'Chandramukhi' came but i can't blame her, she's got a personality clash...

as we left the gates of Fool's land...

the Fools were sad...

but they forgot, the Red Devil was there...

calling all Fools, calling all Fools (this includes you Nirpal, Ricardo). i went to the Fool's land today. Sara, remember when you asked me why i agreed to come to 'Liver'Fool and i gave you the 'i'm a brave man' speech. i lied, this is why i came, to humiliate the Fools. i know, i know, i'm going to hell for this but ever since i became a Red Devil, i've always been on a highway to hell.

okay first of all i have to talk about the 'HUGE' Trophy Museum. it was so 'HUGE' it only ended after my fourth blink, now i was expecting it to go for three blinks of my eye. then i also have to talk about the Club Store, which is almost bigger than your local 7eleven. oh yeah, one more thing, did you realize how the toilets are so near the exit to the museum, they must have known how people would run out looking for a toilet bowl to puke in, wow, those 'Liver'Fool people so smart eh?

NOW FOR THE REAL DEAL...

on the 26th of June, i'll show you the Disneyland of Football, it goes by the name of Old Trafford, Theatre Of Dreams. i'll show you what is the meaning of a 'trophy museum' and we don't have a quickymart for a club store either. after that tour, Sara, you being a full blooded 'Liver'Fool, i'll expect nothing less than an all out 'Manchester United Trashing' post on your blog the following day. Ricardo, don't say a word or i'll expose your secret love with Real Madrid (even the Fools can't stand 'Liver'Fool, they are having ouside affairs) and Nirpal, save it for your hairline fractures.

p.s;

1. Sara, the 'comeback Man Utd insult' comment, which i know was already brewing in your head from start, save it for your post on the 26th. besides i can delete your comments.

2. those of you who don't know 'Liver'Fool, its situated in Liverpool, United Kingdom. if you couldn't figure it out before, chances are, you're a Fool too.

3. it is soo sad, that the Beatles, were Fools too.

4. Navein, i know how proud you are of me right now.

Poontang, its all good...

2005-06-05T03:12:00.000+01:00

and don't let anybody tell you any different!!!

there is nothing and i mean absolutely nothing, like watching two hotties going down on you in a night club toilet. this changes everything, i need a cigarette now...

She Will Be Loved

2005-06-05T03:09:00.000+01:00

By Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye